Day 178

It's Thursday night and it's been a better day. I'm still pretty sick, but I was able to work all day. I'm so grateful for my job. I really need to hunker down and make up the time I missed. My head still hurts, and my stomach is torn up from the medicine, but I'm on the way back. Becka isn't feeling well tonight. I can see us going to bed early.

I talked to a friend of mine today who's sister was just diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She's all to pieces. I gave him Becka's number and told him to have her call if she wants to talk. Becka has gone from stage 4 lung, brain, and body cancer, to almost being in remission. God is truly good!

I just straightened Autumn's hair for the first time. She's graduating from Middle school tomorrow. I can't believe she's going to be in High School next year. Man the times flies by. Becka is going to her graduation. I wish I could, but I have to work, and I'm meeting a guy from the "Lion's Pride" organization. They are making a video, and they want me to be in it, telling how they helped us when Becka got sick. They were fabulous, as were all of you. There are many who have carried me to this point. It's time for me to get off the wagon and help pull!

I'm going to bed with the love of my life and watch her sleep! God Bless and same time tomorrow!

Day 177

It's Wednesday night and things are about the same. I didn't work again today, which means I have to put in as much as I can tomorrow, Friday, and Saturday. I feel like I got hit by a truck. I'm supposed to go back to the doctor tomorrow if I'm not any better. I think that if I just get out of the house and move around I'll be okay. We shall see. Becka is doing well. We had "Wendy's" for supper, and I made some milk shakes. I wish I could sit here and write some more, but my head is swimming, so I'm going to bed in hopes that I will feel better tomorrow. Thank you for your prayers. I'm going to try and shave my head around the infection tomorrow so that it can heal quicker. I'll let you know tomorrow. God Bless!

Day 176

Tuesday night and I'm only on here to update because I'm very sick. The infection on the back of my head, along with the high powered antibiotics are making me feel awful, so I'm going to bed. Becka is doing very well, and I appreciate the prayers very much! God Bless and I'll try to write more tomorrow.

Day 175

It's Monday night and all is better. My head feels like it's splitting though. I went to the doctor today and he said I have a bad infection in the back of my head. He didn't even want to mess with it until I am on antibiotics for a couple of weeks. He said that if it doesn't get better in the next couple of days, or if it gets worse, they may hospitalize me. He put me on Doxycycline which is very strong, but I have to stay out of the sun as much as possible. I'll be fine, but it's hard to lay on a pillow, so I may have to sleep sitting up for a couple of days.

Becka is doing very well! We have another week and a half until her PET scan. Everything depends on that scan. They will decide then whether or not to continue treatment or suspend it for now. Please God let her be in remission. I can't stay up too long tonight because my head is hurting, but something miraculous happened to me today and I'll never forget it, and neither will my neighbors. I can assure you of that.

I was late for work this morning because I had to go to the doctor. I left the house about eight oclock, after I loaded the tables on my truck that we used in our yard sale. I had to take them back this morning. As I was leaving our neighborhood, I saw something in front of me. It was a four year old boy running flat out in his pajamas towards the road at the end of our neighborhood entrance. I was stunned at first, but I immediately knew I had to stop him. I also knew that if I stopped the truck and tried to catch him, I wouldn't make it, so I gunned it and went around him, then whipped the truck sideways in the road to block him. He stopped running and was wide eyed. I pointed at him and said "STOP". Then I asked him where he was going. He said he was going to his friend's house up the road because his Mom was still asleep. I took him by the hand and told him to tell me where he lived. Two of my neighbors had come to the edge of the road because they saw him run by, but they knew they couldn't catch him. I asked one of them to hang on to him while I moved my truck because I was blocking the entire neighborhood, so she did and I backed my truck up and parked it, then walked him home. It turns out he is a neighbor of mine, two houses over. His name is Ethan and he was wearing Thomas the Tank Engine PJ's. We got to his house and his front door was open, so I started ringing the bell. His Mom came down a little dazed, and after I told her what had happened, she started crying, grabbed him up and started kissing his face, and said thank you.

I have no doubt that God put me in the right place at the right time. If I had left ten seconds before I did, he would have been behind me and I wouldn't have seen him. If I had left ten seconds after I did, he would have run straight out in a busy road, and I don't have to finish that sentence. God is good, all of the time. I was just in the right place at the right time, but if definitely affected me. I may have saved his life.

I wanted to share that with all of you. If God can use an old burned out redneck like me, he can use anyone. Thank you so much and God Bless all of you! I will keep you posted!

Day 174

It's Sunday night and I'm going to bed. I made a mistake today by not going to the doctor. I thought that the knot on the back of my head had gone down, so I didn't go, but tonight I'm in quite a bit of pain. The pain is now shooting down through my shoulder and my ear. If I got bit by something, it was quite venomous. I'm going in the morning if I'm not better.

Something very spiritual happened to me today. A couple of weeks ago, I opened our back door in the morning and a hawk was sitting there. He and I made eye contact, then he spread his wings and took off. He was beautiful. Today, I got home and the neighborhood kids were gathered around something beside of our house. It was the hawk, and he was injured. I got them away from him and called the sheriff's department. They put me in touch with animal control, who put me in touch with the wildlife department, who put me in touch with the North Carolina Raptor Association, who gave me the number to a lady who nurses them back to health. I put the hawk in a container, then went and met her across town. She was incredible with him! She picked him up and held him, and he seemed to bond with her. She said that more than likely, he had flown in to something and was stunned, but she's going to take him and give him IV anti-inflamatories, then nurse him back to health. She's been doing it for forty years. It was incredible for me to be that close to a bird like that, and be able to help him!

