Day 117

It's Saturday night and I have a date with a FOX! I have to say this, Every time I look at Beck she looks more beautiful to me. We just got back from my Mother's house and I reminded Becka how curvy she is, and how that's a very good thing! I would love her just as much if she were ugly, but she's not, so I guess I'm just blessed beyond comparison! We have had a great day with the exception of Ruth leaving. I'm happy for her being able to go home to her husband and family, but we will miss her very much, that is certain. Her help can't be measured in words.

I'm going to keep this short because everything is awesome and I'm going to go back to the couch with the "hottie" that is currently occupying it and give her a pedicure. We have the whole house to ourselves tonight and tomorrow, so we are going to rest and watch movies, and work in the garden tomorrow. My father is moving tomorrow afternoon so we are going to go see him in the morning. I hope and pray everything works out for him at the coast. He's taking a big risk, so please keep him in your prayers.

Life is good today! Praise God in all of his glory. He is the reason for rejoicing, and not for the "things" I have or this life at all, but still I'm grateful. We find out Tuesday if the Chemo is working. I'm sure it will be fine and I expect Beck to be in remission soon. How wonderful would that be?

God Bless you all and thanks for stopping in! I'll write some more tomorrow. Good night!

Day 116

It's Friday, thank the Lord. I just got home from taking the kids to Burlington for the weekend. I think I'm running on fumes. I worked all day, then came home and mowed the front yard, and we took off. I forgot to eat today, so I just polished off a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, AKA the best cereal known to man. Becka is doing good and has been all day. I picked up the two bottles of "stuff " she has to drink for her CAT scan Monday. I hope it tastes good and she can keep it down. I'm going to get a beer bong for her to drink it. For those of you who aren't alcoholics and don't know what a beer bong is, it's a funnel with a hose on it. Back in the day, we would pour beer in the funnel, then put the hose in our mouths and drink an entire beer in one gulp. I'm surprised that more of us didn't die of alcohol overdoses. I'm just kidding about getting Becka one, but she has to drink them for her scan. I pray that she can get them down.

I haven't been in a good frame of mind today, and I need to come back to earth. I had some tests done at the doctor the other day, and the results came back today. I have to go back to the doctor next week. That's all I want to say about it for now. I doubt it's anything serious. I have to take an antibiotic for a week. I'm going to have to program my phone to tell me because I have to take it three times a day. Please pray that it turns out okay.

I'm going to take this weekend and catch up on some things. Rest will be one of them, and I need to read the bible every day, which I haven't been. I'm going to read all the way through the New Testament, then go back to the Old. How can I determine God's will for me every day if I don't study his word, and I've been letting the enemy too close to me. I enjoy my anger. It gives me a false sense of control, but it tears me down after a while. I need to let all of it go, and in my experience, only God can help me with that, but once he has removed the anger and bitterness, I need to let God fill me back up. My misery is usually determined by how long I want to stay in my own head and let outside things control me. I need to let go and let God, because I know that I'm a whole lot happier when I'm not running the show, or trying to anyway.

Ruth is leaving tomorrow and it will only be Becka and me here for a few days. I'm going to get her outside and work in the flower bed if she feels up to it. If not, she can watch me pull weeds. We have Iris's and roses that need tending to. We are going to watch "The Blind Side" in the morning with Ruth. She has never seen it. I really want to see Kirk Cameron's new movie, but it was only out for one night in theaters. I'm sure it will come back around.

Thanks for letting me let go everyone. This has still been a great day. I still have a beautiful wife that loves me and likes me most of the time. My dogs still think I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread, and I'm sure that whatever is wrong with me, the doctors will fix it like they are fixing Beck. God Bless you all and have a great night. Same time tomorrow, or maybe sooner!

Day 116

It's Thursday night and things are much better around here, for me anyway! My heart is at peace since the news we got yesterday. I've never seen a doctor cry when he gave results, but Dr Steiber did. I'm sure it was heart warming to give good news, since he has to give bad news all of the time. Now we only have one more hurdle to clear. Becka has a Cat Scan Monday of her entire body, and we get the results of that Tuesday. If the Chemotherapy is working, she could be in full remission in a couple of months. That is what we are banking on. God delivered BIG TIME as far as the cancer in her brain. Now we are leaning on him to keep it up! She may not need anymore Chemo. It all depends on the results of the scan. I'm actually looking forward to it now.

Ruth is leaving us Saturday. I know she wants to be with her family, but we sure will miss her, and there aren't words to express how much her being here has meant. Becka's brother David is coming by next week for a couple of days. It will be good to see him again. I know he wants to see his sister! We need to plan another family reunion with both sides this time so that everyone can meet.

