Letter To Becka
Hey Baby, It’s me. Since I can’t tell you in person all of
the things I used to, I thought I would write this letter in hopes that you
might be able to read it from there. First of all, thank you. From the bottom
of my heart, thank you for loving me so completely and openly. Thank you for
accepting all of the unacceptable things about me. Thank you for trusting me
with your children and making me such an important part of their lives. Thank
you for everything Babylove.
I feel like there are so many things left unsaid, but I can’t
remember a day when I didn't tell you how I felt about you. I guess I just miss
doing it now. You are so far away from me, and I feel you everywhere I go. When
I walk from one room to the other, I can hear your voice calling out to me. I
smell your shampoo and the lotion you used. You seem to be everywhere, and
nowhere I look at the same time. Our happy home has changed and it doesn't feel
the same anymore. People come and go, and they know that something is missing,
and it always will be.
We gave a lot of your clothes to Goodwill like you told me
to, and I did what you wanted with your jewelry. Your Sisters all received
personal things from you which they will cherish forever, but Autumn got first
pick of everything, and she kept quite a bit. She’s such a young “Chip off the
old Block” when it comes to you. Your kids are so wonderful. You may be there,
but you left the best part of you behind on Earth. They will live on in you
forever. I gave Dillon your gold cross. He will treasure it forever and always
because he knows it came from you, and I’m hanging on to the higher end jewelry
until the kids are old enough to appreciate it. The pictures of Mike and the kids
are all in albums for them, but our family albums will be passed down for
generations to come. You were so photogenic. Every picture reminds me of how it
felt to kiss you, how your face felt against mine, the times we danced slowly
in the living room late at night, and of course every time I heard your sweet
voice say, “I love you Baby”. I want you to know that those four words mean
more to me every time. Not only did you speak to my heart with them, they told
me that I was doing right by God. I swore to cherish and love you until death,
and I kept my vows to him and to you.
My mind keeps racing back to the time when we first met. We
were friends for a long time. You were dating someone else, and I had given up
on love in my life. I was resigned to sitting behind a computer screen, wasting
the nights away. I remember the day you told me you were single, and I said, “You
should call me”, and you said, “You should give me your number”. I already knew
enough about you to love you, but when I heard your voice for the first time,
it seemed to travel straight to a place in me that nothing and no one else had
ever been. I remember praying to God and asking, “Is this where you want me”? I
had no clue, and the more we talked on the phone and on the computer, the
closer my heart wanted to be to you. When I finally asked if I could come meet you
in person, you openly said yes, and my life was placed on a course of no
return. I remember driving from North Carolina to Tennessee, praying the whole
way that I wasn’t being set up. I had heard all about people meeting the way we
did and things going very wrong. I was sure in my heart that there was no way
you could be real. I didn’t deserve to be with anyone like you, but when I
pulled up to meet you and you hopped out of the van, I knew that God wanted me
to be happy. You ran to me and embraced me, your hair hanging all in your face,
and as I pulled it back and kissed you gently with my hand on your cheek, I
knew right then that I never wanted to kiss another woman. You were all I
needed and wanted. My passion for you was magnified a million times, and I
swore to myself that I would make you mine at all costs. I needed you to love
me, and God knew this. He knew everything that was going to happen, because he
made it happen. He also knew that you needed me, and that I would step up if
given the chance. I had prayed to meet you my whole life without evening
knowing your name. I knew exactly what you looked like before I saw a picture because
I had thought up the “woman of my dreams” millions of times, and there was your
face. Never in a million years could I have found you on my own. It was only
when I threw my hands in the air and asked God to do it for me, that you came
in to my life. I tried to run from your love at first. The enemy attacked us at
all sides. No one thought we would make it, and everyone told me that I would
only ruin your life and the lives of your kids. “I didn’t deserve to be with a
woman like you,” is what they said. I
believed it and for three weeks, I was in misery. I knew that the greatest
thing that ever happened to me was gone, and I pretty much gave up on life. I
didn’t want to live anymore, and towards the end, my mind told me to just jump
off a bridge and ease my pain, but that’s when you stepped in. The day you
called me and I looked at my caller ID, my heart jumped in my chest. I thought
you were calling to say your final peace with me, but instead I learned even
more about you. I learned that you were exactly what you said you were, a
loving and forgiving woman who God had put in my life. You told me you missed
me and loved me, and I begged forgiveness on the spot, which you gladly gave. I
said that if you would just give me one more chance, I would never let you down
again, and you believed me.