Becka is doing very well. She's still weak, but she's feeling good enough to go out to dinner with some friends of ours tonight. We went to Ruby Tuesday's. We love them and love spending time with them! They are remarkable people and fantastic friends!

I feel pretty rough, so I'm going to bed. God Bless and please pray for healing, for everyone it seems! See you tomorrow!

Day 173

It's Saturday night and we are pooped! It's been a fabulous day though. We had a great yard sale, then we went out to lunch, went grocery shopping, and came back here. Becka is feeling very good even though she's ready to go to bed. I'm beyond tired. I only slept a couple of hours last night. I stayed up and priced a bunch of stuff for the yard sale, then I prepared for it, but whey I finally laid down, I couldn't get comfortable. My head is throbbing because I have a sore on the back of my head that is getting bigger. It looks like a spider bite, or even a tick bite, and I was going to just let it heal itself, but now I have a huge whelp on the back of my head, and the pain is shooting down my neck in to my shoulder. I'm also very dizzy, but that may be exhaustion. I'm going to Primecare in the morning to get it checked out. I pray that they don't have to cut my hair to heal it. All I know is that it is getting worse, and I need a doctor to look at it.

Life is good though. We don't have the kids so I'm going to rest tomorrow, (after I clean up the house and mow the lawn and check one of my neighbor's air conditioning).

Please pray that they can fix this thing on the back of my head easily. I appreciate it! God Bless and I'll let you know tomorrow how it goes!

Day 172

It's Friday and it's going to be a long night! We are having a yard sale in the morning. I'm pricing everything, (according to what Becka wants). I'm not allowed to price anything or negotiate! She does all of that. I got home from work, mowed the lawn, put up a tent, rented two tables, took the kids to Burlington and dropped them off, ran by CVS, and now I'm home! Becka is feeling better but she's worn out. I have a lot to do before I go to bed, so I'm going to get at it. She will be laying down soon. They scheduled her PET scan for June 8. Everything depends on that scan. Please keep praying for remission! God has brought her this far, and he will continue to carry us to the finish line.

By the way, whoever prayed for me to get some sleep, thanks! I slept great last night!

God Bless and love you guys and gals! I have some other things to tell you, but I'll save them for tomorrow! Good night!

Day 171

It's Thursday night and I'm finally sitting down. I am absolutely running on fumes. I didn't sleep but probably three hours total last night. I'm trying desperately to achieve natural sleep, but that bottle of Ambien is looking better every day. Anyway, I got off of work today, came home, cleaned the kitchen, cooked supper, cleaned the kitchen again, and did four loads of laundry. Becka cooked some asparagus for supper as well, but she's been hurting today and she took a pain pill just a minute ago. She's been sleeping on the couch for the last hour, and now it's time for bed. I warmed it up a while ago, so hopefully she will sleep all night. I'm going to give it a try myself in a few. I'm not sure why I'm not sleeping except for the pain. I rebroke my foot again a couple of weeks ago, but for the last three nights, I've been waking up with leg cramps. I wake up, take a few tylenol, then I'm okay. Getting old is a pain!

Becka's sense of taste has come back! She had an Arby's beef and cheddar today for lunch. Every day it gets better! I can see her getting back to normal. The stuff that was coming up in her throat isn't coming up anymore. I know that is a blessing for her, but we will have to return the "spittoon" that we bought her for her birthday! (Just kidding). Life is fantastic, if I could just sleep. I'm praying for it. I'm tired of waking up in the morning feeling like I got hit by a truck. It will pass and my body will adjust, I hope and pray!

We are going to bed. Good night and God Bless!!

Day 170

It's Wednesday night and I should be at Taekwondo, but my foot is still hurting from where I re-broke it the other day, and if I don't let it heal, it will keep on hurting. I took Andrew and picked him up and he said they had a great class. Becka and I are working on our yard sale anyway. We are having a yard sale this Saturday to try and raise some money to pay some of these doctor bills, so please if you are in Winston Salem, spread the word. I will post it on Craig's List on Friday as a "Yard Sale to raise money for cancer related bills". Becka has been working hard yesterday and today trying to get ready for it, and she's feeling it. She is worn out. I'm watching her through the back door and she keeps nodding on the couch with a blanket wrapped around her. She cleaned out our closet and I can tell you that was a CHORE. There was so much stuff in our closet that we couldn't walk through it. We have quite a few things to sell this weekend. We don't have the kids so I am taking her out to eat for sure! We haven't been on a date in a while. We are meeting some dear friends Saturday for dinner. Now that her appetite is back she will be able to enjoy it! I'm hoping and praying that it keeps going this way. We've got to get her white blood cell count up soon. She can't really be around anyone while it's down.

