I just woke up long enough to write this. I think I finally crashed. I got off of work today, then had to go back for a bit, and when I got home I told Becka I was going to lay down for a few. A few turned in to hours, so here I am, and I'm fixing to go back to bed. I haven't had a good night's sleep since last November. It could be a combination of things, but mostly it's been nerves. I've never worried so much for so long. When I was young, I didn't have a worry in the world. Now that I'm older, I worry about everything, and I think the one thing I have worried about more than anything else is something ridiculous. I worry about losing control over what I think I have. I need to learn how to let go of that control that I don't have in the first place, and just accept every situation as being the way God wants it to be. Lack of power causes fear, and fear leads to other insane emotions. It's really time for this family to be happy again. I guess we've been caught up in despair for so long that we've lost some of what we had, and I don't know how to get it back. I'm willing to work for it though, whatever it takes.
Becka is doing much better. She's still hurting but at least she can get around. Her hair is coming back very slow. It takes months for the chemotherapy to get completely out of her system. She should have hair by the time we go out of town. We are thinking about going to Florida and spend Christmas with Becka's family. By then, things should be somewhat back to normal. She should be well enough to be back at work, and I'll have vacation days. We should be in a better financial state by then as well! Christmas at Disney sounds good to me!
I need guidance in a couple of areas. Personal guidance so that God can speak to me through others. I'm going to reach out to a couple of old friends, people that led me to Christ. It's not about how I feel, but rather about what I do, because what I do will change how I feel. I know this from experience.
God Bless and I'm going back to bed to rest my weary mind before it explodes. Too many thoughts will overload it. Sweet dreams and same time tomorrow!
