Friday afternoon and things are calming down. Last night was the worst night of my life. I managed to get a little sleep from pure exhaustion, but Ruth stayed up pretty much all night. We both stayed with Beck at the hospital. Beck has pneumonia, so both of her lungs are filling with fluid. I slept with her on the bed for a long time last night, whispering in her ear. She responds to my voice, and she even kissed me, so I know she can hear me and understands what I'm saying. On one hand I'm glad, but on the other I wish she didn't. She was fully aware of the fact that she was drowning this morning when her lungs filled with fluid. She was crying through the gurgling, and Ruth and I were hysterical, pleading with the nurses to do something. They called in someone from "Respiratory" who cleared her lungs with a tube through her nose. She calmed right down, but she got upset when I said, "God please just take her". Beck knew what I meant, and she's not ready to go yet. I've learned that until someone is ready, they aren't going to give up the spirit.
This morning, Ruth ran home for a few, and I stayed until the doctor came in. We made the decision to leave Beck here instead of moving her to hospice. The doctor said we have hours to days left, so they can make her comfortable here. Respiratory has been in a couple of times to clean out her lungs. We aren't going to let that happen again. One of Beck's biggest fears has always been of drowning. She drowned when she was a child, so I can imagine how she felt when her lungs were full.
I was pretty distraught this morning when I left the hospital to go home and shower, so I called a friend of mine, (thanks Kevin). I told him that she didn't want to go, and was fighting to stay. He gave me some scripture to read to her, then he suggested that I go about it from a different angle. He said to remind her that we would all be in Heaven, and that there would be no separation from her family, but rather we would all be together with God. It was brilliant. I came back here and whispered in her ear, "Baby, God wants all of us to go to Heaven to be with him. He wants the kids, and You and Me, and your sisters and brother, and your parents, and everyone, to come to Heaven and be together forever with him. We are all going and we want you to go with us." As soon as I said that, she relaxed. It was amazing. We aren't going to be separated from each other if we are believers. Everything I said to her was the truth, and it makes it easier for her to let go of this life as long as we remind her that we are all going to be in the same place. I'm going to keep whispering in her ear that she's the most beautiful woman in the world, and how much I love her for as long as I have breaths in me, but I'm giving her up to God, and asking him to take her home now. It is accomplished. Well done.
I'm going to do a few things. Will write more later. God Bless.
