Day 208

It's Saturday and a better day all the way around. Becka is actually doing better. The doctor started her on high powered steroids, and they have taken her pain away. She was able to sleep on her side last night for the first time in a long time. It was very nice, because I got to look at her face all night. I slept about an hour last night. To be honest, I was afraid to go to sleep. This morning, I took her for her second radiation treatment. They will make her feel better as well, and she has improved dramatically in just two treatments. Her speech is much clearer and her eyes are more focused. She still has no equilibrium and her motor skills are at about fifty percent. She is having a hard time typing, which is annoying her, but that will go away when the radiation is over. The stroke didn't cause any permanent damage. We did a few things around the house today. I needed to go to work, but I was afraid to leave her, so I sent a back up company to the stores that needed service today. Becka's sister Ruth is going to be here tomorrow, (praise the Lord), and I'll be able to relax a little and do what I need to. I'm so grateful for her family and mine, and all of our supportive friends who give of themselves without expecting anything in return. God Bless you all. I couldn't do this without you. 


Becka loves her IPOD. She listens to music all of the time, and today it went missing. We turned the house upside down, then I searched the van and my truck, but no IPOD. She was heart broken because it has been with her all the way through all of her treatments, and she has over a hundred inspirational songs on it which lift her up. We came to the conclusion that she had left it at the hospital, so I called and talked to a lady named Jill, (God Bless her), who went down to radiology and looked for it, but couldn't find it. I had just given her my IPOD, when I decided to make one more search. Her camera bag was sitting there and we had both looked in it, but the third time I looked, her IPOD magically appeared in the back pocket. I can't tell you how happy it made her, and me. Does anyone doubt that God had  everything to do with finding it? 


I'm in much better spirits tonight. She is better, so I am better. Her attitude is still that of a warrior, and she hasn't lost a step in the battle. She wants to be well, so we are at war, and we will be until we defeat the enemy, or it defeats us. There is no giving up, and no turning back. She is going to win.


A good friend of ours made the suggestion of creating a paypal account for anyone who would like to help with doctor bills, medicines, etc. I would never ask for a penny from anyone, but I did create an account, and when Ruth gets here tomorrow, I'm going to ask her to put the link on my blog. Please don't be offended by it or feel obligated in any way, but several people have asked how they could help, so I'm going to make it possible. We appreciate everything, especially the prayers, and I've been praying all day. I'm giving it all to God. Whatever happens is up to him.


God Bless and good night. I'll post more tomorrow, and hopefully it will be good news!

Day 207

It's Friday night and I can't see me going to bed anytime soon. The nightmare isn't over yet. For those of you who don't know, the doctors found four new tumors in Becka's brain today. One of them is deep inside and has already bled, and it caused a minor stroke, which explains the way she has been feeling and acting for the past week. God must have a plan for her, because it should have killed her. Dr Stieber immediately started her back on radiation treatments today, and he even called in his staff to give her one tomorrow, even though they are always closed on Saturday. They are going to try their best to get rid of them. 


This isn't about me, it's about her, but I need to write down how I feel right now so that I won't ever forget it. All of my joy is gone tonight. It's almost surreal. I don't understand this at all. She was so happy because she had started growing hair again, and now it's back to square one. I finally did pray tonight and I'm begging God to please save her. The God in the bible, the one who I've always been told was omnipotent and gracious, loving and caring, hears our prayers. I'm praying to him, but he knows and I know that I'm very selfish when it comes to her, and I need her here. I'm placing it in his hands, and if he heals her, I will give him all of the glory, but if he doesn't and she suffers, I don't want to hear anything about it being "God's Will". I'm hurt and I'm terrified right now, and I feel like I'm going to fall apart, but I can't. I have to hold it together for her and for the kids. This little setback isn't going to get me down. Lord, I give it all to you, and I beg for mercy. With everything I have and everything I am, please.


Please keep praying. I'll be up for a while cleaning and checking on her. I gave her a steroid pill and a pain pill a minute ago and she's gone to bed. I'll be up watching her all night, that much is certain. I talked to the kids about this today, and I explained to them that she definitely could recover, but they need to spend as much time praying as possible. I've never hated anything in my life as much as I hate cancer. 


God Bless and thanks for everything. I'm going to organize a bake/yard sale to try and raise some money for bills. They are piling on, and I foresee bankruptcy in our future, but that doesn't matter to me right now. All I care about is her getting well.


Good night.

