Day 147

Monday evening and these days seem to go faster and faster. The older I get, the more I realize that I'm closer to death than birth. It seems like only yesterday I was sixteen without a care in the world. Now I'm 44, and life has so much meaning. I came home early from work this morning. Becka wasn't feeling well and I felt even worse. Something bit me on my hip the other night. I'm pretty sure it was a spider, but my stomach has been upset ever since. I came home and laid back down for a couple of hours, but I'm still about to drop, so I'm going to bed right after this. Becka has been hurting in her side and her feet and legs. I'm sure that will go away, but for now it's very uncomfortable for her. We just got back from my nephew's birthday party. I broke my diet big time, and I'm not even thinking about running on the treadmill tonight, so it's all good. I'll make up for it tomorrow. The party went well and everyone had a good time. Like I said last night, life has somewhat returned to normal. I found out yesterday that an old friend of mine died about a week ago. She wasn't much older than me. Her cancer beat her it seems, but she was a heavy smoker. Smokers can't get the type of cancer Becka has. Only non smokers can get adenocarcenoma. Becka is beating hers, but it just seems like everyone I know has cancer these days. It may be a sign of the times. I think it's caused by Smart Cars. Wouldn't it be ironic if they found out that the batteries in electric cars are causing cancer?

God Bless my friend Patty and her family, and God Bless anyone who is fighting this. Never stop fighting. Never give up. We only get one shot at this life, and when I die I know where I am going, but I want to go on God's terms, and not the enemies. I'm fighting for every single second I can have with Becka and the kids!

Good night and God Bless you all! There is a smoking hot lady on my couch that needs her feet rubbed!

Day 146

It's Sunday evening already. It's been a busy weekend and today has flown by. Tomorrow it's back to the grind stone, but I'm grateful for a good weekend. I went back to sleep this morning until about Nine O'clock. I never sleep that long, but it felt great. Becka went to our friend Fern's baby shower this afternoon. She's feeling so good these days. It's only been about a week that she's been able to drink coffee again and enjoy it! I know she's been through the ringer, but she looks stunning! She and I went to the laundry mat this afternoon and washed all of our big stuff, then we came back here and I hung up our bed spreads and bath rugs to dry while she went to the shower. Life is actually normal. Now we have to start thinking about paying some doctor bills seriously. Her doctors have all been miraculous, so I want to work out an arrangement that suits them and us. At any rate, we will be paying them for the rest of our lives, but it's worth every cent. God has brought us this far. I'm sure he is going to work that out for us too as long as we do our part and make honest efforts.

I made spagetti for supper out of the left over sauce from the lasagna I made. Becka is making supper tomorrow. She has some fantastic chicken recipes for the crock pot! I have to say, it's a total miracle how far she has come. She is reminiscent of the words of Jim Valvano who said, "Never give up. Never ever give up." There is no quit in my wife. She put her faith in God and the doctors and she's almost well now. If there is any doubt about God's grace, just consider this fact. Six months ago she was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. The cancer had already spread to different parts of her body including her brain. Today, she is almost in complete remission. God is so good, all of the time. Our time together means more than it ever did to me. When I look at her, (I didn't know this was possible), I love her more each time. She's my soulmate, my inspiration, and my best friend. Even though we have our differences, it's our love for each other that binds us. There are things that I will never understand about her, like, How could ANYONE not think that Monty Python's "The Holy Grail" isn't funny? Oh well, I guess if that's our only disagreement, we will be just fine.

If you are going through hard times right now, please go back and read this blog from the start. I can't believe that I feel the way I do tonight, when just months ago I thought that the sky had fallen down. Today can always bring me blessings if I look for them, and I have to put myself in positions to receive them as well. If I can be of help to any of you, please let me know.

God Bless and Good Lord Willing, I'll see you tomorrow!

Day 145

It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my back porch, yelling at my dog to be quiet. He thinks the neighbors are constantly trying to steal our stuff. You could say that our lives are somewhat back to normal. Today has been a lazy day. Becka and I went to breakfast this morning, and then to a couple of yard sales. We came back here and spent the rest of the day relaxing. Both of us took a long nap, then we cleaned up and I made a huge pan of lasagna. Becka is feeling great, she just wears out easily. Her strength will come back after all of this is over. We are counting down to her last chemo treatment, then she will have to take Aridia on a regular basis. It's a very good cancer drug that hopefully will keep her in remission. My head is spinning. I just ran for twenty minutes on the treadmill. I cheated on my diet today, but that's okay. Tomorrow it's back to a "fat free" regimen.

I wish all of you could have seen Becka last night. We went to my Nephew's talent show, and she wore a dress that she hasn't worn in years, put on make up, and wore a beautiful scarf on her head. She was absolutely gorgeous! Everyone commented on how beautiful she looked. I would love Becka just the same if she was hideous, but it's a major plus to have such a "Hot" wife! She's starting to grow peach fuzz on her head, so her hair should be back just in time for summer! The past five months have been such a journey for us, but we weathered the storm and are on the last leg. Paradise awaits! This experience has changed us in so many ways. We appreciate everything good that happens now. She and I have never been closer and our relationship is carved in granite. Our marriage means more than it ever did. Every second counts now, and we try to make the most of our time with each other, friends, and family. I pray that we continue to grow and we never forget what we went through to get here. It really is all about gratitude!

I need a shower, so I'm going to turn in. Good night and God Bless! Same time tomorrow I hope!

Day 144

It's Friday night and I'm just getting home from work. It's been a good day but long. I got off of work, then Becka, Andrew, and I went to my nephew's talent show at his school. He plays the bass in a band and they were great! I had a call come in about half way through the show, so afterwards I had to go back to work, and Becka came home with Andrew. It's Nine thirty and I just got back home, and now I'm going to bed. Becka is feeling great but very tired. She wore a dress and a beautiful scarf tonight. MAN, she turned every head in the place. She was smoking! She was asleep on the couch when I got home, so now I'm going to put her to bed. I have some things to share tomorrow. I'll write and fill you in on some stuff!

