Day 278

Saturday night and I know I'm fixing to catch it for this one from a couple of people. I should have gone to the doctor, but I felt better, so I didn't, and now I feel crappy again. I promise I'm going tomorrow. Today was a long day. Beck and I got up several times last night, then we got up at four this morning and just stayed up. Beck wanted a bowl of leftover home made spaghetti, and I made some cinnamon rolls and coffee Then about seven, Beck stood up to go to the bathroom. She walked about five steps, then looked at me and said, "Baby". I could tell in her voice that something was wrong. I ran to her and she started shaking and convulsing. I thought she was having a seizure, because she couldn't talk. I just kept saying, "Baby, Baby", and she didn't respond. She was shaking all over and I held her in place, then carried her in the bedroom and to the bed. I was about to call for the kids to call 911, when she came back around. She stopped shaking and her eyes cleared up. She didn't know what had happened. I got her in to the bathroom, then gave her a shower. That seemed to make her feel better. I got her dressed and to the living room, and she's been okay all day. It scared me so badly this morning, that I've been torn all day. My head hurts from crying and the infection I apparently have in my sinus. I'll take care of one of those problems in the morning.

 My son Dillon came over and stayed with her while I took Autumn to get some new pants and shirts, then I went by the grocery store and bought food for the next couple of days. I ran him home, and now I'm home for the night. She and I will be going to bed soon. I need to go to church at some point, or have some bible study here at the house. I know a pastor or two who would come over and lead us. When Beck's Dad was here, he was leading us in a study, and I really enjoyed it. I need to be fed the word, because my heart has been turning cold lately. I hear about "God's Will", and I just want to scream. Why in the world would THIS be God's will? I need to believe that God lets things happen for his Glory, and the end result will do just that. I need God to get my through this, and I can't do that if I'm angry or isolated from him. In my experience with my walk with the Lord, I need other Christians. I feed off of their faith and love, and God works through them to help me. He's going to do just that in the morning when I go to the doctor. I'm sure that I'll feel differently about things if I can get to feeling better physically. I'm just stubborn and I HATE going to the doctor. 

I'm going to bed with my beautiful wife and watch her sleep. Sweet dreams and God Bless!