Day 206

It's Thursday night and we are winding down for the evening. Becka is doing a little better. She told me today two things that I needed to hear, 1) She loves me, and 2) She's not giving up! She is still hurting from her head to her toes, but she's up tonight on the couch watching "Wipeout", which is one of her favorite shows. At times like this, I thank God for vicodin. She was told by another cancer patient that this pain is normal. It's her body healing from the chemotherapy. All will be well eventually. She has little hairs all over her head! It's only a matter of time before she has a full head of hair. That will be a big boost for her, the fact that she won't have to wear a hat anymore.


I came home with a sinus headache today and I still have it, so I'm going to bed. My gorgeous wife will be okay because she's in God's hands! We have to be at the doctor in the morning for her MRI results, so I'll post after that and fill you in. God Bless and good night!

Day 205

It's Wednesday night and I'm kind of lost. I don't know what else to do. Becka is in bed. She tried coming to Andrew and my taekwondo testing, but I had to bring her back home because she was in such pain, and she became violently ill when we got here. She felt better afterwards, but for a couple of weeks now, it seems all she wants to do is sleep. I'm scared about everything these days. I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open, so I'm going to bed in a few. I talked to her tonight before she went back to sleep. She was gazing in to space and I told her to look at me. I said that she has come this far. Now is not the time to give up. The finish line is in sight, so I'm going to push her to try and get better. She's been so very sick for so very long. At times like this I feel like it's all slipping away.


My heart is hurting now just thinking about it and my chest is as well, so I'm going to lay down. Andrew and I got our red belts tonight. Testing went very well. I'm glad he doesn't realize how sick his Mom is. He really is a great young man.


God Bless and please pray hard. This is a turning point, and we need to turn the page on this and keep on keeping on. Good night.

Day 204

Tuesday night and I'm headed for bed. I'm pooped. Andrew and I have been training pretty hard for taekwondo testing tomorrow. We will be red belts! I've been training with my good friend Lee who has thrown me to the floor about a hundred times in the last two days. It's okay though because I got to throw him down as well! He's a fabulous, wonderful friend of ours. The kind of guy who has no enemies. I'll never be able to say that, that's for sure. I remember years ago that I had hurt a friend of mine, so I went to try and make it right. I asked him if there was anything I could do for him, and he said, "Yes, you can die". I got the message.


Becka isn't doing much better. Whatever is wrong with her back is worse than we thought. She goes to the doctor in the morning to have an MRI of her head, and then she's going to have her back checked. I just ran in the house to turn up the bed heater. She's on the couch watching "America's Got Talent". By the looks of this years show, America doesn't have talent, but what am I, a critic?


I'm very tired so I'm going to bed. I'll update tomorrow on how Beck is doing. She's my heart and I wish I could take her pain away, but until then. I'm going to keep praying and doing what I've been doing.


Good night and God Bless

Day 203

It's Monday night and I wish I could say all is well, but Becka has been in rough shape today. I'm glad she's going to the doctor tomorrow. I called her all day and she was sleeping most of the day, and she's still in bad pain. I put her to bed about two hours ago with a couple of pain pills because she could hardly move. I'm praying hard and often for this to be over. I love taking care of my Baby, but I want so badly for her to feel good again. Please pray that our merciful God will rain down healing soon. I don't know what I would do without her. I can't put myself in that position in my mind. This fight is my calling in life. We fought for her life, and now we are fighting to get her well again. Her spirit has been sucked out of her through all of this. She used to laugh all of the time and I miss that terribly. I really don't know what else I can do except just keep pushing on until she's recovered. I don't care how long it takes. When I first started this blog, I said that all I wanted was time. Time with her to do the things together that we haven't done. Now I'm praying for time for me. I'm praying that God sees fit to let me live long enough to see her well again. It's funny, I spent the first part of my life trying to destroy this body that God gave me, and now I'm working out, eating right, and doing my best to get in shape so that I can be there for her. She is my soul mate. I never knew what a soul mate was until I fell in love with her. Now I understand that nothing could ever tear me away from her, and I can't say that about anyone else that has been in my life. I could always walk away from any situation, no matter how difficult it was. You couldn't pull me away from here with a tractor. We are going to see this through as a family.


Please keep doing what you have been doing, which is praying. We need God to lift us out of this and make her well. She will get there, I have no doubt. I'm just impatient when it comes to her. I'm going to check on her, eat a couple of ego waffles, and go to bed. (I bet I just made you want an ego waffle). Sorry if you don't have any!


God Bless and Good night!

My Baby at the fair, right before she lost all of her hair. Isn't she gorgeous?