Andrew and I tested last night and got our red stripe belts. I'm going to keep it up, but it seems like something else hurts every week. I know I'm getting older, but I really let myself go. There was a time when I was in great shape, and I will be again. I want to live a long time, God willing. There are so many things I want to do with Becka and the kids. She came to testing last night and was the star of the show. All of the masters came up to her, as well as the instructors and students. Some of them were crying when they walked away. She is truly loved by everyone who knows her. I don't think she has an enemy in the world, except for our common enemy that has a short time to reign on this earth before Christ casts him in to the pit of fire. I don't know how Atheists have any happiness in their lives. I couldn't enjoy anything without hope. I have leaned on God more during this time than any other time in my life. I heard a pastor on the radio today say that he felt sorry for Atheists because they are constantly fighting against something they say doesn't exist. If God doesn't exist, why fight him?

Life is good and I pray that the doctor will tell us that her tumors are all but gone, and she doesn't need any more chemo. I know she wants to grow hair again! I'm just glad she has a beautiful head! Sinead O'connor, eat your heart out!

I made spaghetti for supper and Ruth cleaned the kitchen. Beck ate and said it was the best sauce I ever made. I'm glad her sense of taste is coming back and she can enjoy her food again. Couple more months and it will be normal, then it's Crab leg time!

It's bedtime in the south, so God Bless and thank you so much for all of the prayers! They are definitely working! Same time tomorrow!

Day 115

It's Wednesday and it's a FANTASTIC day! God is truly good! For all of you who read this blog, I know I've been morbid up until now, but it feels like a giant weight has been lifted off of my chest, and I can breath again! Becka had an MRI of her brain Monday, and today we went to hear the results. Up until now, we haven't known anything. This was her first scan since she started treatment. She, Ruth, and I all walked in and the nurse came in first, then just seconds later the doctor came in smiling. He had been crying! He said he wasn't going to keep us in suspense, and that her tumors had shrunk down to almost scar tissue, and there were no new ones! I almost came out of my chair. He said it was great news and he was very happy about the results! They told her to come back in three months for another MRI, and they wouldn't be surprised if the tumors were gone and she was in remission! This is the best news ever. God has heard all of you praying and has given us grace and mercy beyond compare. Everything she has been through has been completely worth it. We are going to start planning our beach trip!

 All of the people, the doctors, the nurses, and the staff who work for her Oncologist and Radiologist are special people. They are saving Beck's life and we will owe them  for the rest of our lives. I've never seen mercy and uncondiitional love from anywhere else in this world like I see at the Cancer Center. I know they are doing their jobs, but they go way above and beyond the call of duty. For every miracle like Becka that they get to rejoice over, there is another patient that they have to tell a different story to, like the treatment didn't work. God Bless those people. I pray that one day I can repay them in some way. I'll spend the rest of my life with my gorgeous wife trying! She looks so unbelievably beautiful and fantastic! Her color is great and her eyes are sparkling. The doctor ran all kinds of tests to her reflexes and acuity, and she passed each one with flying colors. I married a very special, strong, courageous woman. I hope she knows how incredible she is! I'm going to keep telling her until I can't take a breath!

We are celebrating tonight with hot dogs! I know that doesn't sound like much of a celebration, but it's something she likes! Andrew and I are testing tonight in Taekwondo. She is going to see him test! I can't wait for everyone there to see her. They will all be thrilled!

Thank you so very much and God Bless you all! Much love to each and every one of you! Many of you have carried us to this point, and we won't forget it. She still has a long way to go, but we are on the right train, and God himself is the conductor! We are in his hands, and he isn't disappointing!

Peace! More to come!

Day 114

It's Tuesday night and it feels like Friday. This week is going by so slow. I'll be glad when the weekend gets here because I need the rest. Whether or not I sleep depends on tomorrow. We are going to her doctor's at 2:00 to go over her MRI results. He blood counts were a little low today, so they said to make sure she doesn't run a fever. So far so good as far as how Becka is feeling. She's still eating and keeping it down, and she's getting out of the house every day. Her strength is slowly but surely coming back, and she doesn't have Chemo again until next week. I wish that I could say it's going to stay this way, but as long as she's on Chemo, it's going to be a fight.

We had a cookout today at work and I made five pounds of banana pudding. It was good but I've made a decision. I'm so tired of being overweight. Starting tomorrow, I'm sticking to my diet until I've lost thirty pounds. I know that I feel better when I weigh 170. I was doing good and had lost some weight, but I fell off the wagon in to a load of chocolate. I don't care what holiday it is or what the occasion is, I'm not cheating on my diet anymore. Phase 1 of  "Slimmer Randy" starts tomorrow!

