It's Wednesday! Half way done with the week. The weather today has been absolutely beautiful. It was sunny all day and in the high sixties. It's easier to go to work when I can take my jacket off and enjoy it! I ran quite a bit all over the place catching calls, and my leg hasn't hurt me a single time! I get sciatica because of a couple of bad disks, and I usually have to get steroid epidurals, but ever since I had acupuncture the other day, I haven't hurt a single time. I'm glad because there is no way I could have back surgery right now. Becka needs me to go out every day, kill something, and drag it home for supper, figuratively speaking. One of these days I'll have it fixed permanently after she's well and in remission. I have so much to do and I've been stressing about all of it, and at times like that it seems I can't get anything done, so I've decided to take one task at a time and complete it before undertaking another one, kind of like how we are trying to live our lives, one day at a time.
I've been listening to a study on the book of Job by Dr John McCarthur. If I start to feel sorry for myself, or think that God isn't with us, all I have to remember is what Job went through, and he never lost his faith, not even after his family and everything he had were gone. I still have my savior, my family, my job, my home, my dogs, and taekwondo. What else is there? I've been living in fear ever since Becka was diagnosed, and even though I know that I'll be scared until she is well, I need to act as if God is going to heal her. I need to give him praise for everything no matter what the circumstances.
My sweet precious wife is feeling better today. She was extremely sick last night which is scary by itself. She tends to pass out when she is throwing up. She was walking through the house one night and got sick, lost consciousness, and took out a chunk of the wall. Her head hit the corner and she had a goose egg for a month. She's not only gorgeous, she's TOUGH!
I'm heading out the door to see some friends of ours test for higher belts in taekwondo. I'll finish this when I get home.
Everyone is in bed but me. I can finally calm down now. I just finished putting together a package for the "Lion's Pride" organization. They are a wonderful group that help people and I'm sending them a file the size of an IRS audit. My boss guided me towards them and anything they will do I'm grateful for. Let me say, if it weren't for family, we wouldn't have made it this far, Spiritually, Emotionally, and Financially. Both of our families have reached out and sacrificed for us, and I pray that one day I'm in a situation where I can give back to them. When I say our entire lives have changed, I mean it. I know that things will do an about face when Becka is well again, but for now, all I care about is her getting well. Six months ago, we were making plans for the future, discussing our goals and dreams, thinking about buying Becka a newer car. Today, ALL of those goals, hopes, and dreams have been put to the side and only one exists, and that's for her to be cancer free. We have everything we need for now, and that is ALL I want.
Becka is sick again tonight, but there is goooooood news! She has been coughing. YES that's good news! She's coughing because she is taking deeper breaths, which means that she's using more of her lungs, which TO ME means that the TUMOR IS SHRINKING! I know that's what it is. PLEASE GOD let that be what it is. I'll do anything, no matter what it takes. You know, that's what tears me up so badly sometimes about this situation, my powerlessness. The fear that comes with being completely powerless over something. The fact is, there is only one thing I can do. I can stand with my wife before God and have faith in him, trust in his plan, and be as happy as I can. Life will be good again, when the fear is gone.
I'm going to bed. Thanks so much to all of you and God Bless! See you tomorrow, same bat time, same bat channel!