Day 202

Sunday night and the weekend is almost over. Today was a very good day. We spent a bunch of time at the pool, but Becka's back and side aren't any better. Her back is killing her, and her side where the tumor is keeps bothering her. She says her lung feels hard. We are praying that the tumor is going away for good. The pain in her side was what got her to the doctor in the first place. I sometimes go back to my first blog and remember how I felt that day. Those feelings haven't gone completely away. I don't think they ever will. We will always live in a certain amount of fear, but one day at a time, it gets better. I'm so frustrated though. I really want her to be out of pain. She's been through enough. I've never been one to question God. He has a reason for everything. I just pray he sees fit to remove her pain soon.

We are fixing to watch a show called "Falling Skies". Tonight is the season premiere. I'm not sure if we will make it through the entire thing, but we are going to try. I have to go to work early in the morning because I have a doctor's appointment. I have a couple of issues to run by him, so I'm looking forward to it.

I'll fill you in tomorrow. Good night and God Bless!

Day 201

It's Saturday night and we are winding down for the night. We are watching the third season of "24". We are kind of addicted to this show. It's been a good day. I had to work this morning for a while, then I came home and we went to the pool. Overall it was a very good day. Now we are going to call it a night. Becka is still having a lot of problems with pain. Whether it was the chemotherapy or the cancer, she took a beating. I know she will recover because she's tough as nails and she's a fighter, plus we are all behind her. We are going to see this through, until enough is enough and she's completely well.

God is good, and no matter how I feel from now on, I'm going to be grateful. My feelings and emotions have been playing with my head, but I know what to do to change that. It's what I do, that changes how I feel.

I'm so very grateful to all of you. We received a blessing this week, and to our benefactors, God Bless you and thank you so much. You will never know what it means to us, because I can't express it in words.

Good night and sweet dreams! Becka's MRI is Wednesday, and then we get the results back on Thursday. Please pray for good results!

Day 200

It's Friday night and we are watching a great movie, "Sherlock Holmes A Game of Shadows". It's fantastic so far! Robert Downey Jr is truly a story of redemption. He went from battling a severe heroin addiction in real life, to being one of Hollywood's best. He's one of my favorites! Today was a very good day. I got a lot accomplished at work, then I got home and Becka had cooked supper. We made brownies and are spending time together tonight. This is what I need I think.

 We have dealt with sickness and fear for so long now, and it has taken it's toll. I just want us to be a normal family again. I miss the affection and passion we used to have, and I want it all back now. Becka has been through so much. I just want my wife back. I want her to feel good again, and I'm fearful sometimes that when she does get well, it won't be the same as it was. When we first met, we couldn't walk past each other without reaching out. I never knew what families endured with cancer. The physical part is obvious, but the emotional turmoil can change feelings. I want intimacy again, like we had when we first met, and all the way up to her getting sick. I may be asking for too much too soon, but I'm willing to stick it out. I just pray that when this is all over, she feels the same way about me that she did when she said, "I do". I love her more every day, but sometimes it feels like we are just existing. Please God let things go back to normal.

We are going to finish watching our movie. God Bless and I'll update tomorrow. Sweet Dreams!

Day 199

Thursday night and I'm finally sitting down. I just finished the dishes and laundry, and that was after Andrew and I got home from class. We had one of my favorite Masters from another school tonight, but he's hardcore. I barely walk out of there when he's leading the class.

Becka is doing much better. Her back still has her moving slow, but she's getting there. My foot is better as well. I have an appointment with my orthopedist next month, so I'm going to let him look at it then.

This is going to be short and sweet. I need to calm my mind. I have all kinds of thoughts running through it, and some of them aren't good. I guess I need to be more grateful, and I am. Maybe I'm insane. At least then I would have an excuse for being mad these days. I know what's wrong with me. I just don't know how to address it. I'm working on it though, and all will be fine. For now, I wouldn't want to be the one who cuts me off in traffic.

 So with that I'm going to call it a night. I'm praying for guidance and serenity. This weekend should help. I'm turning my cell phone off and relaxing. The pool will see a lot of me. God Bless!

Day 198

I just woke up long enough to  write this. I think I finally crashed. I got off of work today, then had to go back for a bit, and when I got home I told Becka I was going to lay down for a few. A few turned in to hours, so here I am, and I'm fixing to go back to bed. I haven't had a good night's sleep since last November. It could be a combination of things, but mostly it's been nerves. I've never worried so much for so long. When I was young, I didn't have a worry in the world. Now that I'm older, I worry about everything, and I think the one thing I have worried about more than anything else is something ridiculous. I worry about losing control over what I think I have. I need to learn how to let go of that control that I don't have in the first place, and just accept every situation as being the way God wants it to be. Lack of power causes fear, and fear leads to other insane emotions. It's really time for this family to be happy again. I guess we've been caught up in despair for so long that we've lost some of what we had, and I don't know how to get it back. I'm willing to work for it though, whatever it takes.


