Day 228

Friday night and we are watching "Clash of the Titans" and eating brownies. It's been pretty good so far. It has one of my favorite actors, Liam Neeson. It's a little demonic, but it's fantasy. I like movies that could never happen. It's slasher movies that I don't like. We are praying for the people in Colorado that were killed or wounded and their families. I can't even start to imagine how it must feel to watch your child leave for the movies, and then get a phone call. What kind of evil was in his heart and soul? I pray I never know. As Christians, we are surrounded by a hedge of protection. The enemy can tempt us, but he can't get in to our hearts. God be with those people please.


Becka is doing good today, but her mood has changed completely. Like I said, everything changes. I can tell a difference in her daily. She's sick and tired of being sick and tired, I can tell you that. Beck has been sick for over a year now. It all started with the hysterectomy, and then came the cancer. I can't remember when she felt normal. Most people would have given up by now, but not my Angel. There is no quit in her, or me, or Ruth or Debbie, or anyone here who loves her. Like they said in the Godfather, We are taking it to the mats! 


It's late and I have to work tomorrow. See you then! God Bless and good night.

Day 227

Thursday night and Andrew and I just got home from taekwondo. We had a great work out so I ought to sleep well tonight. Becka is doing good today. She went shopping and bought a new watch that she loves! She also bought some pajamas. Anything that makes her happy right now is fantastic! I spoke with Joe, who is the administrator of the Cancer Clinic in the Islands. We are working as hard as possible to get her down there. We found out that Blue Cross may pay for some of it, but United Healthcare won't, so we have to come up with a deposit. He's going to let me know how much in the next couple of days. I'll sell everything I have except for my soul and my heart. They are already spoken for between God and Becka. 


Things are changing and I'm handling it the best I can. I can't really go in to detail right now, but I guess acceptance is the key. My beautiful wife is still with me. She is still the same gorgeous Lady who I married, but we have lost a lot in the last year that probably won't come back. This whole experience has brought us closer together, and I'm closer to her family than ever, but Becka's and My relationship has changed. We were always very intimate with each other. She couldn't walk by me without me reaching out for her. That part hasn't changed. I can't explain it right now, but one day maybe I will be able to. My heart is full of love and pain, all of the time. That ache never goes completely away. There are times when I can barely feel it, and other times when I'm crying uncontrollably and can't breathe. My doctor recommended an anti-depressant, but I turned him down. I need to feel this in it's entirety, and never forget it. I pray that we can get her down to the Cancer Center before her condition gets worse. Becka is still herself, but the cancer and the treatments have taken a lot out of her. I hope and pray that what is gone comes back after the treatments. I don't want her to miss out on anything else in life, so I'm holding her body up to God and begging him to heal it, while clinging to her at the same time. I don't know if I'm making any sense. I really am a mess.


Please take time and look at the fund raiser page on my facebook. I opened my facebook up to anyone who wants to see it. You don't have to be a friend. Thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart for your generosity. You are all blessings, but I can tell you this, she's worth it.


I need to unwind and forget about life for a bit, then go to bed. Good night and God Bless! See you tomorrow!

Day 226

It's Wednesday night and I'm finally sitting down. I got home from work then went straight back to work, so I'm a little tired. Becka wanted some Raisin Bran, so I stopped on the way home and we shared a bowl. She's doing well, and everything is proceeding as planned, (God's plan that is). He is guiding us through our hearts and through people, so we are trusting in him. All will be well no matter what.

I'm so tired I can't think straight, so I'm going to get my Baby in bed and try to sleep for a bit. God Bless and I will write some more tomorrow!

P.S. Debbie is here, Addie and the kids got here today safely, and Bo and her husband just left a while ago! People are coming in from all over the country! Thank the Lord for protecting them!

Day 225

It's Tuesday night and I'm a basket case. Some days are better than others. This wasn't one of them. I've been in "self pity" mode all day. I guess my emotions are catching up with me. All I thought about all day was my wedding day, and the day Becka and I met. Our memories aren't over yet. I called four times down to the Islands where Becka is going. We are trying to raise some money through a fund raiser that you will find on my facebook. My email is Disciplennc@aol.com. Send me a friend's request and I'll add you if you aren't already a friend on there. My memories are carrying me through this and hurting me at the same time. An amazing thing happened to me today though. I dreamed about a poem I was writing last night. In my dream, I just kept writing and didn't have to think about it, and when I woke up, I remembered it word for word and put pen to paper. I added to it a little, and one day I'll post it, but not right now. I think it was my subconscious telling me what to write. This helps me to post how I'm feeling, because it allows people to help me through this. We had so many people come to see us this past weekend. God Bless all of you! You all played a part in making Becka and myself very happy! I wish all of our friends were closer.  


There are outside influences causing me more pain than I need. The bad part is that it's all in my head, because I know they aren't trying to. Let me just say this. This isn't the time for any controversy, so please just save it for later. Everyone has their own motives in this, but it's not time to act like Becka is gone, because she isn't. I have proof, she has her feet on me as we speak. The doctors in the islands are going to be able to help her, I can feel it in my soul. It's like God is saying, "Get her there as soon as possible". This is how I feel. If we do everything possible, and God takes her to Heaven, then it's truly God's will. Randy's will is for she and I to be sitting in matching rocking chairs in thirty years. We shall see!