The following weekend, you drove to North Carolina, and I
was prepared. I had geared up for battle and was willing to fight from that
point on for what I most wanted in life, You. I got down on one knee and asked
you to marry me, and you said yes. We both knew it at the time. Most thought we
were insane, until we carried it all the way through, and had the most
beautiful wedding in history. The Eighteenth Century church we married in was
the perfect setting. My niece “Alex” looking for the “Princess”, then saying, “There’s
the Princess” when you walked in the church. You looked like Heaven had opened
up and poured out all of it’s beauty to us at once. I was mesmerized and couldn’t
take my eyes off of you. I kept thinking I would wake up, and I never did all
the way through our marriage. The first year was hard. We were learning about
each other and how to make the family we wanted. We definitely had our ups and
downs, but we laid ground rules that many lay but few follow, but we did. We
never went to bed angry or fighting, and we never slept apart. Even when you
were mad at me, you would touch me to let me know you loved me. You may not
have liked me at the time, but you always loved me. Our arguments were never
personal. There was never any name calling. I’ve called you many names over the
years, but you loved every one of them. It’s funny how we hardly ever used each
other’s first name. “Baby” was usually what we called each other. It just
seemed to fit. Our marriage was so intimate and personal. We made it that way,
and a day didn’t go by where we didn’t pray together. The fact that we kept God
up front was what kept all of the love in our house. The enemy wasn’t able to
easily invade because God answered the door for us.
I could go on forever telling you what you already know. They
say no marriage is perfect. Mine was to me. I once told you before we married
that the only thing I would ever change about you was your last name. That
still stands true today my Love. On Earth, you were perfect in every way to me,
and now that you are with God, you are perfect in every way that can be. If you
think that I loved you when you were here, multiply that by the largest number
known to man, and you’ll know how I feel about you today. I can’t get through a
day without crying uncontrollably. I miss you so much that my entire body
screams out in pain sometimes. I’m lost and afraid without you, and I fear that
I’ll never again know the feelings on Earth that God gave to me for what seems
such a short time. If not, then I’ll hold these feelings with me and remember
the love that He and You blessed me with.
Everyone on Earth deserves to feel
about someone just once the way I feel about you. They need to realize that
unconditional love is attainable if they let God give it to them. He brought
you to me, of that I have no doubt, and I am grateful to the father for every
second he put you in my life. I don’t know why he took you from me, but he
changed me in the process. He has brought me closer to him through all of this,
and I have a new family now. Your kids are my kids, your sisters are my
sisters, your brother is my brother, and Mom and Dad go without saying. I never
dreamed that my in-laws would love me, but they do, and I love them. I’m
grateful to them for creating such a wonderful woman for me to love. If there is
anything I can do to enrich their lives while I’m here, it shall be done.
Just to let you know, I’m starting a 5K race for cancer in
your name. People are going to help me with it. I’m also volunteering at the
Cancer Center. I’ll be doing Larry’s job, helping people to live another day
with dignity until we can beat this terrible disease. I’m going to do my part
Baby, and every year at the Rebekah Lee Patton 5K Race for the Cure, everyone
will remember the battle you went through and the courage it took to go through
it. You are my hero and always will be. Your uniqueness is what set you apart.
You ran the race to the end my Love, and we are so very proud of you.
In closing, I guess I’ll just say, “See you soon”. I have no
doubt that you will be waiting for me at Heaven’s Gate. I really can’t wait to
see what you look like up there, because down here you were perfect to me. Your
beauty radiated out to me from miles away, and I could never stop looking at
you. I can’t even comprehend what you look like now, but I’ll be on my way when
God says it’s my time, and you can show me around.
I love you Baby. I always will.