Becka is doing much better. She's still hurting but at least she can get around. Her hair is coming back very slow. It takes months for the chemotherapy to get completely out of her system. She should have hair by the time we go out of town. We are thinking about going to Florida and spend Christmas with Becka's family. By then, things should be somewhat back to normal. She should be well enough to be back at work, and I'll have vacation days. We should be in a better financial state by then as well! Christmas at Disney sounds good to me!


I need guidance in a couple of areas. Personal guidance so that God can speak to me through others. I'm going to reach out to a couple of old friends, people that led me to Christ. It's not about how I feel, but rather about what I do, because what I do will change how I feel. I know this from experience.


God Bless and I'm going back to bed to rest my weary mind before it explodes. Too many thoughts will overload it. Sweet dreams and same time tomorrow!

Day 197

Tuesday night and all is well! God is good and so are our family and friends. Becka is feeling better. She's still hurting but she's able to get around and she got in the pool today. I worked all day then Andrew and I went to taekwondo. We are testing for our red belts at the end of this month. He swept my legs out from under me so many times tonight. I got really tired of hitting the ground. He's really good, but the good part is, I get to sweep his legs too!

 I'll never deserve the family I have. God has been so good to me. I'm reading some scriptures that my Mother-in-law gave me to read, to try and keep me on the right path. Things are going just as God planned, but I'm happy with them as well. Becka is recovering, and she's going to outlive me. The kids are happy. The job is going good, and I'm on my way to earning my blackbelt. What else is there?

I'm going to lay down for the night. God Bless and sweet dreams!

Day 196

It's Monday night and we are heading to bed soon. Becka isn't much better. She has a lot of trouble moving around or getting comfortable. I'm probably going to have to take her to the doctor tomorrow. I pray it's only a pulled muscle. Please keep praying for her healing. God's mercy be upon her.


I'm going to have to trust more in God, or worry myself to death. I feel like I'm not doing enough. There are so many things on my mind at once, and I think it's hitting overload. I'm praying our van keeps running for now. I'm praying for financial guidance. I'm constantly praying for healing, and I pray that someone who loves to clean and do laundry will stop by! (Just kidding). The kids are back now. I picked them up this evening when I got off of work, then I came back here and did some laundry and cleaned up. Tomorrow I'm going to HAVE to sit down and write out a budget. We have to cut back somewhere, and I can't figure it out in my mind. I have to put it on paper. It will all be fine, I just can't see it right now. We HAVE to keep Becka's life insurance paid up, because no one will ever insure her again, but we are dropping her health insurance because she's covered through my work. We've had two policies and we kept them through her chemo, but we can let one go now, and we are going to keep the Blue Cross.


I hate to whine. I just needed to get that off of my chest. We are expecting a blessing any day now and that will help incredibly. Becka's MRI is next week. After that, we can start planning for the future.


God Bless and I have a personal request. I'm going through something right now and I can't share the details, but God knows what it is and I'm praying for his strength. Please keep me in your prayers, that God will take over a little problem I'm having an fix it for me, because I can't.


Sweet Dreams!

Day 195

It's Sunday night and we are winding down for the night. Back to the grindstone tomorrow. I wish it felt like we had a weekend, but there is always so much to do. It never feels like we get a break. Today was nice though. We had breakfast this morning, and I rode to my Step Father's house to see him for Father's Day. I didn't get to see my father but I called him. He was working. Becka is still hurting in her back. There are times where she can barely move. We went to the pool for a while today hoping that it would help, but she's hurting too bad to get in. Pulled muscles can hurt for a very long time. I'm fixing to put her to bed and lay down myself. I'm hoping that she will be better tomorrow. The pain medicine takes the edge off but doesn't take  the pain away. Please pray that God will heal her. She needs to feel GOOD for a change. It's criminal that she is finally through chemotherapy, and now her back is completely out. God please take this pain away from her!


We are keeping up the good fight. It's a new fight now. We won the fight to keep Becka alive. Now we are fighting to get her well! It's time to enjoy life again! God will provide all of our needs, and we NEED her to be pain free, at least for a time!


God Bless! She has an MRI of her brain soon. I will let you know! Sweet dreams!

