Day Twenty Seven

Saturday and all is well! The kids are still gone so we woke up and went out to breakfast at McDonalds, then went to a fabric store and Walmart to have the oil changed in our van. We got back to the house and took down Christmas, and I cut down the tree in the front yard. Becka helped me because it was so beautiful outside. Our neighbor from across the street saw Becka standing in the road holding a rope that I had tied to the tree, and he came to the rescue. Many thanks to Joel who helped me get it all up out of the yard and street and then go dump it. Becka has wanted that tree down for a while, so I was glad to get it done! I'm so glad she felt good today. The weather was perfect! We came in and took a nap....(naps are sooooo good), then we went and got ice cream and rented a movie. The day was awesome, and I'm thanking God from the bottom of my heart! It doesn't look like we are going to get a winter this year. (Al Gore must have been right).

I'm picking up my sister in law from the Airport tomorrow! That will be SUCH a blessing. She will be here for two weeks! After that, her other sister will be coming to stay. Her entire family rocks! Trust me guys, one of the keys to a successful marriage is to love your in-laws, and I do for sure! Her mother is the Matriarch of the family, and she raised some great kids, and they have raised some great kids. Becka's father is a true man of God who has devoted his life to spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ to those who haven't heard it. He will be receiving rewards in Heaven for sure.

Good night all and God Bless! Happy New Year!! I'm so glad to report great news these days. I know that will change, but I'm loving it for now! Love you!

More to come.....

Day Twenty Six

It's finally FRIDAY! The kids aren't here tonight so we went on a date! Becka's favorite restaurant in the world is Genghis Grill. We had a great dinner then came back to the house to watch a movie. We rented the first Sherlock Holmes. I'm watching it now while my gorgeous wife is sleeping beside of me. Everything wears her out these days. I'll tell her how it goes, or we can watch it again in the morning. The meal made her happy! I love it when we can go out and I can show her off. I pray for the day that we can go somewhere special like the beach! I want her to feel the sand between her toes and smell the ocean, and watch the sun go down then come up over the sea. Becka made me a romantic!

She's awake so back to the movie. She's feeling good these days, and our faith is strong that the radiation worked and the Chemotherapy will work as well. God has a divine plan for her, I truly believe. I know that one part of his plan for her was to save me, because she has. I love her so much I can taste it, smell it, feel it in my soul. It is more real than anything else ever has been, and I would be nothing without her. She makes me a better man, a better husband, a better father, and a better servant to God. I have no complaints.

God Bless and Happy New Year! Kiss the one you love, and tell them how you feel!
More to come.......

Day Twenty Five

Thursday night and I am sick, so this will be a little short tonight. Becka and I are alone, except for the dogs. The kids are at their Dad's house until Sunday. Tomorrow we are eating steak and lobster, going to the movies, then going to ride go-carts! (Just kidding). I wrote that to see if the kids are reading this. They don't think we are supposed to eat when they aren't here.

I've had a sick headache all day, and my stomach is churning, so I'm fixing to go to bed. Becka is doing well, although her head is still pealing. She's wearing a beautiful scarf that her family gave her yesterday! I think we crashed last night. We both slept about ten hours. I pray I'm not getting sick. She sure doesn't need that since her immune system is weakened.

I made Digiorno pizzas for supper. It's hard to think right now so I'll write some more later. God Bless you all and thanks so much for your support and prayers!

More to come....

Day Twenty Four

Wednesday and another blessed day has gone by! Becka has had a couple of great days. Gina made her so happy by being here, but it was emotional when she left. Becka bought some chloroform, but we didn't get our chance, and Gina got away.

Becka's Aunt, Uncle, Cousin, and kids came by today and took us all out to lunch! They are wonderful, Godly people who brought her gifts from Poland and India! It made her happy to see them and spend time together. They had fun as well playing with the dogs! Becka's cousin has beautiful, very respectful kids. We went to Ruby Tuesday's and had a great meal. I hated seeing them leave as well. They had a calming presence and that's what Becka needs.

Her head is pealing from the radiation. It's like she was sunburned. I put lotion on it tonight, and it looks like she's growing hair back, but that might be wishful thinking. They told her all of this is normal. There is nothing normal about what she is going through. As I write this, she's asleep on the couch beside of me. She starts Chemo on the tenth of January. I pray that she has little to no side effects.

I took off work today to be with her. I can't take tomorrow, so it's bed time. God Bless all! I'm going to get my Baby up and in bed so she will be more comfortable. Good Night!

Day Twenty Three

Rainy day today. Took all of my energy, as if I had any. I got a lot accomplished today at work thanks to Gina. She took Becka to the doctor. Did I mention how glad I am she's here? The doctor wants Becka to heal for a while from the radiation before she starts Chemotherapy, so she will get her first treatment on the tenth of January. I'll be taking off that day to be with her. I pray it doesn't make her sick, but even so I'm grateful for it. It's going to save her life, put her in remission, and make her well again. I'm looking across the room at her right now, sleeping on the couch. She's so worn out. Just six months ago she was testing for her yellow belt in Taekwondo and winning a trophy for board breaking. I dream of the day that she's full of energy again so we can go somewhere special together. I know that is coming soon!

I brought home some pork barbecue for supper. Everyone chowed down and Gina cleaned up the kitchen! I could kiss her, but she's got a big, scary boyfriend. Oops, that's right, I have kissed him! (Long story).

