Sunday night and I'm glad this day is coming to an end. I'm sitting beside the love of my life, watching her try to take off her oxygen and breathing labored. She makes a grunting sound every time she takes a breath. They found two blood clots in her lung, and one in her leg. She was in enormous pain today, so we called the ambulance. The paramedics gave her morphine before we left the house, but it didn't do any good. She hurt all the way to the hospital. When we got here, they gave her more morphine, but finally gave her Dilaudid. She's not in pain anymore, but she's not on this planet anymore. I don't care about that, I'm just so very grateful that she's not hurting. They are giving her Dilaudid every two hours for now, and shots in her stomach to try and break up the blood clots. They are also giving her meds in her IV. I'm spending the night here beside of her. The room they have her in is very nice and I'm extremely impressed with the staff here. They've treated her top notch.
The entire time that Beck has been fighting this cancer, I've been able to deal with it in some way, but I couldn't handle watching her in pain. I've never prayed so long and so hard as I did today. I begged the Lord to take her out of pain, and held her hand while trying to not let her see how terrified I was. Cancer is like a nightmare that keeps on going. It takes as much as it can before it's done. I hate it. I'll be watching her all night again for sure. I don't have to tell you what happens if one of the blood clots moves or closes up. Watching her lay beside of me, gasping for air and hurting at the same time, I ask God for mercy, no matter how he gives it. Never the less, I want to see her walking out of here. I want to take her home and not in pain. Please pray that the blood clots break up. God's will be done.
This is going to be a little short. I want to pay attention to her, and I can't think straight. God Bless and I love you all. Sweet Dreams. I will post in the morning on how she is doing after her doctor comes by.