Day 194

It's Saturday night and I wish I could say all is well. Becka is in a lot of pain, so much that if she's not better by morning, I'm taking her to the doctor. Her back and hip are hurting to the point she's having trouble walking. Her body is beaten up so badly from the chemo. I know she's going to be okay, but it's hard right now. I gave her two Ibuprofen and a vicodin, and she's laying down for the night. I'm going to keep a watch on her just in case. The kids aren't here, so I'm sitting her watching Sherlock Holmes. (Great Movie). The dogs are letting me know how special I am by competing for my affection. We had a good day today. We got out of the house this morning because she was feeling better, then we went swimming and came back here to eat pizza and watch movies. That was when she started hurting again. Tonight I'm praying that she will have a pain free day tomorrow. I don't think that is asking too much.

I will let you know how it goes. God Bless and sweet dreams!

Day 193

It's finally Friday! I just got home from taking the kids to Raleigh. We have the house all to ourselves this weekend. Becka has been hurting all day so she's taking some pain meds. I'm feeling pretty good. My foot is still hurting a little, but it's much better. We are going to relax tonight and try to have a little fun tomorrow. I don't have to work, so maybe we can go to breakfast and a yard sale or two. We love yard sales, even if we don't buy anything, and we definitely need some time to ourselves. I'm picking the kids up Monday night.

No matter what we go through right now, everything will be okay. Life is wonderful, even in the worst storm. Becka is in remission. That is all I wanted and prayed for, and God was merciful as he always is. It means so much to me for her to heal and feel good again. It's going to take some time and a lot of work, but all we have is time, and she will get there. For the longest time, I didn't think about anything else, but now I can actually concentrate on other things. I'm not worried anymore.

Becka has little hairs all over her head! It will be a while before she has a full head of hair, but it's coming back! I'll post some pictures after it is all over her head. There isn't a lot to report today and that's good. Praise reports are always welcomed by everyone, and all we have is praise. She has worked so hard and sacrificed to get where she is. She deserves to be well!

I'm going to hang out with her. God Bless and same time tomorrow!

Day 192

It's Thursday night and here we are again! I don't know how many of you prayed for me last night, but thank you. I woke up this morning and my foot hasn't hurt me at all. It's a little sore, but otherwise the pain is gone. I went to taekwondo tonight with Andrew and we threw jumping back kicks, and it feels fine! That could change of course, but I'm determined to get my black belt. We are testing for our red belts this month. Andrew is so good. He will be able to go out for the demonstration team in January.

Becka is still hurting. I talked her in to taking some Ibuprofen today and it seemed to help a little, but I also had her pain meds refilled. She's in the shower right now, and when she gets out, we are going to bed. I need to go in to work early in the morning. This has been a long week, but I'm very grateful for it. Life is changing as we speak. Fear has been replaced with hope for the future. We don't have the kids this weekend, so I hope she's up for a date night. I'm going to take her somewhere fun if she feels good, like a tractor pull! (Just kidding). There are a couple of movies she wants to see.

She needs my help so I'm going to go for now. God Bless and thank you so much for the prayers! Same time tomorrow!

Day 191

It's Wednesday night and I'm finally sitting down. Today has been a long day. I got a lot done at work, then went by my Brother's house afterwards to help him fix his air-conditioning. When I got home, Becka had cooked supper and cleaned up, so there wasn't much to do. She's still hurting quite a bit and that concerns me, but she's been through so much. It will take her body a while to heal, but we will get there! I wish we could take off to the beach for a couple of days, but that's probably going to happen around November. I get more vacation days then, and her hair will be back, so she will be able to enjoy it. I'm going to try and scrap as much metal between now and then to pay for it. I scrap metal as a side business. I've been doing it for years. It's a great supplement, but the problem these days is that everyone seems to be doing it. There is a lot more competition, especially with the economy as bad as it is. Scrapping metal is hard work, but these days people will do just about anything to put food on the table. I think about how blessed we are to have the life we do, compared to so many who are going without. It's heart breaking.

I had some quiet time today, so I prayed through lunch, thanking God for Becka's recovery. It kind of hit me hard today. I really expected her to be in remission, but the emotional toll this has taken is enormous for all involved. It's going to take some time for everyone to heal, and there will always be a small amount of fear. Becka will have to stay close with her doctors and stay on top of this. She has almost beaten it, but the war isn't over. There are still battles to be fought. I'm just glad she has some time to regroup. I thank God so much for putting me where I am right now. I would like to think I've made a difference through all of this. I pray that I will always make a positive difference in Becka's life so that she will want me in it. I can't wait for her hair to come back! She is SO ready for it. She won't have to wear a hat anymore! That will be a blessing for her.

