Day 287
Monday night and Beck has gone to bed. Today has flown by. I was up all night watching her and listening to her breath, so I got up early and got the kids out the door, then went back to bed. I got back up with Beck around nine, then we laid back down. I woke back up around twelve o'clock, and I've been so tired all day that I can hardly hold my eyes open. I did get out of the house for a little while this evening and bought Andrew a couple of things for his birthday this Friday. We are having his party Saturday. I wish I could tell you what I got him, but I'll have to wait to post it after the party. Beck slept most of the day until she got up to eat this evening, and she watched a little TV, but when I stood her up to go to bed, she had another small episode like last night. I held her tightly so that she would know she wasn't going to fall, and I whispered that it was okay and for her to take deep breaths. I also started praying. Her legs tried to fail, but she came back around and we took baby steps to the bedroom. When we got there, I changed her clothes and tucked her in. She doesn't even remember what happened last night. That's probably a good thing.
It's amazing to see the changes from just a short time ago. My vibrant, energetic wife who was so full of life can't walk across the room without help. The cancer and the treatments have tried their best to beat her, but she's still fighting and will until the end. There is also a peace with Beck that God must have put on her, because it wasn't there before. Her body is failing her, and she's happy most of the time. There is no self pity, sorrow, or regret. There is only love in her eyes when she looks at me. I pray that no matter how bad this gets, she never forgets who I am or how much I love her.
I may be getting sick. I can't hold my eyes open and the kids have been sick for a week with colds. I really hope not, but if so I'll deal with it. For now, I need to go to bed. I've cried and hurt myself to exhaustion, and I can't afford to get sick. God will see me through this. He brought me to it, so he will bring me through it.
Sweet Dreams and God Bless. Love you all!