The past few days have been somewhat emotional for me. Words can not express how grateful I am to God for healing her. She still has a ways to go, but the fear is almost gone and it's been replaced with an insatiable wanting. I want so much for her to be free and clear of cancer. When all of this started, I really didn't know how it was going to end. God hasn't made us wonder for very long. He has poured out his grace and glory on Becka, and shown us just how much he loves us and listens to our prayers. I still have my beautiful wife. The kids still have their wonderful Mother. Her parents still have their incredible daughter. Her brother and sisters who have been so devoted through all of this still have their sister, and the world is a much brighter place with her in it. I would crawl through fire and broken glass to get to her. That is how special she is to me. She is such a part of me that I have never been able to imagine my life without her. The only way I could see the future was with her in it, and now it is coming to pass. My life is truly complete and I don't want for anything, except the means to better hers and the kids lives. I personally don't need anything else, but I will take an ITUNES card! (I would probably just give it to her).  I have about seventy songs on my IPOD. She has about seven hundred, lol.

God Bless you all and thanks as always. Your strength and commitment will not go by the wayside. I will remember it, and I'm here if you need me!

Day 169

It's Tuesday night and I need to hurry because we have a horrible storm hitting us and our power and internet are coming and going. It's been a fabulous day except for Becka's lab results. Her white blood cell counts are very low, so they told her to stay away from crowds or anyone who might be sick. When her blood counts are down then her immune system is down. Hopefully she will be better by Friday because we are "kid free" this weekend. Andrew and Autumn are going to Raleigh, and we are hoping to get together with our friends. She's feeling okay but she's still very tired and she's always cold. I'm going to get her in bed in a few after I warm it up with our bed heater.

There is a lot I would love to share, but I'm afraid I'm going to get booted again. God Bless and I'll write some more tomorrow.

Day 168

It's Monday night and we are watching "America's Got Talent". I'm sure that America does have talent, but it's not on here! Anyway, Becka is doing great! She met me for lunch today and she looked fantastic when she got out of the van! She was wearing a white shirt and some pink shorts, and her black hat. She's got stubble all over her head! It won't be long before she has a full head of hair. Her side is still hurting her and she's always cold. I had to convince her that I could cover her in electric blankets so that the kids and I could run the air-conditioning. It's getting so much better though!

I'm going to give her some meds for pain and help her lay down. Things are good, and they can only get better! God Bless and see you tomorrow!

Day

Sunday night and I can't believe the weekend is gone already. It was great though! We went to a couple of yard sales yesterday, and today we took the girls to the mall, then we took Andrew and a friend of his to "Airbound". It's a new place in Winston that is full of trampolines. The kids can jump back and forth from one to the other. Andrew had been wanting to go for a while now. Becka and I sat and watched them have a ball, then we went to cookout and had a milk shake. I brought them back to the house and dropped them off, then picked up Autumn, went to the grocery store, and came home to cook tacos for supper.

 Becka is feeling great, and she's growing even more hair. She has peach fuzz all over the top of her head! It won't be long before she won't have to wear a hat anymore. I can't describe in words what a blessing it is to watch her heal before my very eyes. Her spirit is so strong and she has fought so hard to get here. She deserves to have hair again! I knew that the cancer didn't have a chance with her. She has said all along that she's not ready to give up, and we still have lots of things to do together. This experience has strengthened our relationship and brought us closer together as a family. God has a reason for everything, and he healed her, so he must have a glorious plan for her! I have always thought that my wife is gorgeous, but since she's not on chemo anymore, her color has come back and her eyes are as clear as crystal! Her clothes don't fit her anymore because of the weight loss, and her feet are so small! Everything about her gets better every day! I know that sounds cliche', but my heart has been in this from the beginning, and the pain and fear have paid off. I have my wife back!

Everything good that has happened is a result of prayer. God is responsible for all good things that happen to us. We are so very grateful to all of you! So many people have stepped up to the plate, and we love you for it! Thank you!

We are playing a new game together, so I'm going to play for a while then go to bed. The game is called "Draw Something". She and I also play Gin. Games are a great way for a family to come together I think. It helps us anyway! God Bless and I'll update tomorrow!

Day 166

It's Saturday night and we are watching Nascar racing. To tell you the truth, I won't be up much longer. I just can't seem to shake this stuff, but I'm feeling better. I have GREAT news to report. Becka is growing hair!! She has little hairs coming in all over the top of her head! One of them was hurting her, so I pulled it out with a pair of tweezers. We are thrilled! She has lots of them, and they will only get thicker as the chemo works itself out of her body! Things can only get better from here! We prayed for this moment in time, where she's done with treatment, her hair is growing back, and we can forget about cancer for a while, and it's here finally. It doesn't seem like it's been months that she was taking treatments. It seems like years. I'm just afraid that since the cancer is gone from her brain, she will realize that I'm her husband one morning, scream and run down the street. I have a stun gun and net standing by!

We went out to breakfast this morning. I love the fact that she is enjoying food again. It's so wonderful for me to be able to go places with Becka. She is still having problems with dizziness and she's weak, but it gets better every day. We stopped by and saw my sister. Everyone tells Beck how good she looks. Besides the hair being gone, she doesn't look like a chemo patient. She's a babydoll!

We are going to have a yard sale in a couple of weeks to try and raise money for some of our doctor bills and such. Becka is okay with advertising it as a cancer charity yard sale. I see people having fund raisers all of the time for cancer patients, so I'm okay with it too. I would actually love to raise some money for a nice vacation. I think she deserves to feel the sand and smell the ocean.

