Monday and business as usual. Becka is sick tonight even though she ate the Subway sandwich I brought her, so I gave her an anti nausea pill. She will probably go to bed soon. I'm going to adult Taekwondo class. Today has been an emotional day. I gave several people updates and it got to me. I think they knew it so they changed the subject, but I'm grateful that people really do care. Another emotional moment for me today was when I got home. I'm starved for affection and I'm not ashamed to say it. Becka and I have always had a very physical relationship, in the sense that when she walks by me, I always have had to reach out and touch her. We kiss every time we leave each other and when we return, and when we are in public, we have always held hands or stood arm in arm. Those things aren't something we had to think about, they just happened. It was subconscious most of the time, but ever since she has been sick, it has changed understandably. When I feel bad, I don't want anyone around me, and she has been sick for a long time. But today when I got home, she put her face against mine and told me she loves me. I can't express in words how that felt and how I'm going to carry it with me the rest of the day and in to tomorrow. I pray that all of you feel the same way about another human being as I do about Beck. We truly became one when we married. She is absolutely the best part of me that I can't live without. Everything is depending on her getting well.
I picked up the kids tonight and brought them home. They both gave me a hug when I saw them and I needed it. It's amazing to be loved and respected and depended on by great kids. They love their Mama, that much is for sure! I'm going to taekwondo and will write some more when I return. Peace!
Just got back from class and Becka is still up! She's watching "The Voice". Her feet are so small these days. She's never had big feet, but she's lost so much weight that they are skinny. I'm her foot stool by the way, and that's by choice! I love any kind of contact from Beck, even a poke and a dirty look when I'm a dork, lol.
Please say an extra prayer for her. She has chemo for eight hours tomorrow. I have a meeting at work, so I'll have to cheer for her through text messages. Her parents will be with her. I hope I can find something funny to send her a picture of. I guess it all depends on whether or not I make it to Walmart. I think that is where Jeff Foxworthy got all of his material!
God is good all of the time. One day I will understand all of this. Until then I'm trying to be grateful for the good that comes out of it. I know that we rely more on him than before, we definitely pray more than ever, our families have come together for one common goal, and our marriage is stronger than it ever has been. We have the kind of love that they write about, the kind you can see and almost reach out and touch. I really can't explain it because before I met Becka, it didn't exist for me. She's my angel, and I belong exclusively to her.
Thanks everyone and God Bless! Same time tomorrow God willing!
