Friday night and I'm just now sitting down. It's been a busy day. It didn't start out well though. I woke up this morning at four and thought I was at the hospital, so I looked around for Beck. It took me a minute to realize I was in my bedroom, and she wasn't there. Needless to say I started the day off with grief. I went ahead and got up and made some coffee. I have to get Andrew up at five thirty every morning. This morning he wasn't feeling good. He has been having headaches, so I'm limiting his computer time and taking him to the eye doctor. I made some cinnamon rolls for breakfast and fixed him a small cup of coffee, made his lunch, then drove him to the bus stop. We pray together every morning. It's helping both of us. Beck and I used to pray together all of the time, and I think that it reassures Andrew that he will see his mother again one day. I got him on the bus and came back to the house, came out on the back porch and prayed for a while, then I meditated. I'm trying to relax and I just need to get well and back to taekwondo. I will feel much better when I work out, but right now I don't have the lung capacity. The new steroids are working though as well as the Avalox. I'm feeling a hundred times better.
I hung around the house, then I had an appointment with a CPA / lawyer over some financial stuff. I believe in letting the experts handle business, because I've never been much of a business man. I can make money like crazy, but when it comes to investments, I let more educated people make decisions. I left there and went my Kmart to buy birthday decorations. We had Autumn's party tonight. It went very well. I got her cake from Dewey's Bakery, and if you have never had Dewey's, you are missing out. We decorated the house with pink and purple streamers and a sign that said "Happy Birthday". I wanted to make it special because this is her first birthday without her Mother. Everyone showed up, even my mother who is very sick. Please keep her in your prayers. She wasn't about to miss Autumn's fifteenth birthday party though. Autumn is very smart. She asked for money, and after the party she asked me to take her to Walmart. She's very conservative and saves her money for when she wants to buy something, so when we got to Walmart, she bought a very nice digital camera. It's a Cannon with a 35x zoom lens. She also bought a camera bag and SD card. We are going to Biltmore House and Gardens in the morning, so she can take lots of pics.
Beck's parents are leaving in the morning. It will be just me and the kids, and next weekend they are going to their Dad's, so it will be just me. I won't be staying here. I'll be going somewhere for the weekend. I'm not ready to be here alone. I know I would just sit around and cry, so why do it. I may go to the beach, who knows. I start work back full time Monday. One of the guys from Food Lion's Energy Department is working with me for a week to help me catch up. He's a friend and he came to Beck's Wake. Food Lion is a family. It's the best company I've ever worked for. I plan to retire from there.
Not much has changed. I still cry half the day, and enjoy the other half. I guess I should be grateful for that, but I miss her so very much. I miss everything about her, even the sick Beck. I've said it before, I'm happy for her. She's not hurting, suffering, or in fear anymore. She's with the King of Kings, and some day so will I. Until then, my heart is broken, and I am praying for God to fix it somehow. I'm a work in progress, I always will be. Someday, hopefully soon, things will get different, then they will get better.
I pray that all of you have a wonderful evening. I'm going to keep writing for now. It helps me somehow to tell you how I feel and where I am, or else how could anyone help me.
Sweet Dreams and God Bless. Same time tomorrow I hope!