Life is good tonight! I'm going to rub Becka's feet, watch the race, and eat some cookies! (What diet). God Bless and sweet dreams! Same time tomorrow!

Day 165

It's finally Friday! I'm so glad the weekend is here. I'm feeling better tonight than I did last night thanks to Tylenol. We are having a very exciting evening, (watching "Bait Car"). After work, we all went out to eat together. It was nice, and Autumn's friend Dillon went with us. I think I ate too much, because I came back here and laid down for about an hour. Now I'm waiting on my favorite show to come on, "The Ultimate Fighter", but I doubt I'll be able to stay awake. Becka is doing great! She's feeling so much better. I'm going to try and coax her to take it easy this weekend. She's been running lately, trying to get some stuff done. I'm grateful that she is doing more, but I want her to heal. Only time will tell, but she's going to be fantastic!

I'll finish this in the morning. Good night and God Bless! Thanks for everything!

Day 164

It's Thursday night and this is going to be very short. I just got home from playing golf with my boss and my team today. We had a fabulous time, but my feet and legs are killing me and I can hardly stay awake. Becka is doing good tonight. She's in a little pain but she's taking very good vitamins that we bought at GNC, and slowly but surely she's returning to health. I really wish I could write more right now, but I'm hurting all over and I'm going to bed. I've been trying to get sick for a couple of days and I think it's setting in. I'm probably just worn out.

Good night and God Bless. I'll write some more tomorrow!

Day 163

It's Wednesday night and we just got home a few minutes ago. When I got home from work, we all went to the Mall looking for Autumn some shoes for her graduation. We didn't find any but we did find Andrew some shoes and Autumn a new hair Iron. Then we had supper and came back here. I can barely keep my eyes open, but Becka is doing great! She is feeling much better! Every day away from Chemo will get better. Her color has come back and she looks fantastic. She has always been and always will be beautiful, but as she gets well, her eyes become clearer. Her skin is so soft, and she doesn't have a single wrinkle, unlike me. I have luggage under my eyes. I don't even have to carry a bag through the airport. I just stuff everything under my eyelids! Becka is forty seven with a twenty seven year old face.

Things are good in the Patton household. The kids are happy. I think they both know how much better their Mom is doing. I'm going to bed in just a few minutes. I'm playing golf all day tomorrow. My team won last year, so wish us luck! We didn't win because of my play, even though I had a couple of good shots, but most of the time I am a shankapotomus. I love it though. The weather is supposed to be good as well!

Good night and God Bless. Tonight I'm praying for all of you, that God will answer your prayers and show you his Glory and compassion the way he has us! He is healing Becka and she will be cancer free soon!

Day 162

It's Tuesday night and we are cooling our jets. I've been running all day, but it's been a good day. I got a lot accomplished. Becka met my boss and me for lunch today after she had her Aridia treatment. Now she has a full month's reprieve from everything! She only gets Aridia once a month, but she will probably have to get it for the rest of her life, which means she will leave her port in. She had talked about having the port in her chest taken out, but if she needs the treatment from now on, she will leave it in. It's very useful since it directs the medicine directly to her blood stream.

I think about where she is and the condition she's in tonight and the only word that comes to mind is miraculous. God is truly good and loves us so much. It won't be long at all before she's growing hair. She's still in some pain and she can't seem to get comfortable, but that will pass, soon we hope. I'm SO ready for her to feel normal again!

My eyes have been hurting me all day and I'm getting dizzy. Everyone around me has the flu. My father has been sick for a week and so has my stepfather. I pray I'm not getting what they have had. I think I'm just exhausted. Everything is done, so all I need to do is make the coffee for in the morning and I'm going to bed. Good night and God Bless as always! Same time tomorrow!

Day 161

It's Monday night and things are definitely looking up! Becka is feeling better. She's still hurting, but she's eating and we are watching "America's Got Talent". Howard Stern is a judge this year. I really should be at taekwondo, but we are having major thunderstorms and I'm exhausted. There is no way I'll be able to stay up for this. Becka is eating jerky. You can tell because all of the dogs aren't letting her out of their sights. I make beef jerky in a dehydrator out of London Broil. This time I made a batch of "hickory" flavor. I also make teriyaki and hot. It's the one thing that she's been able to eat ever since she started Chemo. Her favorite is the hickory and hot mixed, (hot hickory). I've thought about maybe trying to sell some. Everyone who has tried it has liked it, but I now understand why jerky is so expensive in the stores. It takes me two days to make one batch, and the ingredients are very expensive.

I'm SO glad she's feeling better! She has an Aridia treatment tomorrow. Aridia is a wonderful cancer drug that boosts her healing. It also keeps the cancer from traveling to her bones. Cancer research has come so very far in the past couple of years. One day we will be on the plus side again, and we are DEFINITELY supporting cancer research! The doctors and nurses that have saved Becka's life are Angels, and I am forever in their debt. Becka has a LONG way to go. She still can't travel far, she gets dizzy easily, and her body has taken a beating, but we will get there sooner or later! She wants so badly to get back to work. Becka loves her job and she really misses it, and apparently she's very good at it since she has an entire wall of awards from Unum. That is one company that takes care of it's employees. They have been very good to her and to us through all of this. Two companies that I thoroughly recommend to work at are Food Lion and Unum. Both of them treat us like family rather than just an employee.

It's storming horribly here so I'm going to cut this short while I still have internet service. God Bless and see you tomorrow!

