It's so hard for me to type right now because my eyes won't focus. I only got about three hours of sleep last night, if that. Beck was up a lot last night. She has good nights and bad nights, and last night was bad. She knows that I never want her to get up by herself, so she taps me on the leg until I wake up. If I don't get some sleep, she will have to use a megaphone to wake me. Anyway, I put her to bed a few minutes ago, and she asked me to check on her during the night in case she died in her sleep. The doctor, for some reason, told her the other day that she would probably lay down one night and not wake up. I guess he was being honest, but it really affected her. It affected Ruth and me as well, but we weren't sure if Becka heard him say that. Turns out she did, and that would account for why she can't sleep at night. She's scared she won't wake up the next morning. I have no idea right now about how to comfort her in this situation. I told her that he was wrong, and that I knew people who were given months to live and then went on to live for years. After I said that, she said she's going to continue to fight this with diet and prayer. We really don't know what tomorrow will bring. We have seen the progression, and I can say that now because I said it in front of her at the doctor the other day. Becka has good days and bad days, but for the most part, she has what's called the "Sundown" effect. She starts out strong in the morning, and her mind is sharp, but as the day wears on and fatigue sets in, she becomes confused and slows down. I really wish the doctor hadn't said that the other day, because I'm thinking that she's afraid to sleep now. Who wouldn't be? There is no doubt that she isn't afraid of what's to come for us all. When a believer in Christ dies, they know where they are going, but we have unfinished business here. At least I would like to think we do.
I'm looking forward to Saturday when we are having lunch with our friends JC and Carmen. I absolutely love Olive Garden's food as well, and so does Beck. We are going to have a great time I'm sure. Every second with her means everything to me. I pray we have many memories to make together.
I'm so tired that I'm about to fall over, so I'm going to bed. Good night and God Bless. Sweet dreams!