I'm going to call it a night early again. I have two doctor appointments tomorrow. My doctors have worked with me since I had to be with Beck at hers. I'm going to see my Orthopedic doctor in the morning, and my Neurologist after that. He gives me acupuncture for pain. I get Sciatica so bad sometimes that I can't walk, so along with the acupuncture, my ortho gives me steroidal epidurals. I can't take any narcotics and the insurance company won't pay for surgery yet. I have to be on pain therapy for a year before they will fix it permanently. Sounds like a scam to me , but I can't have surgery right now anyway. I need to be able to take care of my Angel, and I LOVE that job by the way. I'm so grateful to God for putting us together when he did. It fills my heart to know that she trusts me to take care of her needs and wants, and I love everything we do! She's taken care of me since we met. It's my turn!

My life is on a certain course, determined by God, set by the Holy Spirit, and accepted and carried out by me. If I could have any other life, I would chose this one. My heart and soul are with her, so my body is going to stay as well. I don't know what God has in store for the future. I know he hears our prayers, and I truly believe they make a difference with him. He loves us, and he knows what's best for us. He knows our hearts, and we know him by only one word - Love. My favorite song, possibly of all time, is by Casting Crowns. It's called "Praise you in this Storm". If you get a chance, listen to it on youtube. The words have so much meaning to me now, and they help me to have faith. I will praise him in this storm, and every other that comes in this life.

Good night and God Bless! I pray he blesses you with the love he has me. Love that I don't deserve, but gladly accept. More to come...........

Day Twenty Two

The day after Christmas and all is well! Becka is doing great today! She hasn't been hurting except for some swelling. I worked all day and brought supper home...(KFC). She's SO happy tonight! I can see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice, and it's all because Gina is here! Becka couldn't WAIT for her to get here. It's so wonderful to see them together! I pray that she gets to Texas safely, but I hope she stays here for a couple of ......years!. God sends angels in so many different ways, and Gina is definitely one of them! Anything that makes my wife happy right now I'm grateful for!

I'm going to make cookies in a few. I'm supposed to be on a diet, but who cares? So what, my wife likes round guys! As long as I can see my feet without using a mirror, then it's all good! (I am going to go on a diet after the first, and I'm going to stick to it). I'm not vain, but I want to look the best I can for Beck, and I feel better physically when I'm 175lbs. (Right now I'm 215). Forty pounds is no problem. I can lose that in two months just by drinking water and watching my fat intake.

Bed is coming early tonight for me. Becka and Gina will probably sit up and talk, but I'm exhausted. I'm SO glad she's here! Thank you Lord so much for protecting her, and continue to do so until she reaches her destination. I pray the blood of Christ on Gina. It's no wonder why Becka loves her so much!

Good night and God Bless all! I pray for days as good as this one was! Becka goes to the doc in the morning, possibly for her first Chemo treatment. I hope not, and I hope so at the same time. I wish she didn't have to go through it, but if it will save her life I'm grateful for it. I'll post tomorrow about everything.

Night.........Peace...........More to come.......

Day Twenty One- Christmas!

Today has been a fantastic day! We woke this morning early and welcomed Santa Claus, then I cooked a breakfast of bacon, sausage, and pancakes. We exchanged gifts and relaxed. That's when the devil tried his best to steal our joy. Becka and I butted heads, and it could have escalated and ruined our entire day as well as the kids, but the enemy doesn't know how deep our love is for each other and for God. We came together in an embrace, apologized, and decided that we wanted to give this day to God. We both have been stressed beyond comparison, so it's understandable. One thing I've learned is that couples who love each other will always argue. The trick is to keep loving each other during the argument. We went on to my mother's house with a green bean casserole and a pink lemonade cake, both made by Becka. It was fantastic! Everyone wanted to hug and kiss Beck. My mother and stepfather bought her a sewing machine! We came back to the house and lay down for a bit. She's still asleep, probably for the night.

I'll probably wake her up to take a pain pill so that she won't start hurting during the night. Then she would have to wait for it to take effect. Better to be proactive.

I think this was my best Christmas ever. I'm so grateful that she felt good today! God gave her strength and carried both of us through the day. All we had to do was let him! It's funny. I always knew how beautiful she is, but every time I look at her she becomes more so. I didn't think it was possible, but I love her more every day. The enemy and cancer is NOT going to take her away from us! We still have so many things to do first!

She has an appointment with the doctor on Tuesday. I'm not sure when they are starting her Chemo, but it won't be long. Even though I know it might make her sick, I'm grateful for it because I know it will save her life!

Sweet Dreams and God Bless! Thank you for all of the cards and well wishes. More to come......

Day Twenty

Christmas Eve! Today has been a good day. I'm grateful for the good days, because she has had some bad ones and I know that more are coming. Her forehead looks like someone took a torch to it, so she went back up on her steroids, and she's still in some pain. I changed the dressing on her wound tonight and it was painful for her, but it had to be done. She says it feels like a broken collar bone. While I was changing her bandage, I prayed with her that God would take her pain away, and he did! She's feeling good now. I cooked barbeque chicken on the grill tonight and Fern just showed up with some "No Bake" cookies to DIE FOR! I just ate one, but I can see myself eating the rest of them.

I'm so glad tomorrow is Christmas! I'm absolutely exhausted. I've been up since 3:00 am. Becka was hurting and we never went back to sleep, so I think I might go take a nap at 8:00 at night. It's going to be a long night anyway. Santa Claus is coming, so I want to be fresh for him. (I'm going to kidnap a reindeer).

Becka is going to lay down as well. Good night all and God Bless! Merry Christmas!

Day Nineteen

Friday finally. Praying for a better night than last night. Becka was in a lot of pain from her surgery. They told her to take tylenol, lol. Thank the Lord that they also gave her something with a little "kick". Last night I tried to prop her up in bed with some pillows, and we finally found a comfortable position, so she went to sleep. She's been hurting all day and tonight. She says it feels like a broken collar bone. I know it will stop. How soon no one can say. She has a hole in her chest with a foreign object there. I'll be so glad when she feels good again. I know that when someone is sick for a long time, they get depressed. She's still in good spirits though, mostly because of all of you and your well wishes and actions. Thank you so much!