Good night and God Bless!

Day 143

It's Thursday evening and all is well. Becka is tired and not feeling 100% but she's been running, and she's wore out. She took the kids to school today because we over slept, then I went back to bed for about an hour. I went and picked up my Uncle today and took him to his totaled SUV to get some personal items out of it. He seemed to be okay but a little scatter brained. He took a hard hit yesterday and will probably be out of it for a couple of days. My brother is okay but very sore and he has road rash on his face where the airbag hit him. It saved his life though. He almost went through the wind shield.

All is well in our house tonight. I'm very grateful for the progress that Becka has made. She has fought for it and won, with a lot of help I might add. We will never be able to pay back all of the things that people have done for us, but we will sure try. If we are ever needed, we will definitely be there. I heard a good sermon today that hit close to my heart. It was about "self-righteousness". I sometimes make excuses for my short comings by pointing out that "At least I'm not as bad as he is". I think everyone has done that, but I'm trying to get closer to God every day. I feel like we may be in the pre-tribulation period, and I want my soul to be ready always. God has done so much for us. The least I can do is give him the very best I can, one day at a time. I'll start in my prayers, and then in my attitude. I'll put my precious wife above everyone else in this world, and love her the way God wants me to. I'll try to daily improve my relationship with our kids, and put aside the "teenager" attitude. They are growing up in a very troubling time. They might have the best technology at their fingertips, but they live in a very decrepit, evil world.

I'm going to get my Baby in to bed. She's crashed on the couch. We had tacos for supper and then Andrew and I had class, so bed time will come early. God Bless you all and thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Day 142

Wednesday and it's been an interesting day. I went to work and about lunch time, my father called me and told me that my Uncle and my Brother had been in a very bad car wreck. I couldn't leave work immediately, so I called around and no one knew anything except that they had both been taken to the hospital. I finished what I had to do, ran home and changed clothes, then went to the hospital. Becka had picked up the kids at school and taken them to the dentist. I found out that my Uncle had been driving his SUV and my brother was riding with him. Apparently, a lady pulled out in front of them and they didn't even have time to brake. He hit her doing about 45 mph. My brother looks like someone hit him with a bat. The airbag got him in the face, and his knee hit the dash. He's not going to be feeling very well in the morning. My Uncle was knocked unconscious. They took him by ambulance to the hospital where they put him in a neck brace and did a CAT scan. Apparently they didn't find anything bad because they sent him home, (he doesn't have insurance). Both of them were lucky. God was definitely watching out for them. My Uncle's truck was totaled, and he's going to be hurting financially, but he's alive. That's really all that matters. Please keep them in your prayers.

Becka on the other hand is doing great! She got out of the house all day, and tonight she and I went to the grocery store, and then to Taekwondo testing. Some friends of ours were testing for their red belts. We just got home and are getting ready for bed. It's been a trying and emotional day. I'm very grateful to God for protecting my family today. I know he did. Things could have been so much worse. I'll keep you posted, but for now, I'm going to love on my wife for a bit!

Good night and God Bless as always!

Day 141

Tuesday night and things are better! Becka is feeling a lot better than she did yesterday. She drove herself to the doctor this morning. It was just to give blood, and her bloodwork was great! Her recovery couldn't be going any better! We were up most of last night though. She was having stomach cramps and her legs wouldn't relax. That's a horrible feeling, "restless leg". I pray that we both get good sleep tonight. We need it, I'm exhausted. Andrew and I just got home from class. I would think that by now, my legs wouldn't feel like they are going to fall off after a hard class. I guess I'm just getting old, but my legs are getting rock hard. Andrew is a rock all over. Joining Taekwondo was the best thing we could have ever done for him. He is in fantastic shape, and I'm glad he's very passive and considerate, because if he gets mad, he can plant a side kick in your face. I can't wait for Becka to get well and start class again. She is so naturally good at it. Her kicks and punches were much better than mine. Master Lee used her to demonstrate several times. I truly believe, the family that kicks together, sticks together!

Life is good and I'm grateful, but I keep walking around waiting on something to fall out of the sky on my head. I should just enjoy the good times, and I will when I know that something isn't lurking around the corner ready to pounce on us. It's been a tough six months, but life changing. I have no doubt about my purpose in life, and I'm grateful that it's the same as what I want it to be. Becka needs me and I need her, and that just enriches our relationship.

I think she's about ready to go to bed, so I'm going to spend some time with her. God Bless and keep those prayers coming. We are almost there, just a little bit left to go before we can put it in "cruise control".

Sweet dreams!

Day 140

It's Monday night and I just got home from Taekwondo. Becka has already gone to bed but she wasn't asleep. I talked to her for a few and I think she might be depressed. Who wouldn't be? That's why I'm going to cut this short tonight. I want to write every night and let you know how she is doing and if there are any changes. I know that she is sick. Her body is hurting and the medicine is doing a number on her system. I'll be SO glad when this is over and she can feel normal again. I keep telling myself, and her, that she only has one more treatment. I can't wait to take her somewhere peaceful like the beach. God has been so good and merciful. I pray that he continues to pour down his blessings and heal her completely. I know he will, I just want it today. Patience is a virtue that I don't have, especially when the love of my life is sick.

I'm going to check on her and talk to her for a while. God Bless and please keep praying. I SO want her to be happy again.

Sweet dreams!