Day 160

It's Sunday night already. Wow did the weekend go by quickly! I got a lot done though. The house looks good, and Becka had a good mother's day I think! We gave her a new cedar bird feeder, a hanging basket,  a hummingbird feeder, and a new four way heavy duty Shepard's hook to hang it all on. I put it in the back yard so that she can look out the back door and see it. We also gave her a movie she wanted called "Letters to Juliet". She's going to watch it when she goes for her Aridia treatment on Tuesday. I wish we could have gone to see my mother, but my stepfather is still sick and Becka can't be around him. Please keep him in your prayers, (Steve). We sent my Mother some "Shari's Berries". They are the biggest chocolate covered strawberries you have ever seen. If you get time, please go look at the website, berries.com. Another great gift idea are Edible Arrangements. We've sent those as well.

Becka has had a good day, but she's still hurting. I talked her in to taking a pain pill earlier. She's gone to bed, and now I'm waiting on the kids to follow suit. I've got a few more loads of laundry I can do until then. I'm looking forward to this week. I'm playing golf Thursday with my boss. (He's paying!) I also know that this week will be when Becka starts feeling better for good! She deserves it. I pray that God restores her completely, and she never has to go through this again. We will have to watch it for the rest of our lives, but I refuse to live in fear. God healed her for a reason. He has plans for her that are glorious, so we will do our best to live every day in his will. I'm grateful for every second that God has blessed me with Becka, and for every second he has in store for the future. Life doesn't have to be "too short". It all depends on what we do with what we have left.

I'm going to get as much done as I can before I go to bed, and check on her. God Bless and sweet dreams, and Happy Mother's Day!

Day 159

It's Saturday night and it's been a busy day! Becka and I went to a fund raiser at the church down the street. They were having a 5k for missions trips and a yard sale. We also went to a couple of yard sales. Half of the stuff we own used to belong to someone else! We bought two chicken pies from the church for supper one night. We've had them before and they are Heavenly! I imagine that one of the dishes in Heaven will be "Moravian Chicken Pie". We came back here and I worked on the house, mowed the front and back lawns, and did some laundry. Autumn and I went Mother's Day shopping. I'll let you know tomorrow what we bought. My stepfather is very sick with the flu, so please keep him in your prayers. We aren't going to my Mother's house tomorrow because of that, but we had something delivered there. I'll tell you what this is tomorrow as well! Right now I'm waiting on our sheets to dry so Becka can go to bed. It shouldn't be long. I had to massage her legs and feet tonight because they are cramping so bad from the chemo. Her body is pretty much hurting all over, but still no nausea. I'll be so glad when this is over, and I know she will too. I'm in NO pain after the cortisone I got yesterday. My leg and even my elbow feels great! The only bad thing about cortisone is that I won't know if I hurt it worse.

Tomorrow will be a day of rest, even though Becka and I took a two hour nap today. I have very strange dreams when I sleep during the day. I woke up and cooked some Mexican pizzas for supper. Everyone enjoyed them! We will probably eat the pies tomorrow night.

Becka is exhausted and hurting. I'm watching her on the couch right now. She's dozing off until I can get the bed made. I'll work on our bedroom tomorrow. There are clothes everywhere that need to be put away. Becka does as much as she can and them some. I usually need to "persuade" her to rest. I know she wants to help, but she needs to let her body heal, and I'm not really worried about the housework anyway. I will get to it when I get to it. Even if I clean the entire house, it will just be dirty again tomorrow. Remember, we have four dogs and three kids. I just pray that God keeps giving me the energy to keep going. The kids are eager to help as well, (when I threaten their lives). It's amazing how much you can get a kid to do these days when you hold an IPOD over the toilet.

I'm going to make the bed, give Becka a pain pill, and tuck her in. MAN I love my life. I wouldn't be anywhere else in this world right now. My wife loves me, my kids love me, my boss loves me, and my dog thinks I hung the moon! What else is there? I mean, I could use a million dollars, but until then it's okay. (Someone please forward this to Bill and Melinda Gates). I hear they are very charitable. We are going to have to put some money away soon to buy a new vehicle. Our minivan has see it's better days and I'm afraid it's going to break down. I'm very grateful for it though. It still runs and the air conditioning and radio work! God will make a way. I haven't said this yet, but we did receive a blessing. Our landlord lowered our rent by 200.00 a month. God Bless him and his family. I told him we were going to have to move, and he told us that they want us to stay. It means so much to me when someone sacrifices like that. They knew Becka was in no condition to move, so here we are!
God is constantly taking care of us, either by miracles or by touching people's hearts. One day, I will be on the giving end, I can promise you that, and I won't forget anything that people have done for us. There is so much love in my heart right now for my family and for all of you. I pray that God keeps it there forever!

Sweet dreams!

Day 158

It's Friday night and we are finally home. Andrew had a violin concert this evening. They were fantastic! Autumn's best friend Dillon was in it as well. Dillon is our other daughter. Fantastic young lady that will go far in life! I just got Becka to bed. She's hurting all over and she's already taken two pain pills. Even though I'm conservative, what she has gone through makes a good case for medical marijuana. It will be okay though. She's all wrapped up in a nice warm bed. Hopefully she will sleep all night. I went to the doctor today to see my Orthopedist. I got a cortisone epidural in my spine. My Sciatica had gotten pretty bad, to the point where I couldn't even drive ten miles without getting out and walking around. The epidurals usually last several months. This is the first one I've needed since last October. I'm waiting up so make sure Autumn and Dillon get home safely, then I'll probably go to bed as well. I was going to cook tonight, but it got so late that we grabbed a pizza on the way home.