I worked all day, came home and cooked supper, then ran Autumn to the Verizon store so she could transfer her phone. Becka gave her the droid. She's pretty happy. I recruited her to wrap presents. Afterwards I went to Lowes and Walmart to do some last minute Christmas Shopping. I got Becka a ________.......(I know she reads this). Love you Honey! We decided to buy something for both of us this year to save money, so I picked up a nice floor lamp for our bedroom. It has three shelves and it's bronze. She likes it! I text her several pictures from Lowes so she could pick the one she wanted. She feels too bad to go out right now. I pray she's better for Christmas. If not, people will just have to come here! (Maybe they will stay and help clean), lol.

God Bless all and Merry Christmas! This experience has changed me forever. I know the true meaning of love like never before. Words like "devotion" and "responsibility" have taken on new meanings as well. God is changing my heart. He picked this time in my life for me to be sober, clean, and right headed, then he put me where I am. Where I belong, no doubt. I love my wife, like no other man could. She will get better!

Day Eighteen

It feels like Friday. I wish it was. First I have to say thank you to Becka's Brother and family. People are blessing us and we won't forget it. It touches my heart every time anyone reaches out to Becka, because I know that there is a lot of fear involved. I've been in that situation where I knew someone was hurting, and I didn't know what to do, so I did nothing. I am in awe of people's courage. Thank you David and Sue!

Today has been painful for Beck. The port-a-cath is hurting her. I'm grateful for the pain meds, but they make her loopy and she takes as few as possible. I'm trying to get her to take them proactively, but it's up to her. I just shaved the rest of her head down to the skin. I brought the razor and water in the living room and shaved it on the couch. Her head has been itching, and now we can put lotion on it. She said it feels much better now! I can't say enough how proud I am of her. There is no defeat in her. She is going to beat this cancer to a pulp! It will be sorry it ever messed with her.

Hey Satan. I know you love it when God's children suffer, but you lose this time, so up yours!

Becka has to sleep sitting up for now. Please pray that her chest will stop hurting where they put the cath in. I'm going back to work tomorrow. All will be well! I went to the Mall tonight to do some last minute Christmas shopping. (I think I know what Hell is like now). I'm looking forward to Christmas. The whole family will be together, and Becka will get a thousand hugs! They all love her so much. Don't forget, they told me if she ever leaves me, I'm out of the family and she's in! (They weren't kidding).

God Bless everyone! Thanks Mom and Steve and Jim and Pat and David and Sue and Gina and John and Colleen and Todd, and.....I literally could go on and on. If you are reading this, God Bless you and Thank you!

Merry Christmas!

Day Seventeen

Becka is officially DONE with radiation!! Today she had her surgery to put her porta-cath in, and they did her radiation while we were there. They gave her a certificate of completion! Everyone who works for her radiologist is wonderful. It takes special people to do their jobs. We go back in a couple of months to get an MRI of her head and see if all of the cancer was killed. I pray with all of my heart it was! I never want her to have to go through this again. They will be starting her Chemo after Christmas. She's feeling good tonight but sore. I predict an early bed time! I'm so glad I'm off tomorrow! I'm taking her to breakfast and then to pick up a few last minute things for Christmas.

It's official. Andrew and I are high (blue) belts in Taekwondo. We both tested today. We have one more class before we get a week off. Tiger Kim's is closing until after the 1st. (They deserve it). It's not really fun anymore. I only go so that Andrew and I can finish what we started, but I SO wish Becka was there every night. I miss seeing her dress up in her dobok. I can't WAIT until she comes back, as well as everyone else there! She came to watch me test tonight and took some pictures, and she got hugged by about fifty people. They all love her and are concerned, but they have seen her fight so they know she is going to win!

Going to call it a night early. God Bless all! Thanks so much for everything!

Day Sixteen Continued

Day sixteen is coming to an end. I shaved the rest of my baby's head tonight. Now we can put lotion on it and ease her itching and burning. This whole thing is tearing my heart in pieces. PLEASE God heal her quickly. No one deserves this, and I know a lot of people go through it, but she's so sweet and loving and precious to everyone. My soul belongs to the Lord and my heart belongs to her. I still can't believe it, but I'm facing it as best I can. I can't completely tell myself that there is something wrong with her. I wish I could stay home every day.

 She's gone to bed and that's where I'm headed. I have to reach out and touch her every time she walks by. She's my soulmate, and if I could have just one wish, it would be that I could trade places with her.

Sorry if I'm repetitive all, but I'm hurting and I don't know how to make it stop. It's like someone has a grip on my heart and they are twisting it. I'll be better when she is better. Her getting well is the most important thing to me right now.

God Bless and Merry Christmas

Day Sixteen

Tuesday is coming to an end. Christmas is almost here! My mother came and took Becka to her treatment today so I could work. Beck's hair is almost all the way out. She makes Sinead Oconner look hideous! I love the hats she has to keep her head warm, and you can't even tell her hair is gone. I'm glad she has the head for it, because I sure don't. I have a big warped head and I look like a pencil eraser! She has a gorgeous head and she's so beautiful! The fact that her hair is gone actually accents how lovely her face is!

We just ordered pizza for supper. She and I got a spinach parmesan and the kids are eating pepperoni. It's been a very long day. I worked eleven hours today. I'm not going to taekwondo tonight because I have testing tomorrow and my leg is hurting. I get sciatica and I have an appointment tomorrow with my orthopedist. I usually get epidural steroid injections every couple of months, and that takes my pain away. Becka has her surgery tomorrow to have her portocath put in. They have to put her out to do it, so I'll have to do some running in the morning! I'm glad I'm off tomorrow and Thursday.

