Thursday and we just finished eating supper. Debbie cooked a roast and rice and it was fantastic! Becka can't stand the smell of food right now, so she took a shower and is laying down. The kids and I ate though and loved every minute of it. I had a very productive day at work. Lately I've been able to keep my emotions in check, but inevitably it always happens. I see someone that I haven't seen in a while and they ask me why I shaved my head in the winter time. I cry every time I tell Becka's story but usually in different parts. Today it was when I got to the part about the Radiologist telling us that the cancer had spread to her brain. It's okay though, because the more Christians I tell, the more people are praying for her. I know that I've said what many others are saying, which is, "All we can do is pray", but in fact, that's the FIRST thing I should always do. Talking to God is the most powerful conversation I will ever have.
Who am I to question the creator of everything. I have to ask myself do I trust God to heal her. I know that I have faith, but what about trust? I had a friend tell me the difference between faith and trust one time. Say I go to Niagra Falls, and the world's greatest tightrope walker is there, and he has stretched a line from one side of the falls to the other. He is planning on walking across pushing a wheel barrel. He says, "Randy, do you think I can push this wheel barrel all the way across the falls without falling"? I say, "Yes, I know you can. I've seen you do it before. I have no doubt that you CAN do it". That belief is "Faith". "Trust", is when I get in the wheel barrel, and I'm usually not willing to do that unless this side of the falls are on fire and there are cannibals running towards me. The Falls symbolize life, and the man pushing the wheel barrel is God. If I'm willing to sit back and let him take me where HE wants me to go, and trust him, then all will be well. God is NOT my copilot. If he is the copilot, that means I'm still flying the plane, and we are going to crash! He doesn't need my help. He wants me to sit back in first class, but even then I still run to the cockpit to make sure we are going somewhere that I think we should.
I'm going to break for a bit. I'll write some more when I get home from taekwondo!
I'm going to post this now because I'm totally exhausted and will probably go to bed early. I would watch the Republican debate for comedic value, but if I'm going to watch a couple of lying scoundrels, I might as well turn on Jerry Springer..........NOT! Thanks for everything all. Becka is going to start Iron therapy tomorrow. Hopefully that will increase her appetite and give her energy. She needs it! God Bless you all and again, thanks so much for everything.