Day 139

It's Sunday night and this weekend has flown by. It's been a fantastic day! We spent the whole day together and we went to the mall to get Autumn's graduation dress. I can't believe she will be in high school next year. She was so little when she got here, and now she's grown in to a beautiful young woman. Becka has hurt all day but she's had no nausea at all and that's a miracle! I cooked cheese burgers for supper and everyone ate good. I had to cook them inside because it's been raining all day, so now the kitchen is clean, I ran on the treadmill, I'm fixing to get in the shower, and we are going to bed. I'm so grateful for the way she feels. I remember what it was like when she first started chemo, and it's gotten a lot better. She is actually able to enjoy life these days, and we have hope for the future. Becka knows that it won't be long before she's feeling better and back to a normal life. I say that knowing full well that we will  never have a "normal" life. We will always live under a small cloud of fear, but this entire experience has brought us closer together than ever before. Our family unit is solid, and I have no doubt that one day Becka's face will be the last thing I see before I die. I love everything about Beck. She's gorgeous, sexy, much more intelligent than me, she loves everyone and they love her, she's caring and trustworthy, and everything a wife could possibly be. She's also my best friend and confidant. Becka is my life, and when I'm with her, I don't want or need for anything. I am truly blessed, and I'm so grateful for the way she is feeling. Only one more treatment!

I just put her to bed and I'm following closely behind. God Bless and sweet dreams! Five O'Clock comes early. Same time tomorrow Good Lord Willing!

Day 138

It's Saturday night and Becka is in full swing Chemo mode. Her entire body is hurting and she can't get comfortable. Her muscles spasm and ache. I just gave her a pain pill and an anti nausea pill just in case. She's not far from bed and neither am I. I worked all day practically. I didn't work for my regular job, but rather did some stuff on the side. Beck and I spent some time together outside today laying in the sun and listening to music. She has been eating good and keeping it down so we are grateful for that, but she just feels awful. Only one more treatment! I keep telling her that. Afterwards she will be on the road to recovery! When she can go all day without hurting will be a blessing. She's already started to grow hair back!

I'm going to get her in to bed and rub her legs and feet, and try to relax her so she can sleep, then I'm going to work out for a bit. God Bless and sweet dreams. Please keep those prayers coming, because they are working. We are going to pray her in to remission!

Day 137

It's finally Friday and I'm spent. I can see bedtime coming early tonight. Becka has been laying down for a couple of hours now. The chemo has kicked in, but it could be a lot worse. All of her energy is gone and she's hurting, so I gave her a pain pill and an anti nausea pill. I don't expect her to get back up today. I got off of work a little early because I didn't want her to be here alone. I came home and ran a load of laundry, then cleaned up a little. I cooked a roast in the crock pot all day so the kids and Becka ate supper. She ate a plate and then ate a second helping of baby carrots, so that part is good. She got a little emotional when she first laid down. My Baby has been sick for so long now. I held her and reminded her that she only has one more treatment. We can and will get through this, and she is going to feel much better.

I was so proud of Andrew. I took him to sparring class then stayed and watched. He went up against a boy who is a double black stripe and is testing tomorrow for his black belt, and Andrew tore him up. He knocked him down twice with kicks to the body, and with two seconds left, Andrew nailed him with a roundhouse to the kidneys for a point! He is so impressive. His form and technique are spot on. I'm going to work with him this weekend on his "aggressiveness". I'm trying to teach him about the "fight before the fight". I'm going to show him how to snarl, and make his opponent think he's going to eat his parents after the match, just by his facial expressions. If you can inject fear in to your opponent, then you have already won the match because they are going to naturally be in a defensive mode instead of offensive. The tournament is going to be great! I just pray that Becka is up for it. Black belt testing is tomorrow and Andrew and I are going to go if Becka is okay. He wants to go to a new place that just opened up that is full of trampolines. You can jump from one to the other inside. We are definitely going to check that out!

I'm going to check on her and work out for a bit, then go to bed. Please pray that she doesn't get any sicker than she is. I keep telling myself that all of this is necessary, and she's going to be fine. One day soon, this will be a bad memory.

God Bless!

Day 136

It's Thursday night and I'm getting a little worried. She's starting to feel bad. I pray that this is a bad as it gets. I know that the Chemotherapy is saving her life, but I hate what she is having to go through to get well. Just when she was starting to enjoy food again and getting out of the house, she had to have another treatment. I had hoped they would say she doesn't need anymore, but she only has one left. It's going to be a long weekend. The energy goes right out of her and she started hurting tonight. We made baked potatoes for supper and she ate one. I pray that she can keep it down. I just gave her an anti nausea pill and she took a pain pill a while ago. Hopefully we can stay on top of this with medication. All I want in life is for her to be well again. The fight is not over, but we are winning it. We are hanging in until the end, and then we are going to the beach. I want her to feel the sand between her toes and smell the ocean! She can bury me in the sand, and then next year maybe dig me up! I'll tell her that and see if I can get a smile or a laugh.

God is good and we are going to get through this. It's amazing how one day can be so different from the next, but I am grateful for every day I get to spend with my Angel. I'm going to run a little then get her in to bed. God Bless and I'll write tomorrow and let you know how she is. All will be well again, that much is certain!

Day 135

It's Wednesday night and life is good! Becka feels great! So far so good. The medications that they give her before her chemotherapy makes her feel good for days, but then they wear off and it usually hits her about Friday. Please pray that she doesn't get too sick, or sick at all for that matter. We had a good day. I worked all day and she ran a couple of places, then when I got home we made beef stroghanoff for supper, and she and I ran to Michaels and the grocery store. I'm fixing to hit the treadmill then go to bed. I'm going in early every day this week to try and make up for being out yesterday, so I'm going to work out tonight and go to sparring class tomorrow night. We need to prepare for the tournament next month.

