Thursday night and Andrew and I just got home from taekwondo. We had a great work out so I ought to sleep well tonight. Becka is doing good today. She went shopping and bought a new watch that she loves! She also bought some pajamas. Anything that makes her happy right now is fantastic! I spoke with Joe, who is the administrator of the Cancer Clinic in the Islands. We are working as hard as possible to get her down there. We found out that Blue Cross may pay for some of it, but United Healthcare won't, so we have to come up with a deposit. He's going to let me know how much in the next couple of days. I'll sell everything I have except for my soul and my heart. They are already spoken for between God and Becka.
Things are changing and I'm handling it the best I can. I can't really go in to detail right now, but I guess acceptance is the key. My beautiful wife is still with me. She is still the same gorgeous Lady who I married, but we have lost a lot in the last year that probably won't come back. This whole experience has brought us closer together, and I'm closer to her family than ever, but Becka's and My relationship has changed. We were always very intimate with each other. She couldn't walk by me without me reaching out for her. That part hasn't changed. I can't explain it right now, but one day maybe I will be able to. My heart is full of love and pain, all of the time. That ache never goes completely away. There are times when I can barely feel it, and other times when I'm crying uncontrollably and can't breathe. My doctor recommended an anti-depressant, but I turned him down. I need to feel this in it's entirety, and never forget it. I pray that we can get her down to the Cancer Center before her condition gets worse. Becka is still herself, but the cancer and the treatments have taken a lot out of her. I hope and pray that what is gone comes back after the treatments. I don't want her to miss out on anything else in life, so I'm holding her body up to God and begging him to heal it, while clinging to her at the same time. I don't know if I'm making any sense. I really am a mess.
Please take time and look at the fund raiser page on my facebook. I opened my facebook up to anyone who wants to see it. You don't have to be a friend. Thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart for your generosity. You are all blessings, but I can tell you this, she's worth it.
I need to unwind and forget about life for a bit, then go to bed. Good night and God Bless! See you tomorrow!