I hate to complain but I have to go to the doctor tomorrow. I can barely walk now, and I'm afraid that my journey towards being a black belt in taekwondo will come to a halt. I've broken my right toe and foot several times, and now it's hurting pretty severly. I can feel something hard in the ball of my foot, and that is where the pain is coming from. It may have grown back wrong, or I have a cyst. Either way it warrants an xray. I hate getting old! I'm paying for the years of rodeoing and not taking care of myself. I'm also afraid that if something is really wrong with my foot, they will put me out of work or operate on it. That would never do. I'm praying that it's just sprained or bruised. I may just go get a shot of cortisone in it for now.

Becka is doing okay except for the pain and weakness, but she's in remission. All Glory to God for that! Who would have thought that my sweet, wonderful wife would beat stage 4 cancer? I did all along, because I know how strong she is. She really is remarkable!

God Bless and good night. See you tomorrow!

Day 190

It's Tuesday night and it's been a very good day. Becka's test results came back and the doctor said she is in remission. Is there any doubt that God has a plan for her and he's not done with her yet? The doctor was reduced to tears today when he told her. Her tumors have shrunk down and as far as they are concerned, she's done with chemo for now. We are definitely going somewhere special as soon as we can to celebrate! They are going to scan her brain in two weeks, then she has another PET scan in six weeks, but after that, it's all uphill! She has a long way to go. She still has tumors, and it could take up to a year to fully recover from the chemo treatments. They were pretty radical, but they saved her life and we are forever grateful.

I will write more tomorrow, but right now we are having horrible thunderstorms. Your prayers worked, so please keep sending them. All of you have changed our lives, and become a part of them at the same time. God Bless and we love you!

Day 189

Just got home from dinner and a movie with the entire family including Becka's brother and sis-in-law and their kids! We ate at Taco Bell and saw "Snow White and the Huntsman". It was a fantastic time. They are leaving in the morning, and I'm taking Becka to find out about her scan. I will post as soon as we have news. God Bless and talk to you tomorrow! Please pray for nothing less than REMISSION!!

Day 188

Hanging out with Becka's brother and family tonight! We just finished a great supper at the steak house which they provided, and now we are going to meet them so the kids can swim for a bit. God Bless and I'll write some more tomorrow!

Day 187

It's Saturday night and this day has flown by! We experienced a lot of generosity today. A friend of mine was cleaning out a house he was going to rent, and he gave us a couch for our next door neighbor. He also gave us a china cabinet and a cheese cart! I have some repairs to do on both, but they are nice. We took a bunch of things to Goodwill for him as well. Then a friend of ours gave us five pounds of crab legs from the coast, and they were the best I've ever put in my mouth. Becka, Andrew, and I had a crab leg party in the living room! We at every last one of them. To the person who gave them to us, (who wishes to be anonymous), thank you so much! We thoroughly enjoyed them! Autumn doesn't eat crab legs, (but that's a good thing)!

Today has been a little rough for Beck. Her side is hurting her as well as her back. She took a pain pill earlier, and she will take another one before she lays down, which won't be long at all. I'm glad she enjoyed the crab legs today. Andrew went nuts on them after he learned how to get the meat out of them! I'm watching my Angel through the back door, and she has nodded out completely, so I'm going to get her in to bed. She will recover, but it's going to take some time. The chemo has really beaten her down, but she's a fighter, and she is going to be in remission. I have no doubt!

I'm going to put her to bed. God Bless and I will update tomorrow on how she is feeling. God Bless and see you tomorrow!

Day 186

Friday night and we just got home. After work, we all went to the "Ribfest" in downtown Winston Salem. We had barbecue ribs and they were the best I've ever had in my life. The sauce was heavenly! The kids and Becka thoroughly enjoyed themselves. We left before the Rap concert started! I love going places as a family. I look so forward to going to the beach with Becka. I pray that by the end of the year it will be possible, and she will have plenty of hair!

She had her PET scan this morning. I sat in the waiting room playing games on the computer and my IPOD. It went smoothly, but we won't get the results back until next week. Please God...I don't have to say it. You know what we want!

Becka's brother and family are coming to see us Sunday! I can't wait to see them. We have a lot to do before they get here, but that's what slaves, (I mean Kids), are for! I love it when her family comes to visit. They are all such wonderful, Spirit filled people. It will be good to see them again.

I'm past tired, so I'm going to cuddle with my Angel. Good night and sweet dreams! Thank you for the prayers!

