It's Wednesday night and I'm feeling much better than last night. I went to the doctor and I'm going to be fine. I'm just exhausted and not eating right, so I'm taking vitamins. I'm technically off of work for the rest of the week, but I'm going in tomorrow after Becka's MRI for a while. Work is therapy to me. There are many things I would love to tell you on here, but they will have to wait. Let me just say that things are changing every day. Becka is still not hurting and she's getting around, but she's not on any kind of treatment. We will find out tomorrow hopefully if there is anything else that they can try. Everything seems to "progress" at a more rapid rate as the days go by. Becka is taking a steroid and a half every day this week. Next week she will cut down to one a day. My Angel is the strongest woman I have every known. She has fought the best fight and won so far, and she has an army behind her. Becka has gone through pain, sickness, and extreme remorse, and has carried herself with dignity and grace. Cancer has never broken her and it never will. We will fight to the end and give God all of the glory. We treasure every single moment of every day, as we should even if we weren't fighting for her life. Every breath is a gift from God and I thank him for them. I'm not angry with God anymore, but I'm depending on him to grant Beck grace and mercy, and carry all of us to the finish line. As Christians, we know that we will all be together in the end. I don't know how people make it through a day without faith. If I didn't think that Becka was going to be okay no matter what, then I would be a basket case, but I know that no matter how much I love her, God loves her more because I'm not capable of the kind of Agape love that only he is able to give. As far as Becka goes, I am her husband, her soul mate, her lover, her friend, her companion, her nurse, her caretaker, her chauffeur, her provider, her defender, and the protector of her children, and I'm grateful for every single one. The last five years of my life have changed my heart, and even though it isn't going the way I planned, they have been the best years of my life. My place is by her side.
I'm going to bed early tonight. I need more sleep than I've been getting, so God Bless and thanks so much for all of the support. This blog is how I vent and express my feelings, and it's therapy for me. It never occurred to me that you might read it and understand. Tonight I give thanks to God for another day, I ask him for another, and I pray that just for today, I have been the man he wanted me to be. I've come a long way, but I still have a long way to go. You might say I'm a "work in progress", and if you see any good in me, it's because of God and Becka. I had nothing to do with it.
Sweet Dreams