Becka is in a lot of pain tonight. I pray that she can relax and sleep. She never takes the pain medicine unless she is hurting severely. She called me today and told me that her lung felt like it's trying to claw it's way out of her. It was about the time a hornet flew up and stung me in the face. The bad part is, he got away. I never even got a swipe at him!

I'm going to keep a close eye on her tonight, so I'm finishing this here. Tomorrow is a rest day. I hope she's feeling better by Mother's Day. I got her a__________. I hope she likes it!

God Bless and sweet dreams!

Day 157

Thursday night and it's business as usual. I just got home from class with Andrew. I was so proud of him in the tournament the other day, and he has a concert tomorrow at school. The kid is fantastic with his violin! I got home from work today and cooked supper. We had some fantastic sausage sandwiches that I cooked on the grill. The kids chowed down, and Becka ate a portion of one. I also cut her some watermelon, which she could live on. It's been a rough day for her. She's been taking her anti-nausea medicine all day, and her body is hurting all over. She was nodding out on the couch, so I just put her to bed. I cranked up the bed warmer to nine before I left for class, so she's as snug as a bug. She took two pain pills, one before I left, and one just now, so I pray she sleeps all night. I can't believe this is almost over! She has about five hairs growing on the back of her head! We were so excited when we found them! I just hope this round of chemo doesn't make them fall out, but even so, her hair is going to come back thick! They said it may come back straight and could even be a different color. It's all good, as long as it comes back. I don't care, but I know she wants it. (If it comes back blonde, we are dying it). No offense to you blondes out there, but I really dig my hot brunette!

Please God just let her get through this without getting sick. If we can keep the medicines in her, maybe she will be okay. It's usually Monday or Tuesday when the effects start going away, so we will see. Either way, it's over for now. Praise God in all his glory! My Baby can feel good again! She has fought so hard for so long it seems. Even before she found out about the cancer, she went through so much, and eventually had to have a hysterectomy. She's been sick for a very long time, and through it all, found the time to love all of us. She really is a remarkable woman. I will never ever know what she saw in me. It had to be God touching her heart. I only pray that I've done all that I could do to enrich her life the way she has mine. She makes me a better man every day just by loving me. She is a true Proverbs 31 woman!

I'm going to chow down and then go to bed. God Bless all of you from the bottom of my heart! The "Good Time" train has left the station, and we are on board! It's going to be a great ride!

Day 156

It's Wednesday night and I'm finally sitting down! I haven't been home from work very long. I had to work late because I was helping another technician in one of his stores. I got a late start this morning because I woke up sick. I was up most of the night with stomach stuff and I couldn't breath this morning. I think I have the same thing the kids have had for a few days. I felt better as the day went on. Becka is feeling okay but she's wiped out. She will be for about a week. I just pray that she gets through this round without nausea, but they filled her up with stuff since it was her last one, so we are prepared. I had her anti-nausea medicine refilled last night and she is going to take it proactively. In a few days, it will all be over!

For months, I have been trying to create a chronological record of what she has been going through. Now I'm going to shift gears and report on her progress! We have so much to look forward to now! She's going to start feeling better at first, then her energy will return. We will help that with good food and vitamins. She can start exercising as well to build up her muscles, and of course, she will grow hair! I KNOW she wants to have hair again. She has a gorgeous head, but she should have a great head of hair by the time winter gets here. Another thing that will return is her appetite. It has already to some extent, but she will be able to enjoy food like she used to be able to. She will have more freedom to go places and make plans for the future, and we definitely have plans.

I guess the thing we won't miss the most is fear. A lot of that has been removed. We don't live in terror like we did at the start, but it's still there, and it will be until she has her scan in about a month. When she is cancer free, that will be when I sleep all night. That will be when I don't have panic attacks anymore. That will be when I can take a full breath and not feel like throwing up. Fear will be replaced with serenity.

 I love my wife so very much! I love my in-laws too. Becka's sisters are both incredible women of faith who walk the walk. They are the same people on Saturday night that they are on Sunday morning. They get it from their parents who are two of the most devoted people on the planet. Becka's Father and Mother are beyond reproach. There isn't anything negative to say about them. Her brother is a devoted, caring father and husband who loves his family and God. I really am crazy about the whole family, and they have embraced me as a part of the family. I consider it an honor!

The life I want is what I have, and freedom is right around the corner. Freedom to take Becka places, do things together, and make new memories that will replace the bad ones of the past. It's almost here! God is good, so very good!

I'm going to get her to bed. God Bless and thanks so much as always! Our Journey is changing, and the promised land is in sight! See you tomorrow!