Day 185

Thursday night and all is okay, I think. I'm feeling millions times better. I stopped taking that evil antibiotic today. I think it helped me but I know it made me sick. Chalk that one up to the meds I can't take. I worked all day and Andrew and I went to taekwondo. We had a great class. I had a physical this morning. I'm trying to get more life insurance. It's times like these that I wish I didn't smoke, but at least they will cover me. I want to leave the kids as much as I can when I leave this world.

Becka isn't feeling very good. She took a half of a pain pill earlier. She has her PET scan in the morning. I'm getting her there at 7:30. I am so glad it's in the morning because she has to fast. I can't imagine not drinking coffee in the morning.

I'm kind of upset this evening for a couple of reasons, and I'm going to try and sleep it off in a few. I've been thinking about her PET scan all day of course, but something else happened to me today that hurt all the way to my soul, and it's still bothering me deeply. I'm going to let God have it.

Tomorrow morning is the big day. We won't find out any results until next week, so we will be on pins and needles until then. God Bless and please keep praying. Your prayers mean so much to us!

Good night!

Day 184

It's Wednesday night and Becka has already gone to bed. She was hurting and didn't feel good at all. I think part of it is her body healing, and the other is worry. After we find out how her PET scan comes out, things will be much different I pray. I laid down when I got home this evening for a bit. I'm still recovering as well. I'm fixing to go back and lay down with her. She took our van and got an estimate today for repairs. We have to go and meet with the insurance company Friday or Saturday to see about getting it fixed. It will be fine I believe. Actually I know it will be. God will keep guiding us and providing. He has so far. Why would I think he would stop?

Becka took Andrew to the doctor today. He was bitten by a tick about a month ago, and the bite hasn't healed. It got better, and then it inflamed again, so we wanted to make sure it wasn't infected. They think it's just an allergic reaction, and he will be fine. I bought some Bacetracin to put on it. He is so active and sweats so much that it's probably irritated. The kid never stops, and that's good! I promised him that he and I would start back hard and heavy tomorrow in taekwondo. I'm also going to start him weight training. I know for a fact that if he starts light weight training now, it will build his physic for the rest of his life. His body development is kicking in right now, and I'm going to help him guide it in the right way.

God Bless and please keep praying. Please pray for her peace of mind, and for the fear to go away. She's very fragile right now. Her body chemistry is still going haywire and that's not helping, but ultimately all she wants is to live a normal life. Please God give that to her.

Same time tomorrow!

Day 183

It's Tuesday night and I think I'm just about well, praise the Lord. Becka on the other hand is hurting tonight. She's having pains in her hips and it's hard for her to get comfortable. She will probably have to take a pain pill tonight. I had my meeting with my boss today and it went very well. He told me he wanted me to take Becka for her PET scan Friday, even though I don't have anymore personal days. He really is a fantastic guy, not to mention the best boss in the world. I also got to work with my friend Dean. I will always owe Dean until I die and then some. He is one of the friends that has been with me from the beginning, and he stuck by me. He also led me to Christ, which changed my life and my whole way of thinking.

I just put Becka to bed and tucked her in. She's hurting pretty bad in her hip. I pray that it doesn't have anything to do with "you know what". Every time she has a pain or anything else, it's the first place my mind goes. It will probably be like that for the rest of my life. I'm just holding on until Friday, then it will be okay.

I'm going to be with her. God Bless and I'll let you know tomorrow how she is.

Day 182

It's Monday night and much better. I'm feeling better anyway. I went back to the doctor today and they think I was bitten by a black widow spider. I've been on antibiotics for a week, so I think I'm through the worst of it. Becka is feeling good but she's having trouble with her feet. She thinks that her circulation may be poor. She's going to bring it up Friday with the doctor. We had a good supper. We fixed a macaroni hamburger dish. The kids ate good, and then Andrew and I made some banana pudding.

The weekend went well, until we wrecked our van. The front fender is destroyed and needs to be replaced, and the front headlight is completely out and won't go back in until we swap the fender. I'm going to check with a local company that has great prices on parts, and try to fix it myself. It could have been a lot worse and we are very grateful that no one was hurt and the van still runs. God is good all of the time, even when we feel like nothing is going right. There is a reason for everything. I can't say the exact circumstances behind the wreck. There were no other cars involved and no one was hurt, so we are going to just try and forget about it.

Tomorrow is going to be an easier day. We have a meeting all day at work, so it will mostly be sitting and talking. They always buy us lunch as well. I'm going to bed in a few so that I'll be rested up.

God Bless and I'll see you tomorrow, good Lord willing! I was wrong about Becka's PET scan. Her scan is on Friday. My insides will be twisted up and I won't be right until we get the results back from this scan. After the doctor says the word "Remission", I'll be able to relax and think about something else. Until then, I have tunnel vision. She's worked so hard and been through so much. She deserves to be well in my book! Man, I love my wife so much.