Things are fantastic tonight. I remember about thirty blogs ago, I was praying for this situation, and now it's here. I'm so very grateful that I can't put it in words!

I'll keep you posted, but for now, thanks so much! God is truly good and his glory is shining upon Becka. I have no doubt that he is healing her. She's been through trials and tribulations, but she's strong and determined. My wife is truly incredible!

Good night and God Bless!

Day 134

It's Tuesday night and all is well, for now. We play the waiting game now, to see if she can get through the next couple of days without getting sick. She had eight hours of chemotherapy today, and if all goes as planned, she only has one more treatment! The doctors are predicting remission! Everything is going as planned.....God's plan that is. Becka and I were all wired in at the hospital today. She sat in the recliner during chemo and I hooked up her DVD player, I had my lap top, and we both had IPODs. We looked like Geeks over there. Her doctor stopped by to see her. I love that man. He's so connected to his patients. I imagine he gets his heart broken quite a bit, but not in this case! Becka is a success story. This train is moving forward!

I'm going to be with her. I think she's a little scared about what's coming. I'm going to go ahead and give her meds before she gets sick. Maybe we can head it off. I'll definitely let you know if anything changes.I have to go to work early in the morning to make up for today, so I'm going to bed. Good night and God Bless! Same time tomorrow!

Day 133

It's Monday night and it's amazing how things can change in five minutes. Today has been a great day. I worked all day, then I went to the doctor this afternoon, and he gave me a prescription and a card that made it free at the pharmacy! That was awesome. It paid my copay for me! I brought some stuff home to make salads and I made Becka one with baby carrots, and Andrew one with everything but the kitchen sink. I think we are missing a dog by the way. MAN that kid can eat. You've heard of "Feed the Children" charities. I'm going to start one called "Feed our Andrew". Anyway, things have been great lately except for the fact that Becka is hurting in her side, so we both called the doctor today. Here's the scoop. ALL of her tumors have shrunk! There are NO new ones, and the chemo is working! They expect her to be in full remission! God is truly good, all the time! It's absolutely the best news we have ever gotten. She has two more chemo treatments, one tomorrow and one next week, then that's it for a while! We are overjoyed! So after supper I went to taekwondo adult class. It was a great class because we did target drills and I LOVE target drills! Everyone that takes a form of martial arts likes target drills, trust me. I got home and got the kids to bed, fixed myself a cup of coffee, then came out on the porch to write this. That's when Becka all of a sudden knocked fiercely on the back door to tell me that she was sick. She ran to the bedroom with me in pursuit, and I grabbed a trash can and held her until it was over. I'm not sure what made her sick, but she's okay now. I got her in to bed after she cleaned up, then gave her some meds. She should sleep all night, but I'll be keeping one eye open just in case. It's going to be okay. One day my beautiful wife will feel good all over again, and we won't even think about cancer. I can see that day coming, I pray it's sooner than later, but it will get here.

I'm going to owe her doctors a debt for the rest of my life. I don't mean money. I mean I owe them for giving me Becka back. I know they are doing their jobs, but they didn't have to go in to oncology or radiology. Trust me, there is a lot more money in cosmetic surgery. These doctors are special, and I pray with all of my heart that one day they will need my help for something, and I will be in a position to help them. I just checked on Beck and covered her up with her favorite soft green blanket. I have to keep it a little cool downstairs because our house it two levels with only one heating and air-conditioning system, so the kids burn up if it's not running. It stays about eight degrees warmer upstairs than it does downstairs, so we have to bundle Becka up. I bought her an electric throw. It does a great job, plus we had to replace our bed warmer the other day. The old one gave out, and the bed has to be warm for her to be able to get comfortable. Her side hurts her so she has to lay on her right side all of the time. I don't mind because I get to curl up behind her. I love my Baby so much, I can't express it in words!

And I love all of you as well. Thank you SO MUCH for your prayers, because guess what....they worked! God is healing her. He is going to use this for his glory, and we are going to shout from the mountain top that By His Stripes, we are healed! She is going to be a VERY powerful witness!

God Bless and good night. I'm going to bed. I'll let you know tomorrow how things go, but it's eight hours of chemo, so we know what's coming. Please continue to pray!

Day 132

It's Sunday night and I can say with all sincerity that today has been a much better day than yesterday. We spent the day together, a large portion of it was outside because it was so beautiful today. We soaked up the sun and listened to our IPODs. She told me later that I was singing loud enough for the neighborhood to hear, which isn't good because I can't carry a tune in a bucket. Autumn and I ran to the store, then we all had sandwiches for supper. I surprised Andrew with a strawberry topped cheese cake, (his favorite). I guess it's all for him. I'm determined to lose some weight before the Taekwondo tournament next month. Tonight after I finished doing laundry, I ran on the treadmill. I have a suit from Gold's Gym that is made of plastic and it traps the heat while I am working out. After I ran on the treadmill, I went around the block a few times, then practiced my form in the backyard, and when I came in and took the suit off, about a gallon of sweat poured out. Autumn doesn't like me very much right now, because I was trying to take off the shirt and I slung sweat all over her while she was sitting on the couch. Oddly enough, Andrew and I were the only ones who thought that was funny. So now I'm sitting on the back porch, squeaky clean, and I'm going to bed soon. Becka and I really did have a great day together, with the exception of her side hurting worse. She has had to take pain meds for the last couple of days. I pray that it's a good pain, but it's in the same spot where her major lung tumor is. Maybe it's dying and that's why it's hurting! Please continue to pray for healing. We should get results back tomorrow. Either way, we are calling the doctor in the morning.

