Today is our Anniversary! I know that I posted the other day that it was on the twenty third. My mind isn't running on all cylinders. I gave Beck some flowers and a diamond cross on a chain. She gave me a new Craftsman socket set. She just doesn't know it yet, lol. She can't get out to get me anything, and I have all I need, but it's important for her to be able to get me something too, so I'll pick it up tomorrow. I actually do need some sockets.
Today has special meanings for me of course. We reflect on our anniversary the past years together and remember the special times. I realize tonight that every time with Becka is special. It always has been. This experience has taught me how to never take anyone or anything for granted. She and I both know that this will be our last anniversary together, and that tears my heart completely in two, so I have to try and make this one as special as possible. If she's up to it, we are going out to eat Saturday early afternoon. Some friends of ours gave us a couple of gift cards, so we are going to the Brazilian Steak House if she feels like it. There are a lot of things that will be the last. Andrew's birthday is tomorrow and his party is Saturday. I can't wait. I made it special for him as well, but it's for her too. Andrew and Autumn have always been the light in Becka's eyes. They are her greatest accomplishments. She has raised them both to love the Lord, respect their elders and each other, and be responsible. Beck has always been the nurturing one, and I of course and the stern Dad. (Not so stern these days). I'm the one who reminds them that they didn't do their chores, but I'm also the one who they come to for help, and that means the world to me. I was up with Andrew at three O'clock in the morning. He hasn't been feeling good and he had some bad dreams. We prayed together and had a chocolate fudge pop tart, then I let him sleep on the couch. Autumn goes with me everywhere I go these days. She depends on me and looks to me for protection, because she knows that I would give my life for either of them. I told them a long time ago that when I married their Mother, I married them too, and they will always have a home with me. I will always provide for them and be there as their stepdad and friend. I'm just glad that their Father and I get along so well. He's a great guy and he loves his kids, (our kids). He trusts me and knows that I take care of them. He and I have never had a cross word and never will I pray. The kids see the relationship he and I have and that makes things much easier on them. Together, he and I teach them about love and respect, and he's a Redskin fan. That's EXTREMELY important! Mike is truly one of the good guys, and I'm grateful for that.
I gave Andrew an early birthday present tonight. He wanted a Redskin hoodie like the one I got the other day, so I got him one and he loves it! I want Beck to be awake when we give him his other presents. Please pray for her extra tonight. She's hurting and I pray that it's just a pulled muscle or a spasm, but the pain is coming from the spot where she was hurting when they originally diagnosed her cancer. Her main tumor was right there, and it's not being treated. I'm going to keep a close eye on her tonight, you can bet on that. Living with a loved one who is fighting cancer is like living on top of a keg of dynamite. We walk around delicately and pray it doesn't go off, even though we know that one day it will. It's all in God's hands. I wish it was in mine because I don't know his plan or reason, but I'm still trying to do what he wants me to do. He took her pain away tonight. I know that much for a fact.
Beck's Mom just told me that Beck was upset earlier because we couldn't go out for our Anniversary. All that matters to me is that we are together tonight. As sick as she is, she still lets me know every day that she loves me. It's important to her for me to know how she feels about me. I pray that I have been the husband she and God want me to be. I'm here until the end.
Sweet Dreams and God Bless!
