Sunday evening and things are back to normal somewhat. Becka has been sick all day, and tonight it came to a head. She started violently throwing up and passed out in my arms. I hold her every time until she comes back around, and she's scared because she doesn't know where she is. She's resting beside of me now. I gave her an anti nausea pill and a sleeping pill, and I'll keep an eye on her all night. I'm not sure if I'll be able to go to work tomorrow. It all depends on whether I can find someone to come stay with her. No matter how good she may be feeling, she can turn quickly, and she can't be here by herself. I may ask Fern if she can come sit with her for a while so I can go get some work done, but still I don't want to be away from here. It's terrifying when she passes out. I just hold on tight and pull her to me until she comes back around, then I tell her it's alright so she will know what's going on. Her legs are still hurting her and she can't keep them still. The chemotherapy is causing her muscles to contract and ache. She has eaten a little today but not much. I think that the pain medicine is making her a little bit sicker as far as her stomach. She had acid reflux today as well, so I gave her a Nexium.
She's comfortable now I believe. I pray that she sleeps all night. I'm going to set my alarm to wake me up every couple of hours so I can check on her, that is if I go to sleep. I want to make sure she doesn't get sick in her sleep or wake up sick and not be able to tell me. I would call the doctor, but this is normal for her after treatments. It's hard to accept that the new "normal" for her is to be sick all of the time. I hope she holds on to the last time she felt GREAT, and remember it so that she will know what is coming soon we hope. I can't tell you how it hurts my heart to see her this sick, but at the same time be filled with love and purpose because she needs me, and I'm right here where I belong. Taking care of Becka is not a chore for me, or a cross to bear. It's a blessing and an honor. I get to show her through my actions how much I adore her. As long as I'm taking breaths, I won't leave her side. My dilemma is work. I have to make money so we can live and I can't be here at the same time. I'm praying hard that God will make a way. He knows our needs and he loves us, so I'm expecting him to come through. I've always said that an expectation of another human being is a premeditated resentment, but an expectation of God is based on his Word. He will make things right.
I'm going to keep an eye on her and maybe catch some shuteye while she's sleeping. God Bless all of you. Thank you for everything! All of you have really come through and then some. Becka won't forget it, and neither will I. Love you!