I wish I could write more but I'm so very tired that my eyes are blurring. I will post tomorrow about her test results and what the doctor says. Good night to you all and God Bless!

Day 113

It's Monday night and all is well. I just got back from Taekwondo and a pretty good workout. I was covered in sweat, so it was worth going. We are testing this Wednesday for our red stripe belts. One of the criteria for testing is sparring, and my friend Lee and I have been working on a routine. It's supposed to be random, but we want to choreograph it so it will look like a martial arts movie. Okay, maybe a slow, geriatric martial arts movie, but none the less! I wish I could test with Andrew, but the adults and the kids test separately. It's all good because he just makes me look bad. I want them to put me with the eighty year olds so I will look super fast!

I've been trying to divert my mind from what's going on, but the truth is all I can think about is Becka's MRI today. We get the results back Wednesday afternoon. I have been praying all day, and I'm reading this book by Kenneth Hagan that a friend gave to me. I agree with some of the premises of it, but others I am skeptical. I don't think we can change God's mind and I wouldn't presume to try. I have learned in my walk with God to accept his will as being better than mine, and realizing that I will never entirely understand his infinite wisdom with my finite mind, so that's where the fear comes from. I've heard people say that fear is the opposite of faith. I don't believe that. I believe that as long as we are trapped in these earthly bodies, we have to endure humanity, just as Christ did on the cross. He felt genuine pain and suffering of which none of us could ever imagine, because he was a man. My flesh will always hurt, and that is where the power of the enemy comes in. He lays things in my path that will temporarily take the pain of life away, but like I just said, it's temporary and it comes with a price. God's love is everlasting and the price has been paid, so tonight I trust in him, and still I pray that the tests will come out okay. I have selfish reasons, and selfless reasons. I want Becka to feel better so much, and at the same time, I want her by my side for a very long time. Everything is going to be okay. I have to believe that or I'll lose it.

The past week has been great and I'm eternally grateful for it! I pray that it lasts and they tell us Wednesday that her cancer is all but gone. There is no other outcome that is acceptable to me. Until then, I'm in limbo, just kind of floating around. One day, all will be revealed, and this might make sense.

I'm going to bed because I'm exhausted. Good night and God Bless as always! Same time tomorrow I hope!

Day 112

It's Sunday night and I'm baking cookies! My gorgeous wife is asleep on the couch beside of me. She has had a busy weekend. She and I went to get our taxes done today, then we came back here for a bit, and went to Kmart. She also ate quite a bit. After we left the tax office, she said she wanted a hot dog, so I stopped at four different places before I found a Quality Mart that was selling hot dogs! She ate all of it and it didn't hurt her stomach, then we cooked some pork roasts in the crock pot and made garlic potatoes for supper and she ate that as well! I'm so grateful to God for the way she feels, and she doesn't have chemo again for another week! She has her MRI to her brain in the morning, and we get the results back Wednesday, then her CT is next week. I know in my heart that the tumors are shrinking, and the scans will give us good news! I'm hoping anyway.

A fantastic thing happened to us at Kmart. When we were walking in, a lady was walking out with her kids and she motioned to us. We thought that she might be an old friend of mine from school, but we went on inside. We started walking through Kmart, and the same lady came up and stopped us. She said she was sorry to bother us, and she didn't know what Becka was going through, but she wanted Becka to know how beautiful she is. She spoke with a rich British accent, and she said she just felt the need to tell her that, and how radiant Becka is. Beck told her what she is dealing with, and she said she would pray for Beck, but it made Becka's day, and she told the lady that! God really does bring people in to our lives!

Tomorrow is a new day and new week. I'm going to bed because I have to get up early. I have a dentist appointment and I need to go in early so I can make up the time. May God Bless you as always! Please pray for good results, and I'll keep you posted!

Day 111

It's Saturday night and I just woke up. I took a nap today and I'll take one tomorrow. Becka and I sat out in the sun today and it took a lot out of me, besides the fact that Andrew and I went to Taekwondo today. We are testing Wednesday for our Red Strip Belts, so we need all the practice we can get. There is a lot going on this year in Taekwondo. One of our instructors is becoming a master. That is the highest honor in martial arts, and from what I've learned about him over the last year and a half, he deserves it. We will be there to see it, that much is certain!

