Tuesday night and I just got back from Taekwondo. Becka is on the couch and she's not feeling well tonight. I'm so glad Ruth is here to cheer her up. The radiation really did a number on her. I pray with all of my heart that it worked as planned and she never has to go through that again. I'll say this, and I truly mean it. If I ever win the lottery, half of the winnings will go towards cancer research. After Becka recovers and we get ahead, I'm definitely making the American Cancer Society one of our charities. I never realized what people go through with cancer treatments until I see it first hand. Now, when I talk to someone who has gone through what Becka is enduring, I want to shake their hand. I could never go through this and carry myself the way she is. She's so strong, probably for us. I love her more every second.
Some of you don't know my past, and if you did you would understand how important my life with Becka is to me. This life isn't something I earned. It's definitely God given. I spent twenty five years trying to destroy my body with drugs, alcohol, and every other depravity I can conceive. I never felt comfortable in my own skin, so I tried everything to change the way I felt. From cocaine and lsd, to heroin, alcohol, and pain pills, I lived in another world. I was a sociopath, in the sense that I didn't care what happened to anyone else, because it was all about me and the way I felt. I've been in prison, jails, institutions galore, and nothing slowed me down. NOTHING filled that hole in my soul, so I accepted the fact that I was going to die early. I really didn't care, because I was in so much pain, so one day I hit my knees and cried out in desperation, "God please help me". Not only did he help me, he made himself real to me. Jesus Christ is as real as any person I know. His love flowed through me and filled that hole, and I haven't gone back to drugs or alcohol since he took all the pain away.
As far as women were concerned, they had always been like a drug to me. I couldn't have a healthy relationship because I wasn't healthy, so I sought out those who were sick as well. The whole "birds of a feather" thing. It was only when I asked God to bring me the woman he wanted me to be with, that I met Becka. I knew from the start that I loved her, but I also knew that I didn't deserve such an incredible woman, so I tried to run, but one thing I've learned about God's will is that, when he really wants something to happen, it's GOING to happen! He filled my heart with love, took away my fear, apparently struck her blind, and the rest is history. Becka is my heart. My life with her is the only life I ever want. God knows this, and he's with us always. We pray every night in his son's name for him to guide our lives. I need Becka in every sense of the word, and I think she kind of digs me, lol.
There are two days that I can't do anything about.......Yesterday and Tomorrow. I'm living in today and treasuring every second. If I can give any advice to anyone looking for something that's missing, look up, and you'll find it, no matter what it is. God is everything, and I trust him that he is healing my Angel!
Good night and God Bless! I'll write some more tomorrow, but for now, it's college football and bed time!
