Wednesday and life is complicated. We are truly living one day at a time. Today was about the same for Becka. She's not eating. I think she is afraid to after last night. She was incredibly sick and it was rough, and she's still sick tonight. I brought home barbeque for supper, but she didn't eat a bite. We are sitting on the bed right now watching a cool show called "Face Off". It's a competition between aspiring make up artists. It's one of her favorite shows. I gave her some medicine a little while ago and apparently it's working because she's sitting up beside me watching. She has to swallow her pills with ice cream but it works.
There are some emotions and thoughts that I can't share on here, but I do share them with someone I trust. Some of you know what it feels like to watch the person you love most in this world be sick for a long time. It envelopes me. There isn't a minute in the day that I'm not thinking about her, wondering if she is okay, and it's usually in those moments that she texts me. She seems to know when I need to hear from her. I can't imagine a life without Becka. She has to get well. She absolutely IS my life. My love for her is what makes me get up in the morning, go to work, and come home as soon as I can every day. Our future is what makes me look for opportunities to make extra money so that her and the kids lives can be enriched. I can't remember a day when I didn't think about how much I hate cancer, and the funny thing is that now it seems like everyone has cancer! Everyone I talk to knows someone who is going through treatment right now. It's like a fellowship. When Becka goes for treatment, the people there are like her family. All of them are fighting for their lives, and they do it together. That is why I understand the concept of the chemotherapy room. It is an open room where everyone sits in recliners and can see everyone else. It gives people hope and lets them know that they aren't alone. Fear should always be shared, so that love can be.
I'm walking through this with Becka to the finish line. It's not a race, but there is bliss waiting at the end. I pray for a day that my wife doesn't cry, that she doesn't hurt, and she can eat and enjoy her food. I want to see the scans and hear the doctor tell her that it worked and she's not going to die. Not right now anyway. We understand about powerlessness, trust me. We know that God is in charge and ultimately we will have to accept his will. I'm going to pray her well. I KNOW YOU HEAR ME UP THERE LORD! Please........
Night all and God Bless. See you tomorrow!
