Monday night and it's getting colder. Winter is just around the corner. I woke up this morning with one of the worst headaches I've ever had. I woke at six, took some aspirin and drank some coffee, then went back to bed for a bit. If I don't get well soon, I'm going to give up. It seems like I've been sick ever since Beck went in the hospital. I've been on steroids, then more steroids, then antibiotics, then more antibiotics. I guess my immune system is weak. I had to work with my boss today, so I toughed it out. I took a very hot shower and let the water hit me in the face. My head eased and I felt better when I got out of the house. I know I stay up too late at night and don't get enough sleep, but my mind just won't shut down. I think about Beck all of the time, and a thousand other things as well, until my mind goes in to overload. I was talking with a friend this morning who reminded me to think about one thing at a time and stay in today. There is nothing I can do about what is going to happen on Wednesday, and she reminded me of that.
I'm going to end my blog this week. It's not about Beck anymore because she's gone, and I don't want you to hear me complain. I'll still be on Facebook, but this is a tribute to Beck and the fight she fought. She was a warrior to the end, and not a day goes by that I don't miss her. My life has to change and will. It has started already. I'm a different man than I was a year ago, and that's probably good, but to say I'm lonely is an understatement. I still feel like my arm has been cut off. I still can't believe she's gone forever. It's only been a month and two days, but it seems like an eternity. I'm constantly reminded of what I lost, and how much darker this world is. My heart is still broken, and my actions of late haven't helped that any. I can't go in to detail except to say that I know I could do better, but I seem to want to sit in my own misery and feel sorry for myself. Something will bring me out of this. Some things already have but only for a short time. It's okay though. I know it will get different, then it will get better.
Friday will be the last time I write this. I pray it has helped you to understand how wonderful Rebekah Lee Patton was. She was the perfect wife, mother, sister, and daughter the world has ever seen. All who knew her are devastated still at her loss. We all though she was going to win, and when she lost, we all lost. I can't write this anymore because every time I do it brings it all back, and at some point I have to heal and move on. I think it's time, so Friday will be it. Thank you for reading it. I pray it's been a fitting memorial to the woman I love with all of my heart. I love you Baby!
Sweet Dreams and God Bless!