Life is good tonight! God Bless you all and Merry Christmas!

More to come.....

Day Fifteen

Good day so far but exhausting. I worked all day and then some. I'm so blessed to have a job and to work for such an understanding boss. He really is awesome! Everyone commented on my hair today. I just smiled and went about my business. My friends at work know why I shaved it. Everyone else can think I want to look like an eraser!

Beck is doing well tonight, but her head is still sore and hurting and now it's itching. I'm so glad her radiation to her brain is done. Now she just needs to get through two more days of it and she can relax! Thanks so much to Fern for taking her today! We are truly blessed to have great friends! Andrew and I are fixing to walk out the door to Taekwondo. We test Wednesday for our blue belts! I'm off Wednesday and Thursday to take Becka to her appointments, so we can spend some time together. I miss her so much during the day. It's hard to work when all I think about is her. My sweet Angel wife is going through so much. It's amazing how strong she is!

I'll write more later....God Bless!

Day Fourteen coming to an end

Well the deed is done! I shaved Beck's head then mine. Actually I let the kids shave it. They had fun! She looks so beautiful! She says that it feels so much better now since all of that hair is gone. It had started clumping up and falling out, and it was hurting her scalp which is red and blistered, so she can get some relief. I'm so proud of her. I can't say enough now incredible she is, and how much I adore her!

Going to bed now. Tomorrow is a new day, but it hasn't gotten here yet, so it doesn't concern me, but I'm looking forward to it! God Bless and Gooooodnight!

Day Fourteen

Last night was emotional. We don't sleep normally anymore. We get up at all hours of the night and talk. Last night Becka was upset, which is understandable. We can't see God's plan for this even though we know he has one, and she asked me what she had done to deserve this. I said a quick prayer for the words to say, then I told her we need to try and concentrate on what God has done for us, because he didn't give her cancer. I told her that God gave her pain in her side, (which the doctors say had nothing to do with the cancer), and that pain got her to the doctor. If she hadn't gone when she did, it would have been too late by the time the doctors got involved. Instead of coming home and telling the kids that she wasn't going to be here much longer, she was able to tell them that she is going to be okay. She IS going to see them graduate from High School, get married, have children, live their lives, and in the mean time, she will have first hand knowledge of recovering from cancer, and she will be able to reach out to others who are afraid like she is now. People who are sick and don't have hope will look forward to seeing her every week, because the fact is that some people don't have any support from family and friends, and they have to face this alone.

I've been working all day, and now I'm going to relax. My mother cooked us supper tonight! Home made macaroni and cheese, chicken and biscuits, and fresh fruit sounds really really good! I'm taking off Wednesday and Thursday of next week. Becka has her last radiation on Wednesday and then her pre-op, then Thursday they are inserting her Port-a-cath for the Chemotherapy. I'm going to be there for her. I'm so glad she isn't starting chemo until after Christmas.

Please keep her in prayer tonight more than ever. I'm going to help her shave her head tonight. Her hair has been coming out in clumps, and it's time. I guess we can compare bald heads tonight. I'm not shaving hers to the scalp. She wants me to use clippers and cut it short. This is going to be hard, but we can do it if we know God is with us. Please pray the Holy Spirit gives her strength and takes away the fear and sadness.

God Bless and love you all! More to come......

Day Thirteen

Day thirteen and we are still chugging along. The radiation has caught up with Becka. She has no energy, her head is sore and hurts, and she's light headed. She also has severe heartburn. I pray the Lord takes this off of her very soon. I've been running all day trying to make some extra money. This is the first time I've sat down. I took Andrew to a party at Taekwondo, and I'm picking him up at 9:30. Autumn and I are headed to CVS to get her some shampoo and stuff, then after all of that I get to rest, lol.

 I love being a stepfather and a husband. My heart is definitely in the right place today. I hope I can keep it there, because I know the next couple of days may be rough. The doctor told Becka that when her head got sore was when she was fixing to lose her hair. I know she's prepared for it, but I also know it's going to hurt her. She's not vain in the least, but still, you can imagine. I can't convey in words how beautiful she is to me, with or without hair, but I'll keep trying. Her face is her best feature anyway. I pray the Holy Spirit stays with her through everything, and I know he will!

 I would say that I'll be glad when life returns to normal, but life as we knew it has changed forever. We don't yet know what "normal" will be like. I don't really care as long as we are all together. I'm prepared to walk through whatever God wants us to, and we will do it as a family.

 God Bless all. Please continue to pray, and I'll keep praying for all of you! More to come.....

Day Twelve coming to an end

Almost time for bed. Becka is hurting tonight. Her head is very sore from the radiation. I wish there was a magic pill that would heal her. We are watching a little tube then hitting the hay. I don't think that she will be up for the massage thing Sunday, but she can make that decision then. We bought a bunch of anti cancer food! Beck had already cut sugar out of her diet, and we bought beets and carrots. She also started taking tumeric, curry powder, and muscadine seed pills which are very powerful antioxidants. She IS going to beat this. I pray the blood of Jesus on her tonight. We can do things to make her more comfortable, but only HE can heal her. There is only one power, and that's the power of God. There is only one wisdom, and that's the wisdom of God, and there is only one healer, and his name is Christ. All will be well! Love is forever, I know that now. The love God has for us, and the love I have for my wife, both are eternal and unconditional. I've never loved anyone at anytime as much as I love her right now. I'm praying every day for the rest of my life on my knees at least twice a day, just to thank him for the life I have. God is truly good!

