It's Monday night and all is well. I just got back from Taekwondo and a pretty good workout. I was covered in sweat, so it was worth going. We are testing this Wednesday for our red stripe belts. One of the criteria for testing is sparring, and my friend Lee and I have been working on a routine. It's supposed to be random, but we want to choreograph it so it will look like a martial arts movie. Okay, maybe a slow, geriatric martial arts movie, but none the less! I wish I could test with Andrew, but the adults and the kids test separately. It's all good because he just makes me look bad. I want them to put me with the eighty year olds so I will look super fast!
I've been trying to divert my mind from what's going on, but the truth is all I can think about is Becka's MRI today. We get the results back Wednesday afternoon. I have been praying all day, and I'm reading this book by Kenneth Hagan that a friend gave to me. I agree with some of the premises of it, but others I am skeptical. I don't think we can change God's mind and I wouldn't presume to try. I have learned in my walk with God to accept his will as being better than mine, and realizing that I will never entirely understand his infinite wisdom with my finite mind, so that's where the fear comes from. I've heard people say that fear is the opposite of faith. I don't believe that. I believe that as long as we are trapped in these earthly bodies, we have to endure humanity, just as Christ did on the cross. He felt genuine pain and suffering of which none of us could ever imagine, because he was a man. My flesh will always hurt, and that is where the power of the enemy comes in. He lays things in my path that will temporarily take the pain of life away, but like I just said, it's temporary and it comes with a price. God's love is everlasting and the price has been paid, so tonight I trust in him, and still I pray that the tests will come out okay. I have selfish reasons, and selfless reasons. I want Becka to feel better so much, and at the same time, I want her by my side for a very long time. Everything is going to be okay. I have to believe that or I'll lose it.
The past week has been great and I'm eternally grateful for it! I pray that it lasts and they tell us Wednesday that her cancer is all but gone. There is no other outcome that is acceptable to me. Until then, I'm in limbo, just kind of floating around. One day, all will be revealed, and this might make sense.
I'm going to bed because I'm exhausted. Good night and God Bless as always! Same time tomorrow I hope!