Tomorrow is a new week and I'm gearing up for it. I'm going in early in the morning so I can get off a little early. I'm so grateful for my life. I don't know how long it will last, but I'm going to try and treasure every minute of it. I'm calling my doctor tomorrow about the attacks I've been having. I actually just had one while writing this, but it wasn't as bad as they can be. I'm also going to see about maybe an anti depressant for now. I hate taking pills anymore, and I feel like I don't need to medicate my feelings, but I need some balance. Maybe losing this weight will help me. I know that when we get her results back, that will help immensely. It's the "unknown" that causes so much fear. I'm putting it in God's hands, but it's in my nature to see what he is holding!

God Bless and sweet dreams. Hopefully I will have some good news tomorrow!

Day 131

It's Saturday night and I'm glad this day is over. It's been a difficult day. For the past few weeks, I've been putting on a happy face, and I am extremely grateful for the progress Becka is making, but I'm like a duck on a pond. Above water, everything is calm and serene, but below the surface, I'm paddling like crazy to get from one point to the other, and today it caught up with me. We had a good morning. Becka and I went to a massive yard sale at the church, then we came back to the house and I wanted to clean up. I asked the kids to help me by cleaning their bathrooms, they of course acted like kids because that's what they are, and I had a melt down. I can't for the life of me tell you where it came from, but I yelled at both of them and then at Becka. It only lasted a few minutes and I got in the truck and drove up the road for a few. They forgave me of course because they love me, and I had a long talk with Becka. I came clean that I'm not handling all of the stress very well, and there is another problem. I've been having these "attacks". All of a sudden, out of nowhere, this pain starts in my chest at the base of my neck and travels up through my jaw. It happens every once in a while, but the pain is so severe that I usually drop to my knees, can't speak or hardly breath, and I'm immobilized. It only lasts for a few minutes. I've been thinking they are panic attacks, and I absolutely forgot to tell the doctor about them the other day. I'm going Monday to get checked out and make sure that's what they are. As for the stress level, I think I just need to communicate more with Becka and the kids about how I'm really feeling inside. I'm praying tonight for forgiveness and for serenity to do the things I need to do. I need to realize my limitations and ask for help when I need it instead of trying to "Man Up" by letting my ego control me. I worry all day long about everything and I don't know how to stop. I worry about Becka and the treatments, about my job and if they will ever get sick of covering for me when I need to be with her, about finances and how are we going to pay for everything, the kids, my health, like I said.....everything.

This day has taken everything out of me. I did get a bunch of things done around here. We went to Walmart and I did get a good laugh when my mother came up behind us and ran over Autumn with the buggy. I'm definitely a Mama's boy, always have been, and when I'm torn inside, it has always helped me to see her. Tell me with a straight face that it wasn't a God moment for Mom to be there today!

We are going to get through this. Everyone has bad days and today was mine. I still have demons that attack me and want me to be the man I used to be. I recognize that now, and I know what to do about it. I pray, and they run away. I think I just need my mind to slow down. Becka has been hurting in her side for a couple of days now, right where her tumor is. I can almost feel her pain and it scares me to death sometimes, but it also brings me back to reality. We know what needs to be done every day, and it's truly one day at a time.

Thanks for letting me tell on myself tonight. I've always heard that I'm only as sick as my secrets, so I vow not to have any. God Bless and I'll see you tomorrow I hope!

Day 130

It's Friday night, finally! We are relaxing after a very good day. Becka got out of the house today and went to Michaels, then to one of her favorite places to eat-a Japanese takeout. She was spent, but it's getting back to normal. We still didn't get any results back today. I guess no news is good news, and we will try again Monday. It's been a very good day. I'm pretty tired and we are going to church early in the morning. They are having a yard sale / fund raiser. It will be massive. They are selling cars and everything including the kitchen sink! If you are in Winston Salem, please check out Winston Salem First Assembly. It's the big copper top church over by Wake Forest.

Tonight we are chilling out and going to bed early. I'm going to clean tomorrow all day after we get back. I had a good experience today. I reached out to a family member that I've been having problems with and he reached back. It's time to put away our petty differences and love each other I think. God thought it was time a LONG time ago. Forgiveness is forgetting the past and starting over. I pray that we can do that.

No bad news tonight! I'll write some more tomorrow, but for now I'm going to move a little closer to the hot Mama on my couch and watch TV. Good night and God Bless!

Day 129

It's Thursday night, almost the weekend! I really should work Saturday but I'm going to go ahead and take the rest of my sick hours for the other day when I took off with Becka. There is a lot I need to do around here. Between cleaning, laundry, and the yard, my weekend will be full. I'm very grateful for today! I had my truck worked on this afternoon, and while they were servicing it, Becka drove to the Mall and met me for lunch! We walked through the mall and up to the food court. She had a salad and I had a piece of pizza, then we walked in to a couple of shops. One of the newer shops at the mall is wall to wall costume jewelry at very reasonable prices, so she bought a ring and some ear rings, then we walked in a very cool toy store. I don't care how old you are, toy stores are always fun and uplifting because they make me think of kids playing with them. Okay I admit it, there were a few toys I would love to play with!

I got a new toy and I don't know how I ever lived without it. Autumn gave me her IPOD because she saved up her money and bought an IPHONE the other day. It's my very first Apple device. I still use my old MP3 player. This thing is really cool! I bought a fifteen dollar Itunes card and downloaded some songs by Darlene Zschech. She's one of my favorite singers. She has a few solo albums, but she's best known as the lead singer of the Christian group "Hillsong". I also downloaded some Josh Grobin, Mercy Me, and of course, The "Soggy Bottom Boys". I downloaded my favorite song of all time, "Praise you in this storm", by Casting Crowns. No song has ever touched my heart like that one, except maybe Amazing Grace. I'm going to download some games as well. Angry Birds will definitely be on my IPOD! Steve Jobs was definitely genius, for his inventions, and for the people he chose to hire. God Bless him.