Day 155

It's Tuesday and the start of a new journey! Today was Becka's last chemotherapy treatment. She still has to go back for her Aridia treatments and for a Pet scan, but now she can recover, grow hair, have more energy, and relax! It was a long day. I went and got lunch for us and we spent the day together at the hospital. She said that she has mixed feelings. She's glad that the treatments are over for now, but she's going to miss the comfort of knowing that they are giving her what she needs to survive. Today, a man and his wife were sitting beside of us for his first treatment. He has lymphoma and we could tell that he is scared. Becka shared with him how far she's gone and it took a load off of his mind. The initial diagnosis is terrifying, but after the results that Becka got, the fear goes away because we realized that God has future plans for her. With Becka's personality, she's going to be able to ease a lot of scared minds at the Cancer Center. I bought us matching shirts today from the Center's gift shop that say "Cancer Sucks". EVERYONE wanted one!

This journey will never end, but thank the Lord it changes. There is no finish line, there is only today, because that is all we ever have anyway. No one is promised tomorrow, so tonight we are celebrating! She will have to go through a few days of feeling bad, but after that it's all good! Thank you so much for walking with us. We STILL need all of the support we can get. Please keep praying and hoping, and praising God for answering our prayers! He has absolutely come through with flying colors!

I'll keep writing and updating! Good night and God Bless!

Day 154

It's Monday night, or what I would like to call, the day before the end. Tomorrow is the end of suffering, sickness, misery, pain, and trials. Becka has gone through all of those and more, and she has done so with grace and dignity, never letting anyone really know how bad she was feeling. She's fought for her life because it's worth fighting for. So many  people have walked with us through this in so many ways. The only way I know to express our gratitude is to live the best life we can and help others along the way. I was once a hopeless drug addict, and now I'm a drugless hope addict! Life has more meaning tonight than it ever has before. I remember way back in my blog I said that all I wanted was time. More time to spend with the love of my life, and God heard me cry out to him. He also heard all of you, and boy did he deliver! Tomorrow will come and go. She may or may not get sick, but after that it's all uphill from there! Life will never be normal again. We have bonded too closely for it to be just a "marriage". We have something that I didn't think existed, and I know I would never have found it anywhere else. We are truly one, a kindred spirit. I know it sounds like a cliche', but that's only because I can't truly express it in words. I will die in her arms one day, that is my wish!

I'm watching her through the window and she's zoning out, so I'd better go put her to bed. We have to be at the hospital in the morning, so I'll post and let you know how it goes. Good night and God Bless! I pray that all of you find what I have in Becka. I thank God so much for the "time" he has given us. I plan to make the most of it!

Day 153

It's Sunday night and all is well. This weekend has flown by. Right now, Becka is watching "The Amazing Race" and eating a salad, but she's been hurting all day so we will probably turn in early. Today has been a day of reflection for me. I've been thinking about what we've been through together and it seems surreal. We all went out to breakfast together this morning. The ONLY way to get the kids up early on Sunday is either Church or food. I'll be glad when Becka feels like sitting through a sermon again. I miss going to church and being a part of a church family. It keeps me on track because it makes me accountable. Her hips and back have been killing her, and yesterday at the tournament didn't help. I was apparently exhausted, because today we went to the park for a little while and played volleyball, then we came back here and I told Becka I was going to take a short nap. She woke me up two and a half hours later. I feel like we are coming to the end of a long journey. I hope it's the end, so we can begin another one. I've never experienced so many emotions before without medicating them away. It's been a growing experience for me, that much is certain.

At this moment I know for sure without any doubt that I've never loved another human being as much as I love Becka. The thought of living life without her was torturing me, and watching her go through this has been agonizing, but God has answered all of our prayers and he is restoring her to health. I think of her friend in Tennessee who got hit by a car walking across the road right before Christmas two years ago. She was killed instantly. Her husband and children were devastated.  They never got to say goodbye, and I wonder if he told her he loved her before she left that morning. Memories like that are what make me tell Becka how much I love her every day. If I don't come home from work tomorrow, I don't want there to be any doubt in her mind about my feelings for her.This life is incredibly short. I know that now. When I was twenty, I never considered it. We thought we would be here forever, but now that I'm forty four, I realize that I'm probably closer to death than birth, so I'm going to try and make the best of every day. God's timing is impeccable. He put me here when I was ready and gave me the best life I could ever imagine. I'm so very grateful to him. He loves me so much more than I love myself. I don't even like myself most of the time, but I'm working on it.

God Bless you all and please keep praying. She's getting better but she's not out of the woods yet. Her last chemo treatment is Tuesday. The doctors say it will probably be the worst, but after that, she can grow hair again, enjoy food again, and start to really live again. That's our goal, for her to go through one day and not think about cancer at all!

Sweet dreams and same time tomorrow!

Day 152

It's Saturday night and we are beat. We had a fantastic day though. We spent all day in a very hot gymnasium at our taekwondo tournament. Every muscle in my body is hurting. Becka is pretty sore as well. The tournament went fantastic. Andrew was phenomenal. He's won seven medals now. His form was spot on, he broke his board clean, and then came the sparring. Andrew went up against a young man who was bigger than Andrew and obviously had more experience sparring. Andrew and I had a game plan and it was working great until the other kid kicked Andrew in the jaw. Head shots are prohibited so he got a warning, but then just a few seconds later, he nailed Andrew in the groin. Andrew was hurt so they gave him a timeout and I ran over to talk to him. He got up and was going to finish the fight, and then the kid kicked him in the groin again. It was over at that point. He was going to continue, but I stopped it. I could tell that he was in a lot of pain, so I told him he didn't have anything else to prove and we were proud of him. He will heal, train some more, (and one day knock that kid out).

