Sunday night and my baby is still fighting. Her blood pressure is down and so is her breathing. Her legs have started "mapping", which is when they turn color due to the heart not pumping. It won't be long now. I'm right here with her. She and I have been alone in the room for a while now. When everyone left earlier, I moved the chairs and laid my head on her shoulder so that I could talk to her. I tried to anyway. I can't seem to get through a sentence about anything. My breath goes away, and my chest feels like it's going to explode all of the time. I read to her for a while as well. I read the Bible, book of Ecclesiastes Chapter 3, then John 3. I also read Proverbs 31, because I want her to know what kind of wife she's been to me. I have no complaints, only accolades. Before I met Beck, I built a wall in front of me that no one could cross. I would let women close to it, but then I would back off before things got too serious, but as soon as I met Becka, I knew she was my soul mate, so I tore the wall down and showed her all of me, and she accepted all of my short comings and loved me every day we were together. Never once did I feel unloved by her, even when she was mad at me.
My heart is torn and I can't stop crying, so it's hard for me to write this. I would give anything to hear her voice one more time. I hold her hand but she doesn't squeeze mine. This is like being in Hell. I'm praying that God will ease my heart and take her to Heaven soon.
God Bless and Good night.