Good night all....more to come.

Day Twelve

It's FRIDAY!! That meant today was the last day of Becka's radiation! I took off work to be with her. She came walking out with the mask that they made to hold her head in place for the treatments. We are grateful for what it did, but we are going to have a "mask destroying" party because of what it represents. I have an axe, a sledge hammer, and some lighter fluid ready. We are going to record it for facebook! I pray that she never EVER has to wear one again. Next week she finishes with radiation for good.

We went out to breakfast again after therapy, then to walmart for a bit. I'm cooking pork chops in the crockpot, and we are going to relax tonight! Becka's head is sore now, so it's only a matter of time before we lose our hair. I'm looking forward to shaving my head. Maybe I'll look like Stone Cold Steve Austin....(the later years after he stopped working out).

A friend who teaches Reiki is coming Sunday to perform it for Becka free. He teaches it and is coming all the way from Asheboro! Reiki is a Japanese form of relaxation and healing therapy. He said that he will teach me how to do it. I pray that it helps! It sure can't hurt!

Going to take Andrew to Taekwondo. I'll write more later....

Day Eleven

Day Eleven has come to an end almost, and it's been a wonderful day! I took off work all day and took Beck to her radiation this morning, then we had a great meeting with her doctor. He's awesome and incredible, and I am going to do something very nice for him one day. He had GREAT things to say, and he was very impressed with the way Becka is doing. He hugged her at the end of the meeting and said "Merry Christmas"! We will see him again after the first of the year. We left his office and went by to see my mother at her work, then we ended up saying hey to everyone there. They all wanted to hug Becka! So many people are praying, and I know that God hears their prayers.

Afterwards, we went out to breakfast at IHOP and it was heavenly, I took her shopping, then we went to a place called "Cancer Services". Becka signed up and met with her representative "Iris" who is a cancer survivor! They are WONDERFUL and BLESSED there! They do so much for cancer patients such as supplying wigs, scarves and hats, helping with medications, counseling and support groups, nutrition counseling....the list goes on and on. I can see Becka volunteering there after she recovers! Iris is a wonderful lady from Puerto Rico. She said she's a recovering Catholic, lol. She converted to Baptist. I've never thought that mattered too much. All that matters is who we call our Lord! There will be Catholics, Baptists, Moravians, Adventists, Pentecostals, Bapticostals...lol. God is working in our lives so much, directing our path and reaching out with his people. We are truly blessed.

Becka is losing energy more and more, but it's completely understandable. Her last radiation to her brain is tomorrow! WOO HOOO!! Then she starts her Chemo, but it's all good. She's strong enough for anything, because she has God with her. Last night was emotional, and we sometimes wonder, "Why her", but I told her that I think God wants her to work with others that have cancer because of her personality and heart. She can reach out and talk to anyone, and people feel at ease with her. I think he has big plans for her concerning others, but how could she help them unless she knew first hand what they were going through? It's one thing to say that I will pray for someone. It's another to say that God healed me of the same thing and he will heal you too! Experience is a powerful witness. I believe that is the reason!

Going to bed, I'll write more tomorrow. God bless everyone! Love you all! More to come.....

Day Ten continued

It's almost time for bed. Kids are asleep but Becka is still awake! We are sitting here watching the tube eating dry Honeycomb cereal. She's feeling good! Praise God, he is sooooo good. We just watched the X Factor and voted for Melony Amaro. The girl can SING! The bed is heated up with the mattress pad heater-majig, and Becka was able to sleep on her side last night! She hasn't been taking any pain meds at all, just the steroids, but she's on a cancer killing diet consisting of no sugar, yellow and red peppers, tomatoes, and different spices. She's also taking the muscadine seed concoction, so it's on! She IS going to beat this, I have no doubt. I wish I was half as strong as she is.

Off to bed all! God Bless you and keep you!

Day Ten

Here is is day ten already. This week has flown by. Becka only has two more radiation treatments to her brain, then a couple more to her hip, and the Chemotherapy starts. I'm not looking forward to that. I love taking care of my wife, believe you me, but I wish she didn't have to go through it. I can tell that the radiation is affecting her emotions. I'll be so glad when this is all over and she's cancer free.

 Andrew and I are fixing to go to Taekwondo. We have testing next week. Beck is helping Autumn with her homework. I think it would go more smoothly if she actually read the book, lol. I'm taking off all day tomorrow to be with Beck. She has radiation in the morning, then we meet with the doctor. I pray he gives us some good news.

I went off on a friend today, and had to go back and apologize. It seems that everyone I tell about Becka has had a family member die of cancer. I can tell that they wish they could take back the words in mid air after they say it. I have to remember that I'm not the only one who loves Becka, and others are hurting too. I'm going to pray for them tonight.

Tomorrow I'm calling the American Cancer Society to see about a wig and some support groups. God Bless them. They are a wonderful organization. I'll write more later......

Day Nine coming to an end

Time for bed. Becka went to bed hours ago. All of the energy has been sucked out of her, but she still summons the strength to clean the house, smile at us, hug me and kiss me when I leave and return, and tend to the kids. I know she wants to feel normal, but I also know she feels worse than she's letting on. She doesn't want us to worry. (Sorry honey, it's too late for that). My heart is torn in half and I want her well. I'm waiting on the kids to go to sleep so I can lay down. Christmas is coming. Time to celebrate the birth of our Savior. I want so much to give her a wonderful Christmas. I really do hate cancer. I've never hated anything more in my life. I have a resentment against something that I have no power over, and it's very frustrating.

I pray for others, and I pray for forgiveness, but the last prayer I say and the first one in the morning will be the same from now on, "God please heal her, in Christ, Amen".