This has really been an awesome week. One thing that has absolutely rocked has been the fact that every time someone asks, "How is your wife doing", I get to say, "She's doing great"! I LOVE having my Angel back. Walking arm and arm through the mall together today brought back so many memories, like the first time I ever saw her in person. We had been friends on line for some time, so I drove to Chattanooga Tennessee to meet her. We met in a parking lot, and when I pulled up, she came running up to me and embraced me. I knew right then that I wanted to feel her arms around me for the rest of my life, there was no doubt. The only doubt I had was how I was going to make her happy being the man I am, and I tried to run from her, but I've learned since that when God wants something to happen, it will happen his way every time. I loved Becka before I ever met her. I loved the idea of her, I just didn't know she existed. God's timing was impeccable, because if she had met me any earlier, it wouldn't have worked. God had to work on me and change my heart before I could give it to her. He really is an amazing Heavenly Father!

We still don't have any idea about her scan. I hope we find out tomorrow, and if we do I'll post it. I'm going to go vege out with my wife on the couch for a few then hit the hay. God Bless and sweet dreams! Same time tomorrow, Good Lord willing!

Day 128

It's Wednesday and it's been a great one! Becka woke up feeling good and I almost slept all night! I worked with my boss today who I care a lot about. He's a fantastic supervisor and a good man as well. He gave me my evaluation today for the year and I got a raise. Life is good because God is good! We worked together on one of my stores and fixed a problem that has been haunting me for a while. It would always correct itself before I could get to the work site, so I haven't been able to fix it, but today we found it finally. I brought home some roasted chicken for supper, although I ate left over lasagna. I'll never lose weight. It's okay though, I'll just buy bigger shirts! Maybe I'll get that lip-o-suction thingy. I've got a shop vac, I can do that myself! I'll make a video on youtube-"How to lose ten pounds in ten minutes"!

I'm in a great mood tonight, although we haven't gotten Becka's results yet. Last time it took over a week to get PET scan results back, and that was when we found out she had cancer. This time, it will be good news. No matter what, we will face it with our heads high, and win.

I just gave Becka a pedicure. I love her feet. I didn't paint her nails because they look great without polish, but I did use the cheese grater thing she has after she soaked them. It's called a "PEDEGG", and that's what it looks like, an egg, but man I tell you, it will flat take the skin off. It's great for cheese as well. I used it to make an Easter dish we took to my Mother's house. (Just kidding Mom).

God is so good, I can't say that enough. Have a fabulous night and I hope I can post her results on here tomorrow! Sleep well!

Day 127

Tuesday night and I'm feeling a thousand percent better! It's been a very good day. I stayed home all day with Becka and worked on the house, then cooked a big pan of lasagna. We are watching the second season of "24" on Netflix. She is feeling great and has eaten all day. This morning I went and got us a biscuit from Bojangles, then we had lasagna for lunch and supper. Everything is wonderful today. My little dog hurt his foot playing with our other dog. I can't tell you how much I love this dog and he loves me. Yesterday he couldn't put any weight on it hardly, so Becka took care of him and I was planning on taking him to the vet, but he started walking on it and is fine now. He just jumped up on the picnic table I'm typing on to give me a kiss, so I know he's going to be fine.

I got my results back from the doctor today and everything was okay! All of my labs were in the normal range, so praise God! I've been on antibiotics for a couple of weeks now, so whatever I had probably got knocked out by them. My candidate for president bowed out today. Rick Santorum suspended his candidacy, so now it's all aboard the Mitt Romney train. Is he my first choice? Absolutely not, but I think he is eminently qualified to be President and will do a fine job digging us out of this hole. I know he is a man of conviction and faith, so I'm throwing all of my support behind him. Guess I'll get me a "Romney 2012" bumper sticker. Can you believe I lost a friend today over the election? It was her choice, so I'll pray for her and wish her well. It hurt Becka's feelings a lot worse than mine, but I guess some people don't take that in to account. With every action there are consequences. I'm just glad I don't have to "React" today, so I can leave the door open for reconciliation one day. Everyone who knows me is aware of my views. I'm very conservative fiscally, more open minded socially, yet extremely anti abortion. Notice I didn't say "pro life". I'm for the death penalty in some cases, but the slaughter of innocence that takes place in this country every day sickens me, and I'm sure turns God's head away from us. I have never and will never vote for someone who is pro choice. That's all I'll say about that. I do, however, have Democrats for friends, but they respect my views and I respect the fact that they are wrong. (Just kidding). The friend of ours that ended our friendship today did so because of what I said on Facebook about the President. I'm sure they are frustrated because they can't defend what he is doing. I felt the same way about George W Bush, but I didn't take it out on them. God Bless her. I wish her well.

Life is way too short for resentment or anger, although I'm having to pray hard for a very close relative of mine. He suffers from what I used to. An extreme case of selfish-selfcentered-itis. I pray his heart is softened because another of my family is hurting because of him. It's a situation that has nothing to do with me so I'm staying out of it, but I'm praying. With God, all things are possible. I'm living proof!

We should get Becka's results back tomorrow. I'll post them as soon as I can. God Bless and thanks for everything, REALLY! We love you all! My gorgeous wife is doing great today, and today is all that matters. One day at a time, sweet Jesus, that's all I'm asking from you!

Good night!

Day 126

It's Monday night and this is going to be exceptionally short because I'm shaking all over. I just got home from the most intense work out I've ever undertaken. I know it's good for me, but I didn't know if I was going to be able to drive home. My master wants everyone to be in the same shape he is, but I swear you could strap C-4 to him and throw him off a fifty story building, and it would just make him mad. He's a world champion. I'm a forty four year old broken down mechanic. It's okay though, but my head is really starting to hurt, so I'm going to bed. Becka is doing fabulous! We haven't gotten her results back yet, so I guess that  no news is good news!