Night!

Day 181

It hasn't been the best of days. I'm still sick and my head is exploding. God Bless and I'll write some tomorrow and tell you why I'm glad this day is over.

Day 180

Saturday night and my beautiful wife has gone to bed early. She wasn't feeling well. She was cold and achy, so I'm making brownies with the kids and drinking coffee. They probably won't go to bed tonight because of it. I'll have to slip some benedryl in their brownies! I wish I could say I'm feeling better, but today has been hard. I'm not going to complain though because it seems like that's all I do. I just pray that I get to feeling better soon! I went to work today and worked for a couple of hours, but then came home and rested, then we all went to get something to eat at TJ's Deli here in Winston. They have FABULOUS food. I had a steak and cheese hoagie. Autumn had an Italian hoagie. Becka had half of a huge club sandwich, and Andrew had a terriyaki chicken salad. Man this coffee is good tonight.

I caught myself slipping today. I had to get back to an attitude of gratitude. Becka and I were short with each other and didn't make up immediately. When that happens, it hurts me to the bone and I carry it with me, so I sent her a text and told her how much I love her. The enemy is constantly attacking us. We just need to be aware of that and put on the armor of God all of the time. Things are great now, even though she's not feeling well. She was frustrated today because her hair isn't growing back as fast as she would like. I assured her that she has little hairs growing all over her head, and it won't be long before she has a full head of hair. I know that she's tired of being bald and wearing a hat all of the time. I suggested a wig for now, but I probably should have just listened. Any Woman who is married knows that men are natural born problem solvers, (in our heads anyway). I have to try and remember that when my wife is sharing something with me that is bothering her, it doesn't mean she wants me to try and fix it. Sometimes I just need to listen.

I'm sitting on my back porch by myself, except for the dogs of course. They would follow me to Yugoslavia on foot. The moon is magnificent tonight. When I get a little money I would like to invest in a nice telescope. I think Becka and the kids would enjoy that, especially if we went up to the mountains and stargazed off of a peak. We have a great spot for that. Pilot Mountain is about thirty miles away and it has a view that is one of the most beautiful in the world. It is near My Airy North Carolina, AKA Mayberry, where the Andy Griffith show was depicted. I've taken Becka and the kids up there several times. It's one of those places that shows me exactly how beautiful all of God's creations are, but of course, all I have to do is look across the room and see that. My wife is so incredibly beautiful, hair or no hair. I was staring at her today, and she caught me and asked me what I was looking at. I told her, something beautiful. I pray that she knows in her heart how much she means to me, and how she is my life. Through the good and the bad, there is no place in the world I would rather be. I love the life that God has given me, even if I sometimes don't act like it.

Brownies are ready! God Bless and have a great night! Same time tomorrow! PS, Becka has her PET scan on Tuesday. Please pray for remission!

Day 179

It's Friday night and I'm feeling much better. My stomach is under control and the sore on the back of my head is healing. Praise the Lord for inventing antibiotics! I worked all day, then I came home and took Autumn to get her nose pierced. It was her reward for doing so well in school this year! She got a 95 on her EOC's and received several awards at her graduation today. I am truly blessed by a merciful God, to have a beautiful wife, a wonderful son, and two great step kids. I held Autumn's hand today while they pierced her nose with a big needle, then pushed the jewelry through. She was very brave. Becka didn't go because she didn't want to see it. I can understand. Autumn's nose was sore, so she took some tylenol and laid down a few minutes ago.

Becka is doing very well! She went to Autumn's graduation today. I wish I could have gone, but I had to work. I have to work all day tomorrow as well to make up for the days I missed being sick. Becka is actually getting hungry these days, but then she gets nauseous when she gets hungry. Go figure! Her body is still adjusting to not being poisoned. She still has a way to go, but she will get there. WE will get there, together.

I met a videographer this morning to make a short video. He was with the "Lion's Pride" organization. They are the group at my work who helped us out when we needed it. They are an incredible blessing! The man I met was very nice and he led me through it. I was very emotional at times because I had to relive it from the start, and it brought back everything I've felt over the past six months. I think that I needed it to remind me, so that I can truly appreciate how I feel today. It's all about gratitude, and I am incredibly grateful to God for healing Becka. I try my best to live my life one day at a time, because I've learned that things can change before our very eyes. Every second counts with Beck!

It's off to bed in a bit. Good night and God Bless! See you tomorrow!