Good night. More to come.....

Day Nine

Day nine is coming to an end. We just had a fantastic supper of lasagna made by some friends! Becka is feeling good! She doesn't have a lot of energy, but so far so good! She's not in any pain, her appetite is still good, and she got out of the house today! Thanks so much to My Aunt Cathy for taking her to treatment, and to Fern for taking her to World Market! My Uncle Kirk brought her two cases of purified water from Le Bleu, and a case of muscadine juice! She also has some concentrated muscadine seeds that are the most powerful antioxidant in the world. The problem is that they taste like the most repulsive substance ever, so she's mixing it with juice.

 Life is good right now. The shock is over and now comes the healing. I was able to work all day and I'm working tomorrow. Fernie is taking Becka in the morning, and I took Thursday off. We meet with the doctor Thursday and I want to know when we will find out how the treatment is working. We may be dealing with this, but I'll never truly accept that Becka has cancer.  I feel like I could lay down and sleep for a week.

God Bless and more to come.....

Day Eight

Monday and all is not well, but it will be! I worked all day and it was healthy for me to get back in the swing of things. My wonderful Aunt came and took Becka to treatment. I'm blessed that my family adores her. Becka made a FABULOUS pot of home made vegetable soup, and some friends brought us a huge pan of lasagna for tomorrow. So many people are reaching out, and I can't thank them enough. It really does make a difference, no matter how big or small the gesture. Whether it be a card, food, or a prayer, it all counts the same to me. The true measure of the heart is when someone needs help.

I'm going to taekwondo tonight with Andrew. He and I are testing for our blue belts in a couple of weeks, so we need the practice. Becka's appetite is good and she's sleeping at night. Her mind is sharp and her mood hasn't changed. If she's in any pain she's not showing it to us. I really do have an incredible wife.

I'm still having trouble with my emotions. I can't hold it back sometimes, so I go off to myself. All of that will change when she's cancer free, and she will be. I have no doubt of that. Tonight I'm going to read the book of Job when I get back. When I read about men of faith who lost everything except their faith, it helps me to trust in God that he will restore her in his own time. Thank you everyone for being yourselves. I won't forget it! God Bless, and more to come.......

Day Seven

Sunday! We didn't go to church today. I'm sure that God understands. Becka has no energy, but we did go to breakfast as a family. We even woke the kids to go with us! It was a great morning. I programmed Becka's phone to chime when it's time to take her meds. Technology is a wonderful thing in moderation. We got back here and rested, then I took Autumn and her friend to the mall, and Andrew and I were in the Christmas Parade with our Taekwondo school. It was the first time Andrew had ever been in the parade, and he had a really good time. I'm going to treasure days like this, because I know rough times are coming, but we are ready and God is all around us. People are reaching out like crazy, and I am so grateful. Becka doesn't want this to affect our life anymore than it has to, so I'm going to keep things as normal as possible. Chicken in the crock pot smells great, and her favorite show comes on tonight, (The Amazing Race), so all is good for now! God Bless and love you guys! More to come.....

Day Six coming to an end

Becka is laying down and I'm right behind her. Tonight turned in to an emotional night. We watched a movie together, (The latest Pirates of the Caribbean), and had some ice cream, then we talked for a while, cried for a while, prayed together, then cried again. She's so strong yet so fragile at the same time. She can feel the tumor in her lung, so she's having to sleep propped up. PLEASE God take this away. I would do absolutely anything to trade places with her. I deserve this and she doesn't. I've abused the body God gave me for forty years. She's never so much as inhaled a cigarette. If I had cancer it would make perfect sense. This whole thing makes NO sense to me, and I don't want to hear about God's will. He didn't give her cancer. It's the fallen world of sin that causes all of the problems we have.

 I had a great talk with Andrew tonight while he and I were putting up Christmas lights. I told him that his Mother is going to get better and we are gonna have a party, and one day we would all be together in Heaven partying down with ALL of our friends and family, singing Happy Birthday to our Savior. I'm looking forward to seeing my grandparents again. Of course he wanted to know what kind of food is going to be there, lol. That kid will eat you out of HOUSE AND HOME! I have no idea where it goes.

I'm going to snuggle with my wife. I'll write some more tomorrow and the next day, and the next. I hope no one minds. It's helping me and I want to chronicle her path to recovery. This experience has been an incredible showcase of her character. She's still the best Mom and Wife in the world, she's just sick, but that's going to change real soon! Love y'all and Peace! More to come.......

Day Six

Saturday! Today has been awesome! Becka got some much needed rest. I was able to hang out with my Dad, and I got the Christmas lights put up. She's feeling better but has no energy, which is completely understandable considering what she's been through. I checked myself today when talking to the kids, and I'm fixing to go get all of us some ice cream at Coldstone Creamery! God is working all around us. I can feel it and see it first hand. He works through people, and I know in my heart that everything is going to be okay! God Bless our parents....Becka's Mother and Father, and my Mother and Stepfather. I'm starting to think that Becka's parents kind of like me, and my mother told Becka a long time ago that if we ever split up, I'm out of the family and she's in! (She was serious too). We are all ONE family now, and I love my life. I can't wait for her to be well! Thanks everyone! More to come....

Day Five coming to an end.......

We just got back from the party and it went fantastic! Becka is wiped out. This week has sucked the energy out of her, but I would be bed ridden if I had gone what she has endured. I'm warming her up a blanket in the dryer and I've turned the bed heater on high. I already knew that my wife is an incredible woman, and I knew from Taekwondo that she has the heart of a warrior, but I didn't know until now that my love for her goes way beyond anything earthly. I knew that God brought us together, but only he could put this much love in my heart.