Becka has felt great today, except for a short period this morning when she was a little queasy. She took an anti nausea pill and laid down for a bit, but we all got out of the house today for a family trip to Walmart. The fact that she was able to sit in the sun with me and go to the store was a big plus. Her strength is coming back, even though she tried on a pair of her jeans today and didn't have to unbutton them to put them on. She has lost so much weight, but she looks great! Her color is good and her eyes are clear, and she is eating. I fried some Neese's sausage this morning and we made sausage bagels, and she ate one, then she had some soup this afternoon and some pizza this evening. It is all coming together. Now all we need and desperately want is good results from her scan this coming week. She's been through too much for it not to be working. God is all around us, so much that we can feel it. He is going to restore her to health and this will all be a memory, then she can work with others who are going through the same things she did.

This weather is crazy this time of the year. It rained this morning, then it was very hot outside, and now a cool breeze is blowing through me as I sit here and write this. My mind is becoming clearer now and my heart is in this one hundred percent. She is my soul mate and I can't see a life without her. I pray tonight and every night that she outlives me. If she doesn't tell them what to put on my tombstone, there is no telling what it will say. Something like, "Here lies Randy. Only say good things about the dead. He's dead, Good! We have so much life yet to live. I know that God has a plan for all of us, and ultimately that plan is all that matters, but I know he hears me, and I'm begging him for a lot more time. We have unfinished business! When the kids turn eighteen and we kick them out, we are going to buy our travel trailer and take off! (Just kidding guys. You can stay until you are nineteen)!

Life is good tonight and I'm grateful. I want to shout it from the mountain top and let everyone know how good God is all of the time. My Babylove feels normal tonight, and we are going to take full advantage of it!

God Bless you all and thanks as always! I pray for all of you to have the same love in your lives and hearts that I do. Everyone deserves to be loved!

Same time tomorrow!

Day 110

It's Friday night and things are fantastic so far! Becka is feeling much better and we are watching basketball and a show called shark tank. It doesn't have any sharks per say, but it does have Mark Cuban and four other Gazillionaires. Today was a good day all around. Beck doesn't have any energy, and she still isn't eating hardly anything, but she feels better and isn't sick. I pray every day on my knees specifically that she will feel good that day. She has felt so bad for so long.

My day was God filled. He wanted me to know he was with me all day. I worked until about one thirty, then took off and came home, took a shower and changed clothes, then went to my doctor appointment. He told me that I do in fact have a corn on my foot. It's been hurting for months and I've used over the counter medicines on it, but he told me to get some moleskin to put on it and it will heal. I told him about my elbow and he said that it is severely sprained and could take months to heal. Then I told him about the major problem I'm having, and without getting too graffic, he said it sounded like my prostate since I have a history of prostate cancer in my family, but after he checked it, he said it was normal. Thank you Lord! Everything else checked out okay, and he took a bunch of blood to send off and check other stuff. I guess I'll live another day!

Here comes the God moment in it all though.

Today was the first time I've been to that office. My doctor changed practices last year. I walked up to the counter to check in and gave the lady behind the desk my insurance cards and paperwork that they had mailed to me. She looked at my arm and saw my "Rebekah" tattoo, then she looked at my paperwork and saw where I had put down that Becka has cancer. She looked at me and asked, "Is your wife's name Becka"? I said yes, and that is when she told me that she has been praying for Beck for a month. She found out through her church and Becka has been on a prayer list there. I couldn't believe it at first, then I realized that God was doing it all. It was like he was saying, "It's going to be okay", and I believe that it is! I gave her the address of this blog, so Hey Lisa if you are reading this! God put us together in that office today for a reason. I don't know what it is yet, but I want Lisa and her husband to meet Becka. That much is certain!

I'm so beat. I think I will go take a nap before game two comes on. Good night and God Bless. Please keep the prayers coming! They are definitely appreciated and working!

Day 109

Hey everyone! It's Thursday night and things are much better in the Patton household. I finally got a great night's sleep and Becka is feeling better. She hasn't thrown up anymore and she got out of the house today! The sun made her feel better I think. I fixed her a half of a peanut butter sandwich for supper and she kept it down. So far so good, and I'm feeling much better, although I'm exhausted and fixing to go to bed. I go to the doctor tomorrow to be poked and prodded. I also made a dentist appointment for me and the kids. I have to get a tooth cut out that broke off even with my gum line, and the kids need check ups and cleanings.

My wife is smiling at me through the back door. That's always a great thing when she smiles these days. This seems like such a long journey, and she's struggled through it all, but she is going to come out the other side and be well.

I'm so tired I can barely sit here and write. The last few months have come crashing down on me these past few days and my body is finally shutting down to rest. I'm not going to have any trouble sleeping tonight, but I am worried about falling over while carrying my computer hack in the house. (I'm on the back porch). Becka has her scan Tuesday and we will know a lot more. So much depends on that day.

God be with you always! I'll write more tomorrow when I can think straight. Good night and be blessed!