I'm really starting to feel bad, so I'm going to lay down. God Bless and I'll update tomorrow.

Day 125

It's Sunday night and I'm just now sitting down at 9:30pm. It's been a great Easter weekend here. I had to work yesterday, and today we were gone, so I finally got my housework done tonight. I pulled the stove out and cleaned behind it and I "GI'd" our bathroom. You can eat off the floor, but I wouldn't recommend it. We had a great dinner at my Mother's house, although I could tell she was in pain the whole time. She threw her back out about a week ago. Please pray with me that it will stop hurting soon.

I had a revelation today. I got real anxious when I thought about going to my mother's. I have become severely claustrophobic over the years. I stop breathing and get extremely irritated when I'm in a crowd of people, even my family members. I've always had a problem with crowds, but it has gotten worse to the point where I start hyperventilating just thinking about it. It's alright though. I usually just walk outside for a minute. I'm sure everyone thinks I'm being a jerk, but if they only knew. Anyway, the revelation I had wasn't about that. I got home and sat down for a minute and started watching "Facing the Giants" which is one of my favorite movies. The coach was talking to his players about living for God in every aspect of their lives. It hit me that I hardly ever do. I pray, then I go about my day as if I'm in control. I should be living every second for the glory of God, no matter what I am doing during the day. I'm not going to make this sound like a sermon. It's just something I need to work on. When things go right, I need to praise him. When things go terribly wrong, I need to praise him, and I need to live the way I feel, which is grateful. I'm grateful for the fact that he is healing Becka. I'm grateful for the fact that he healed me and gave me this life. I'm grateful for today, the day that we as Christians rejoice in the fact that our Lord is risen. I know that we say "He is Risen" quite a bit. It's become a slogan, but I need to remember what that means. He rose after paying the price that I owe. Everything I've ever done wrong in my life or will do again, he bore the punishment, and he rose so that we can live forever. After all that he has done for me, he deserves the best "Me" I can be. Becka is feeling so much better and it's because he loves us and is healing her. We never thought a year ago that we would be where we are today, but our family is closer, and we are closer to God. If nothing else, that makes everything worth it. I know she is the one who has to go through this, and we are still afraid, but there is hope in my house, and to be honest, hope and love are all we need.

God Bless and thanks! Happy Easter to all! Same time tomorrow.

Day 124

Saturday night before Easter and things are fabulous! God is so good, I can't say that enough. I had to work all day, then came home and we went to Verizon. Autumn saved her money and bought herself a new phone. I'm proud of her! We came back here and dyed Easter eggs, and now we are watching 24. Life is actually normal. I haven't thought about Becka being sick all day, because she hasn't been. We had Chinese food for supper. I bought some very spicy General TSO Chicken and she loved it. Spicy stuff seems to appeal to her. Tomorrow we are spending Easter with my mother.

It's been a great day!

God Bless and I promise I'll write more tomorrow.

Day 123

It's Friday night and we are watching "24". Beck has never seen it and we are watching from the first episode. Jack Bower is a bad dude! She's been a little sick today but is better tonight. We went shopping at Walmart together and then brought some burgers home for the kids. It's going to be a great Easter! We are going to celebrate the resurrection together as a family. Becka is making several things for Easter dinner. I don't know what they are called, but they are good! I'm making mashed potatoes and we are all getting together at my Mother's house. The family will be glad to see her doing so well. I know I am!

Things are good tonight and every night that I'm with her. We are fixing to go to bed. I have to work all day tomorrow for being out the other day with her at the doctor. God Bless and thanks for everything! Same time tomorrow Good Lord willing! She's feeling good and her tumors are shrinking. God is so good!

Day 122

It's Thursday night and we just got home from Becka's scan. It took almost three hours, but it's worth every second. This scan will finally tell us what we have been waiting to hear, that her cancer is in remission. I didn't know what PET stood for until tonight. PET stands for Positron Emission Tomography, and CT stands for Computerized Tomography. A PET scan is the most state of the art scan because it can distinguish between living and dead tissue at the molecular level. You would think that they would order this kind of scan to begin with, but that's up to the insurance companies. I hope and pray that the Supreme Court finds Obamacare unconstitutional. I don't want some panel of old fogies in Washington deciding how to treat my wife. I want her doctor's to do that.

We left the hospital and went by the "Hero House". Becka ate a lamb Gyro on Pita bread! Her appetite is coming back and I love it! She's lost five more pounds on the Becka Patton Starvation Diet. It's very successful if you want to lose seventy pounds in three months. Maybe Dr Phil will have her on! All kidding aside, it's wonderful to see her enjoying food again. I'm glad they put off her Chemo until after Easter so that she can enjoy Easter dinner. She and I are watching a new show called "Missing". It's pretty good if I do say so myself. She just got cold so she put on some socks, inside out. She always wears them inside out because she doesn't like the seam. I think it's a fashion statement! Autumn never wears matching socks, so they can get together and start a trend. Unmatched socks worn inside out!

Life is awesome today, better than it ever has been. We have renewed hope for the future and we are going to take full advantage of it. There is still some fear involved as to why Becka's lymph nodes are enlarged, but she's come this far. We are over the hill and the rest is downhill. My faith is strong and God is in charge. I'm so grateful for the answers to prayer! I said that all I wanted was "time", and he gave it to us. Thank you Lord!

God Bless and good night! Tomorrow is a new day. Always remember one thing. The ONLY people I ever need to get even with are the ones who have helped me!