She has gone to bed and I'm not far behind her. I just wanted to write about the rest of the day. I need to watch EVERYTHING I say from now on and think about every word before I say it. I realized today that I was barking at the kids for no reason. They are fabulous kids, full of love and very respectful, and they don't deserve that, so I'm buying a case of candy bars! I pray that no one tests me right now. I don't know how much self control I have and I don't want to know. I think I'm in the stage of grief where I'm looking around for a target to take out my frustrations, but God revealed that to me, and knowledge is a great thing. A very good friend of mine told me to ask myself, "Is what you are about to say Christian in nature", and if it isn't, don't say it. Good advice!

Good night everyone and God Bless you. If you are reading this, please stop right now, look at the one you love, touch their face, and say, "I Love You". Trust me, it will make their day, and yours!

Day Five continued....

We just got back from Walmart. We bought some groceries and Becka got some exercise. She is so weak from the radiation and medicines. When we got back, she laid down for a few. We are going to my brother's thirtieth birthday party tonight. I pray that she feels good enough to go. I'm developing a resentment in my heart and it grows stronger every day. I know that she hasn't been going through this for very long, but I see what it's doing to her, and I HATE cancer.

 I am SO grateful for the men and women who are researching cancer drugs and treatments, for the pioneers who came before her and laid the foundation for life. This experience has literally changed my entire way of thinking, about everything. The things that were important a month ago don't even exist anymore.

 Becka told me tonight that all she wanted for Christmas was a trip to the beach for her and me. She wants to smell the ocean and feel the sand beneath her feet. I can't wait to take her. As soon as she's able, we are SO there! We are off to the party. More to come......

Day Five

Today is special. We were blessed by both My Mother and Stepfather, and Becka's Mother and Father. Times are getting tight right now. We've gone from a two income family to a half income family. That will change when I get back to work full time, but for now I'm taking advantage of the fact that I have a fantastic boss that understands I need to be with my wife. I'm not worried about money, because I know that things will change when life returns to normal. I can tell you this. I won't forget the generosity that has come our way, and I will repay it somehow, some way! 

Becka had her radiation this morning. Thanks to Fern for taking her so I could get some hours in. She's in pain this afternoon, so I came home early. She never shows that she's hurting in front of the kids. Her selflessness is astounding. I can't wait for all of this to be over! I'm going to go ahead and buy her some Mickey Mouse ears, because when she's cancer free, we are going to Disney World!!

I'm going to run her to the store so she can get out for a bit. I'll finish this later! Thank you to everyone who is helping us, no matter how big or small. There aren't words to express our gratitude!

Love ya, ,mean it! More to come....

Day Four

We've almost come to the end of day four. So far so good! I took her to the doctor this morning. She received her radiation treatment, then we met with the doctor. We get to see him every Thursday. He started her on an anti-seizure medication, and another medication to keep her from getting an infection from the steroids. The medicines are starting to pile up. She's still in great spirits and her attitude is to win. This cancer doesn't have a chance. It picked on the wrong woman! It's not going to live through this, but she is. I think I might have a headstone made up : "Here lies Cancer, it tried to mess with Becka and LOST".

I told her today that if she lost her hair, which she probably will, I want it to make a keychain. Even if it falls out, it's a part of her, and we can compare her before and after hair. We can't give it to "Locks of Love" because it's colored, but we can give mine to them.

This whole thing is becoming more real to me every day, and I'm not getting better with it. I'm trying to be strong for her and the kids, but I'm having a very hard time concentrating. Everyone I talk to wants to know how she is, so I have to relive it every five minutes. I know my team mates and friends love her and want to know, but this is dominating my mind and my heart. I can't make it through the day without losing it. I know that God will heal her, and he hears our prayers, but I don't know his plan and that's scary. I need to talk to someone. I'm going to join a support group for family members. I don't have to feel this way alone.

Becka is the one going through this, and she is doing it with her head held high, and her heart open for everyone else. I've never respected or admired another person in my life as much as I respect and admire her.

I brought Bojangles chicken for supper. That made everyone happy! It's the small things that matter....

More to come!

Day Three continued....

Another end to a good day. We are on a journey towards Becka being cancer free. I don't care how long it takes, or what it takes, just as long as it works. I pray tonight that the Lord blesses me with enough years on this earth that we can go somewhere together and celebrate her being well. I know that a big part of Becka's life will be advocating for cancer research and helping people recover, the same way people are helping her. Friday is "Feel Good Friday" at the cancer center. I'm going to take her to get her nails done, her finger nails that is. I painted her toes tonight.....(one of my favorite things to do in the world)! No matter how good today was, it's going to get worse before it gets better, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it isn't a train coming! It's God reaching for her, and we are reaching back! Time for bed, and radiation tomorrow. God Bless all! More to come.....

Day Three

Today was much better than before! Becka slept all night thanks to the medicine. I think she gets more beautiful every day. I had to go to work, and our good friend Fern took her to her radiation treatment. I'm taking her tomorrow because that's the day we meet with the doctor. I don't know how much longer we will have hair. We went and looked at wigs the other day. I talked her in to sticking with her original color. So far so good with her pain and nausea. I still can't concentrate on anything during the day. All I think about is her, and being at home, but I have to work, especially now since she can't. Money is quickly becoming an issue, but it will be fine with a few lifestyle changes, and as soon as we sell one of the kids. (Just kidding). I can't wait to take her somewhere special as soon as she gets well. I know this is a lifelong battle, but for now it's one day at a time. More to come....

Day Two continued....

