Day 312
It's Friday night and I have to do this quickly. The internet is going in and out at the hotel. We made it to Maryland! I have two pictures of Beck, her cloth bracelet, and our wooden "clinging" cross beside the bed for her. She's here with me in my heart. This is one of the places we were going to come and have another Honeymoon. We always talked about DC in the Fall, so here I am. A little early but just the same. So far everything has been great. God has directed the entire trip. On the flight from Charlotte to Washington, a lady sat beside of me. She's my age and she noticed my hands shaking, then she saw me pray right before the plane took off. When she heard me say, "Amen", she asked if I was scared. I told her that flying is one my biggest fears. It always has been. Of course she threw out the clique that more people are killed in cars than planes. I reminded her that cars don't slam in to mountains or the ground at 300 miles an hour. We laughed. God knows what he was doing. She told me she is a Christian and would pray with me, so we did for a while. It was wonderful. Beck and I used to pray all of the time about everything, so praying together is important to me. God put her in the right place at the right time. I don't know her name and I'll never see her again unless God wants me to, but it was what I needed. Another Christian to share in my fear and pain. I told her all about Beck and showed her pictures. I tell everyone who wants to listen about Beck, and when I tell how she left, it usually changes the life of whoever is listening. Today it made someone cry happy tears, and I'm sure she will never forget that plane ride.
I'm feeling good tonight. I ate pizza for supper here in my room that I love. When I got to the rental car place, I expected to pick up a little AEON, or something like that. It looks like a "smart car", the one I was SUPPOSED to get. Instead, they gave me a Ford Focus GT five door. It's SWEET. I love driving it! It looks and handles like a sports car, and it's brand new. It didn't help me though. It took two and a half hours to drive from the airport to the hotel. We were going five miles an hour the whole time. It's all good. I'm here and I'm healthy. The room rocks, the car rocks, the flight rocked, and the weekend is going to as well. When I say that Beck and I are going to have a ball, I'm not losing my mind. I'm just not ready to act like I'm alone yet, and I don't have to be. To inflict as much pain as possible on myself at one time when I don't have to, now that would be insane. She's here in my heart, and I don't want her to go completely away yet. I'm not done, and I may never be, and if that's the case, then so be it. My Grandfather never remarried or dated when my Grandmother dropped over from a heart attack in her fifties. She was gone immediately, and when he died decades later of cancer, they found that he never moved anything in the house. All of her jewelry and clothes were in the same place. It was if she never left. Now that won't be me. We have already started cleaning out quite a bit, but I understand why he left it all. He needed to feel close to her because she was his soul mate. Right now, I need that too.
I'm going out driving my little sports car for a bit. Good night and God Bless. Sweet Dreams!