Day 121

It's Wednesday night and I'm getting a late start. I just got home from class after I came home and fell asleep. It's been a good day! Becka is eating more and more, and enjoying it. We got GREAT news tonight concerning finances and our living situation, so we might be moving. I hate to move and we love this house, but if it comes through we will save six thousand dollars a year for the same size house in the same neighborhood. I can move us with dollies and a wheel barrel, literally. With the money we would save, we could buy a very nice car, so it's a no brainer. An incredible, wonderful, Christian man who owns several houses in the neighborhood is going to help us. He comes by from time to time to see Becka, and he was ecstatic when I told him about her test results. God Bless him and people like him who sacrifice for others.

Becka has gone to bed and I'm right behind her. Her PET scan is tomorrow and Andrew has an appointment in the morning, so I'm hitting the hay. God Bless and I'll update after the scan, but so far things are fantastic! All glory to God and thanks for his Grace. He is healing my love, and I am eternally grateful!

Good night!

Day 120 Continued

Tuesday is coming to an end. It's been a fabulous day! We are watching "Biggest Loser". We love this show because it changes people's lives. Our lives were changed today somewhat. Becka was given a new lease on life. She's still worried about her lymph nodes being inflamed, but I'm not. I'm thrilled about the progress, and I'm sure that she's close to remission. God is good! She has a PET scan Thursday, so we will know for sure.

I just got back from picking up the kids and driving an hour and a half in a wicked thunderstorm, so I'm pooped. We had barbecued pork for supper and Becka ate well! David is leaving us in the morning early. I've enjoyed having him here very much and so has Beck. We are going to miss him a lot! I'm going to bed in a few, but I have to say thank you to every one of you. I know you have been praying and crying with us, and it won't be forgotten. God Bless and good night! I'll write some more tomorrow!

Day 120

It's Tuesday and it's the best day I've had in what seems forever! The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and Becka's Chemotherapy is working! We had an appointment with her Doctor today and he said that the tumor in her lung had shrunk more than half, and he expects the others to have done the same. The only concern he has is that her Lymph Nodes are swollen, so he is ordering a PET scan, but lymph nodes swell for any number of reasons. The important thing is that the Chemotherapy and the radiation has shrunk and is killing the tumors! We are overjoyed at this news. God is truly good, he really is! He answers prayer as well, and I've told him over and over from my knees that if he would heal her, I would give him all the glory, so here it is! She is on the road to remission by all counts. We walked in the office today with fear and desperation, and we skipped out! I'm not putting the cart before the horse when I say that we are making plans for the future. Becka's brother David bought us breakfast and she ate bacon and pineapple! I think that there are many things she will be enjoying more now that hope has been restored.

I have to get back to work, but I just wanted to share our joy with all of you! Thank you so much for your words, actions, and prayers! God Bless you all, and I'll write some more tonight when I get back from picking up the kids!

Day 119

It's Monday evening and things are good. Becka had her Cat Scan this morning. It went well except for the stuff she had to drink. It was awful and made her gag, but I have to hand it to her, she drank it all. I don't know if I could have. Surely they can come up with something less horrid! We get her results back tomorrow morning. Pretty much everything is riding on those results as to whether or not they will continue on their present treatment. I just pray that we get the same news as we did the other day. She's been through so much and walked through all of it with Grace. If anyone deserves a break, it's her. The doctor will decide whether or not she will get a chemo treatment based on the results. I hope she doesn't need one because she's feeling so much better, and I desperately want her sense of taste to come back so she can enjoy her food again. No matter what, we are fighting this hand over fist until she is cancer free. Total remission is the only acceptable outcome. So many people are praying for her, and we are grateful for every one of you! 

Becka's brother David got here safely! He is going to the doctor with us in the morning. I wish he could stay longer, but he is only staying until Wednesday, then he's flying to Canada. He works for the Obama Administration and his job is to make sure the Pipeline never goes through. JUST KIDDING! That was just to make Ruth laugh! He is more conservative than I am. I'm really glad he's here. It puts Becka at ease when her family is near. I really hope we can get the families all together this year. 

I went to Taekwondo tonight. We did kicking drills until my legs almost fell off. It just isn't the same without Andrew. He won't be back until tomorrow night. I wouldn't enjoy it anywhere near as much if he and I didn't do it together, but I do love it and need it actually. Taekwondo is an outlet for me, and it's keeping me in as good of shape as I'm capable of. I'm grateful for the family member who is helping us financially with it. They wanted Andrew and me to continue and not disrupt his life any more than it already has been. The kids have actually been wonderful through all of this. Our lives as a family changed last October, and they will never be the same again. In some ways, it's a good thing. We have definitely become closer and we lean on each other more, and we also lean on God even more than that. He is the biggest part of our life, and all of our strength comes from him, usually through all of you. Becka has cancer, but it doesn't have her, and it definitely doesn't have us. We belong to the Lord, bought and paid for by Christ on the cross!

I will post the test results early tomorrow in my blog just as soon as we get them. God Bless all of you and thank you! I'm going to read a little then go to bed. Sweet dreams!

Day 118

It's Sunday night and a difficult one at that. Becka has a CAT scan in the morning, and she has to drink a bottle of Barium Sulfate tonight, and one tomorrow. It isn't going well. Apparently it tastes horrid, and she's struggling to get it down. She's a trooper though, and she's giving it her best effort. We have had a good day though. We ate breakfast with my Father, then we came back here and worked on the house. We pulled all of the weeds out of the flower garden, and planted some tomato plants. We still have a lot to do, but that's always the way. Nothing is ever truly finished.

She has to drink another of these awful bottles tomorrow morning before her procedure. I hate it because she gags on it and it upsets her, but I'm going to do my best to get it in her. They can't do the scan without it. God has been truly good and I know that this will all be a memory. I'm just as ready for it to end as she is.

I'm taking off work in the morning to be with her. I'll take my computer and will update while I'm there. She's not feeling well so we are going to bed. Good night and God Bless.