We got to see three of our instructors become Masters! They are all incredible people. The dedication involved and the commitment it takes to become a Master in Korean Taekwondo is unparalleled.

Everyone was very glad to see Becka! We stayed long enough for me to compete in form, then we left. I took second, and there were more than two people competing, so I'm pretty happy with that! Becka is hurting, so she's going to take a pain pill and go to bed. Life is so good right now! I'm grateful beyond words. Tomorrow is a day of rest and cleaning, so I'll write some more then! God Bless and goodnight!

Day 151

Friday night! It's late but we just got home. We went to a little festival in Kernersville and had a great time! SO many people came up to Becka. One lady even offered to clean our house for free! Becka is a walking miracle, and I think people know that. She's doing great tonight even though we walked quite a ways. She ate a roasted corn on the cob. I had pizza, and Andrew had a blooming onion. Autumn didn't want to go. She missed out because we had a blast! There were all kinds of crafts and booths, and they had rides and games for the kids. Becka did great and she had a good time, but she's hurting now and just took a pain pill, so we are going to bed. I'm going with her because it's going to be a very long day tomorrow. Our Taekwondo tournament is in High Point, and we have to leave here at nine. We are driving two cars so that Becka can leave if she needs to.

God has answered all of our prayers, ever single one so far. He is taking care of us and I have no reason to believe that he's going to stop. He works through all of you, so thank you for opening your hearts and sacrificing the way you have. We really do appreciate it! God Bless you abundantly!

Will try to write a little sooner tomorrow.

Day 150

It's Thursday night and I feel like I've been run over by a truck. I was on top of a building all day and I'm still sweating. I came home and laid down again, even though I slept all night. I seem to get more tired every day for some reason. I wasn't going to taekwondo, but we are in a tournament this Saturday and I needed the practice. I think I need a good vitamin regimen. Or maybe I should just act my age, but I don't want to. I'm not ready for the rocking chair just yet. I'm going to bed in a few.

Becka is feeling better but she's still in pain. She's obviously done something bad to her back and she can't get comfortable. She may have over did it as of late. Right now she's very happy because she's talking to a friend who she adores. Becka loves all of her friends, but Jen is special to her. I think they would find something to talk about on the phone until tomorrow some time. It occurred to me today that I don't have a sense of impending doom anymore. We have an abundance of hope now. Becka has fought the hard fight and she's winning. Now it's time to reap the benefits. Life can finally return to normal, for now anyway!

It's been a very long day, so I'm going to bed. God Bless and I'll see you tomorrow, I hope!

Day 149

It's Wednesday night and I'm running a little late. I just finished cleaning the kitchen because Becka cooked. She made a fabulous chicken and pasta dish, and some corn on the cob. It's been a rough day though. I woke up all night last night from bad dreams and various pains, so when I got home from work I was exhausted, and the minute I walked in the house, my phone rang with an emergency and I had to go back to work. When I got home the second time, I walked in the house, kissed Becka, took off my uniform, and laid down in the bed for a couple of hours. I didn't wake back up until about seven thirty, and here I am. Becka is in a lot of pain tonight, so this is going to be short. The pain is in her side and back, on the left. She's hurting so bad tonight that she took two pain pills and she's already laid down. I'm going to write this and go be with her in case she needs something. She's going to call the doctor in the morning just in case, but we are hoping she's pulled a muscle.

I have to tell you what someone did today. One of the guys that delivers wine to some of my stores brought me something to give Becka. He knows all about what she's been going through, so be brought us a cardboard cut out, (life size), of Jim Valvano. He's riding on top of his player's shoulders and it says, "Never give up, never ever give up", on the top of it. For those of you who might not know who Jim Valvano was, he was the head coach of the NC State basketball team who took his Cinderella team to win the National Championship. Years later he battled cancer and eventually lost, but he gave one of the most famous speeches in all of sports right before he died where he said, Never give up, never ever give up. If you have time, please pull it up on Youtube and listen to the speech. Anyone with cancer will appreciate it. The "Jimmy V" foundation was started and named after him. They raise money for cancer research.

I'm headed to check on her. She's in a great deal of pain. She also took an anti nausea pill just in case. God Bless and sweet dreams!

Day 148

It's Tuesday night and we are winding down for the evening. We are watching the season finale' of "The Biggest Loser". I hope President Obama wins! (I had to say that). This show is life changing. I watch them lose all of this weight and I wonder why it's so hard for me to lose twenty pounds! I guess it's all about something I've never had, which is will power. I think desire has a lot to do with it too. The winner tonight won a quarter of a million dollars for losing two hundred pounds. He deserves it, and he has a new life as well!

Becka is feeling good but her feet and legs are still bothering her. I can't wait to take her to the beach. She's starting to grow hair! I'm sure it will start growing like crazy after she's completely off of chemo. She has a red patch on her leg and we hope it's not because she's allergic to cantaloupe. I bought three of them yesterday and she ate some, and now she's starting to break out. As long as it's not poison Ivy, of which I am EXTREMELY allergic and would end up in total misery if subjected to. The last time I had poison ivy, it covered my body and I had to soak in oatmeal. Time will tell!

Things are good tonight. Life is good, and I'm very grateful. I'm going to enjoy it for as long as it lasts. Only good things to write about tonight! Be blessed and sleep well!