It's Tuesday night and I feel like my legs are jello. We just got home from Taekwondo, and our instructors have some new toys. They have these huge rubber bands with straps on the ends of them to hook around our ankles. We have been running knee-up and kicking drills for the last two days with these tension bands attached, and trust me, my legs have worked every single muscle in them. Becka, Debbie, and Autumn came to watch for a few and say hey to everyone. They were thrilled to see her! I SO Can't wait until she gets back on the mat, and she will. We had a great supper tonight. My mother gave us enough chicken and dumplings to feed the neighborhood, green beans, macaroni and cheese, and chocolate cake. It was fantastic! Several other people have offered to cook for us, and I'm going to take them up on it. One of my Mother's friends told me that if I didn't let her cook, I was robbing her of the blessing. I understand that for sure, so bring it on!
I should have started out with this tonight, but it is what it is. I lied to my wife, and tried to believe something, but I had to tell her the truth today. I told Debbie first, and she prayed all day, and I'm so glad she's here. When Becka first went to the Oncologist, she didn't want to know what stage her cancer was, but I did, so I asked. Later, I told her that it was stage 2, maybe 3, but I've known all along it was stage 4, and I came clean with her tonight. She went to the doctor today, and they gave her some paperwork that said she had Stage 4 Adenocarcenoma on it. I told her it was stage 2 because I thought that if she didn't think it was bad, she would fight more. Tonight I asked her to promise me that no matter what happened, she will never stop fighting this, and she did. I told her that I've known from the start that it was stage 4, and I told her why I lied. The fact is that people recover from stage 4 cancer all the time. I know two personally that have completely gone in to remission. Becka is going to as well, and I promised her I would never lie to her again, although my motives were good. It's going to be okay and so will she. This too shall pass, and God will restore her. The cancer is going away, I believe this with all of my heart.
Please forgive me for not being forthright. My heart can't take much more, and I've been having panic attacks. I didn't know what one was before now, but tonight my wife has assured me that she's going to fight this to the end and win, and that's really all I need to hear. I don't want to hear about "God's will", because no one knows what God's will is in this situation, and I realize that sometimes people say things they don't mean because they really don't know what to say. I know I never have.
God Bless all of you that are praying for her. Please continue. Every prayer counts!
Going to bed....will write some more tomorrow. Night!