This is a much better end to the day than yesterday! My beautiful wife is sleeping comfortably thanks to the steroids and pain meds the doctor gave her today. She has radiation every day for the next two weeks, then she starts her Chemo. They were going to try and treat her cancer with a biological agent, but it won't work with the type of cancer she has according to the biopsy, That's a drag, but the chemo should work great. She's in for the fight of her life. This is only the beginning, and my heart hurts every time I look at her or touch her. I love her so very much and it's my job to protect her from harm, but I can't fight this. Powerlessness is a very scary feeling. I have to trust in God, the doctors, and the medicine, and be by her side every step of the way. I'm where I belong. I'm where God wants me to be, and I'm where I want to be. She is my life, my love, and my future. Becka is my first love. I need her to be okay, and she will be. God is in control, and he is a loving God. I need to remember that no matter how much I love Becka, he loves her more. More to come......

Day Two

It's day two of Becka's radiation treatments. Yesterday was terrifying. Everything went well until last night. Becka's head started hurting, her face was swollen, and she became violently ill. I propped her up in the bed with pillows and put the trash can beside the bed. She started to get sick, then her eyes rolled back, she stopped breathing, and she passed out. Her skin was hot to the touch. I laid her on her back, freaked out, and about the time I was going to dial 911, she came to.

The doctor explained it today. Apparently her brain will swell when she has radiation...(something I'm sure they told us). The tumors in her brain swell as well, and it makes her very sick. She apparently had a seizure last night. The doctor says it's nothing to worry about, but if it happens again, call him. He started her on some steroids that will help with the swelling, the pain, and her appetite. I wish I could take this off of her, but she's so strong, and she wants to get well. I still can't believe it, but it's becoming real very quick. God please have mercy on her. Please continue with the prayers. Every prayer counts! More to come.....

The beginning

Four weeks ago was when our journey began. That was when life changed forever. My name is Randy, and my wife Becka and I have three kids ages twelve, fourteen, and twenty. We are your ordinary Christian, working, loving, arguing, taekwondo family. We have ordinary problems but exceptional love for each other. We have goals and dreams, plans for the future and for our children. Everything was going pretty well, until four weeks ago. That was when Becka went to Prime Care.

 She had a pain in her side, and we thought it was a pulled muscle from Taekwondo, but it wouldn't go away, so she went to get it checked out. I remember very well when she called me that day from the doctor's office, because I could hear in her voice that something was wrong. The doctors wanted me to pick her up, because the xray had revealed what they thought might be a pulmonary embolism in her lung. I took off of work and rushed there, gathered her up, and took her for a CT. They took the Cat Scan immediately, and sent us back to the doctor, who told us that there wasn't an embolism, but there was in fact a mass in her left lung. Life was already changing, and the things that mattered had changed as well. We scheduled Becka an appointment with a pulmonary surgeon, who ordered a PET scan before we met with him.

We had already started praying hard. We had always prayed as a family every day, but our prayers had been of gratitude, or for other people, for a very long time. This time, our prayers were for mercy and healing.

The surgeon was very gentle when he informed us that the PET scan revealed many areas of concern in Becka, and the next course of action was a biopsy. At this point, all joy had left my heart and I felt like falling apart, but I had faith in God, and besides, it couldn't be cancer. Becka had never smoked in her life, and she had lived in the Amazon! It had to be an infection!

We didn't get the results back so we were able to enjoy Thanksgiving with friends and family, but still a dark cloud loomed over us, and we knew that the storm could hit at any time, but still we prayed, and so did many others! Did I mention that Becka is beloved?

Monday came and Becka called me at work. She said that the doctor's office had called and they had scheduled her with an Oncologist, but the doctor wouldn't be in until after 1:00, and he would call then with the results. I got off the phone with her, gained my composure, and called the doctor's office myself. I told them I wanted her results, so the nurse came on and informed me that Becka had Metastatic Cancer-Adenocarcenoma. I hung up, and fell apart. I'm glad I was outside and alone. I couldn't talk or breath, and I prayed out loud for God to give me strength. I knew I had to get home before the doctor called. I couldn't let Becka get her results alone, so I jumped in my truck and broke every law to get to my beautiful wife.

I walked in the house and she met me at the door. She didn't know that I knew, so I took her by the hand and we sat on the couch. I said, "Baby, please don't be mad at me, but you know I have no patience. I called and got your results". I don't know if it was my voice breaking, or the tears running down, but she knew. She asked, "Do I have cancer"? I told her yes, took both of her hands, and we cried together for a time. Then she looked at me and told me she was going to beat it, and I agreed.

We met with the Oncologist, who told her he was going to heal her, but he needed to do an MRI of her head to make sure it hadn't spread to her brain. SURELY it hadn't. God knows what we were going through already. That was enough, but as sure as the world, she had the MRI and there is cancer present in her brain.

All of this has taken place in the last month. It feels like we are being bombed, each time with a bigger bomb. I started crying in the Radiologist's office when he told us about her brain cancer, and I said, "God says he will never put more on us than we can handle, but he's really pushing the envelope here", and the doctor looked at me and said, "God didn't do this. He didn't give her cancer, but he will heal her, and walk with you".

This has truly been a test of faith. Today, I can say, my faith in God has never been stronger, and neither has my love for my wife. She had her first radiation treatment today on her brain. They are going after the tumors there first. Her hair will fall out, her short term memory will be damaged, but she will live. WE will get through this. I'm terrified, distraught, and numb, but I'm here. I'm going to walk beside my wife through everything she has to go through, and when she gets well, I'm taking her somewhere special! This too shall pass, and we will be stronger as a result. Please pray for her. God WILL heal her! I have no doubt! I will be posting as much as I can. I want to document our journey in healing. In Christ, may you be blessed!