It's Thursday night and we just got back from Taekwondo. I really didn't feel like going, but I'm glad I did. My elbow is feeling much better! I haven't been using it and I bought a brace, and so far so good! Becka is wiped out. Ruth cooked a great supper tonight, and Becka laid down right afterwards and has been asleep ever since. The chemo takes such a toll on her. I just pray that the nausea stays away. This is usually when it starts. I just checked on her and she is out. She didn't budge when I knelt by her. I hope she sleeps all night. I was going to take something to sleep tonight, but I had better not just in case she is up.
The doctor called me in some medicine to help me sleep. I've taken it before. It's called Tranzedone I think. It's not habit forming, and it doesn't make me sleepy, but once I go to sleep it keeps me there. I have to watch everything I put in my body because of my addictive personality, so the most important thing is for me to always be completely honest with my doctors so that they won't hurt me rather than help me. The first thing I always tell them is that I'm allergic to alcohol and narcotics, specifically any type of Opiate or synthetic such as vicodin, oxycodone, etc. They are all the same to my brain. The strongest pain medicine I will take is Toradol. No matter how bad my old beat up body is hurting, it's nothing compared to the pain of addiction. One is too many and a thousand is never enough. When I used to take pain meds, I would reverse the doctor's orders. If it said to take one every six hours, I would take six every hour. I look back now at that mentality and cringe, and I pray for those who are hopelessly lost in active addiction. It's Hell on earth, a nightmare that the addict can't see their way out of, and most die from it. I read where more people are addicted to prescription pain meds these days than crack cocaine. The drug companies are selling legal heroine. It's really sad and no way to live. If any of you are having problems, or know someone who is, please contact me, and I'll share how God released me from my bondage. He used people and other earthly things, but the power came from him. The only thing necessary is the desire to change, which most people don't have until they are in so much pain that they have to in order to survive. No matter how bad I may think things are, or how much pain I am in, physical or mental, there is nothing in this world that would make me put alcohol or drugs in my body. No matter how bad it is, it can always be worse, and artificially changing the way I feel at the expense of everyone and everything else is not an option today.
I'm going to go in and check on my wife, then watch some basketball. I LOVE March Madness! I watched the UNC Asheville / Syracuse game this evening. Asheville almost beat them, but ran out of steam at the end. It would have been epic, and probably the biggest upset in college basketball history, but it was not to be. God Bless Asheville for even making the tournament. We stayed up late last night and watched the finale' of Face Off. It was outstanding, and I love to see Beck enjoying something, anything really. She's so strong through this, and I admire her more every day. To be her husband is the greatest honor of my life, and I treasure her with all that I am. I saw a good friend tonight at Taekwondo. Her name is Carolyn and she sends Becka and Me cards all of the time. It always cheers Beck up because the cards and wishes are beautiful. Carolyn, if you are reading this, thank you so much. It really does mean a lot, and you are a wonderful, beautiful person full of love. We are very glad we know you, and we love your son as well! He takes Taekwondo with us, and one day he will be standing up there getting his black belt. That much is certain! He is a fantastic, respectful kid who has his mother's heart. I really do love people who genuinely care for others and go out of their way to pick those up who have fallen. I could do that a lot more myself.
God Bless and I'll keep you posted. Praise God for the good days and bad. Any day this side of the grass is a good day no matter what happens!
