It's Sunday night and all is well. This weekend has flown by. Right now, Becka is watching "The Amazing Race" and eating a salad, but she's been hurting all day so we will probably turn in early. Today has been a day of reflection for me. I've been thinking about what we've been through together and it seems surreal. We all went out to breakfast together this morning. The ONLY way to get the kids up early on Sunday is either Church or food. I'll be glad when Becka feels like sitting through a sermon again. I miss going to church and being a part of a church family. It keeps me on track because it makes me accountable. Her hips and back have been killing her, and yesterday at the tournament didn't help. I was apparently exhausted, because today we went to the park for a little while and played volleyball, then we came back here and I told Becka I was going to take a short nap. She woke me up two and a half hours later. I feel like we are coming to the end of a long journey. I hope it's the end, so we can begin another one. I've never experienced so many emotions before without medicating them away. It's been a growing experience for me, that much is certain.
At this moment I know for sure without any doubt that I've never loved another human being as much as I love Becka. The thought of living life without her was torturing me, and watching her go through this has been agonizing, but God has answered all of our prayers and he is restoring her to health. I think of her friend in Tennessee who got hit by a car walking across the road right before Christmas two years ago. She was killed instantly. Her husband and children were devastated. They never got to say goodbye, and I wonder if he told her he loved her before she left that morning. Memories like that are what make me tell Becka how much I love her every day. If I don't come home from work tomorrow, I don't want there to be any doubt in her mind about my feelings for her.This life is incredibly short. I know that now. When I was twenty, I never considered it. We thought we would be here forever, but now that I'm forty four, I realize that I'm probably closer to death than birth, so I'm going to try and make the best of every day. God's timing is impeccable. He put me here when I was ready and gave me the best life I could ever imagine. I'm so very grateful to him. He loves me so much more than I love myself. I don't even like myself most of the time, but I'm working on it.
God Bless you all and please keep praying. She's getting better but she's not out of the woods yet. Her last chemo treatment is Tuesday. The doctors say it will probably be the worst, but after that, she can grow hair again, enjoy food again, and start to really live again. That's our goal, for her to go through one day and not think about cancer at all!
Sweet dreams and same time tomorrow!