God Bless and I'm going to bed. Becka has had a very good day. She got some new shirts, pants, and a new phone that fits in her hand better. We had an upgrade to spare at Verizon! Life is good tonight, and that's large in part to all of you! Thank you for your support and God Bless you all. Love you guys!

Day 224

It's Monday night and I'm finally sitting down. I had to go to work early this morning because I had an emergency. One of my stores broke a freon line and I had to meet the fire department because they had evacuated the store. I ended up spending most of the day at that store, but it turned out okay. I'll never ever get caught up, but I guess they call that "job security".

Becka had her last radiation treatment today. We are in the process of sending her to the Island of Dominica for experimental and alternative treatments. Her sister is going with her, so it will just be me and the kids. We will skype with her every night, and pray with all of our hearts that they can help her. We are also in the process of trying to cash in her life insurance. If we spend every penny, sell everything we have including the dogs, and start completely over, it will be worth it if it gives her just one more day. Becka is a fighter, and she's not done. I've said it before, there will be no regrets. If there is an avenue we can pursue, we will do it. The treatments they are going to give her are being tried in the United States right now, but they are in the experimental stage. Dr Charles Rogers is renowned, and we think he can make her better. God is leading us and making a way for this to happen, so we are going to let him drive and get on the bus!

We had a feast for supper tonight. Jen and Catherine brought chicken, salad, hot dogs, and other stuff, and we cooked the chicken and the dogs on the grills, along with corn on the cob. It was marvelous!

Becka is doing well tonight. She is going to get progressively better because she wants to, and the treatments in the Islands are going to work. God will see to it! I have to go to bed for now, because I'm taking my niece to the airport in the morning at four oclock. Good Night and God Bless! Love you guys!

Day 223

I can't believe it's Sunday already. This weekend has flown by, but it's been wonderful. Becka has thoroughly enjoyed having everyone here, and Ruth has worked her butt off. Ruth has really stood up, directed, and coordinated everything, and she's done a fantastic job. She would make a great manager! Everyone has been wonderful and it's made Becka very happy to have them all here. I'm going to bed in a few because I'm exhausted and so is Becka. It's a good kind of tired though. This weekend has been very productive and emotional at the same time. We are all here together for one common purpose, and that is to support Beck. I learned something about myself today that I didn't know. In the past, I thrived on resentment and controversy, because it gave me a rush. Self righteousness was a major character defect of mine. It was all about me, and at least I wasn't as bad as-fill in the blank. Today, there is no room in my heart for resentment. Only love and compassion, because that is what I'm praying for Becka. Everyone who has come to see her has lifted her up and given her more hope, which is what she needs. This is not over until she gives up, and that isn't going to happen any time soon! God Bless Catherine, Jen, Laurie, John, Andrew, Casey, Michael, Tori, and a couple of others who don't want to be named. You are all very special and have made a big difference in the lives of Becka and myself. I love you all!


It looks like the best option for Becka is to go to the Caribbean for cancer treatments. We are about ninety nine percent there. We are waiting on insurance, then we are sending her south with a couple of people, probably Ruth and her parents. I feel that God is leading us that way, and we are going to go the extra mile. No regrets. 


I'm going to put her to bed and go myself. God Bless all of you! Thank you for everything, and please pray for guidance as we move forward! 

Day 222

It's Saturday night and a very good day! Becka is doing good today, and we have a full house! Andrew from Ohio, Jen and Cat from TN, John and Laurie from VA, and a couple of others are here to see us! It's been an excellent day, that's for sure. It has made Becka so very happy to see all of these people! I will take pictures tomorrow and post them tomorrow night. Joel and Fern are here with the baby, and Laurie's daughter and boyfriend are here as well. It's like a family reunion! Everyone is so full of love. Jen and Cat brought Becka a great big basket from her friends at UNUM, and Ruth's friend Karen Ferguson sent Becka a box full of goodies. I love this! Becka is definitely beloved. Tomorrow is going to be fantastic as well. We had a wonderful supper tonight courtesy of my Mother. She fixed a huge ham, squash casserole, macaroni and cheese, creamed corn, and brownies, and we had fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. Becka's parents ate with us, and they are staying in Riedsville at a mission house. They will be back tomorrow after church and we are going to celebrate! Life is good today.


This is going to be short because I want to visit with everyone, and Becka is ready for bed. Good night and God Bless. Same time tomorrow!

Day 221

It's finally Friday and it's been an emotional day. Actually, it's been an emotional year, but some days are worse than others as far as how I feel. We got pretty good news today from Becka's doctor. She had her radiation treatment and then we got to talk to him. We told him about the doctor in the Caribbean who wants to treat Becka, and how he says he will treat her cancer. He looked the doctor up on line and said that he was indeed familiar with the treatments, and they are experimental in the United States. We are doing everything possible to get her down there. She doesn't need a passport and insurance will pay for the treatments. Now we just need to figure out how we are going to pay for her travel to and from the clinic. If God wants her there, he will lead us and show us how to make that possible. I'm talking to Unum again on Monday as to how we can cash in her life insurance. 


Becka has already gone to bed and I'm not long behind her. I'm just waiting on the sun to go down. I'm leaving for work around eight in the morning. Becka's parents got here today, and our good friend and brother in Christ Andrew is on his way! He will be here around eleven. I'm going to lay down for a few hours before he gets here so that I won't be obliterated. 


Please pray for God's guidance. We are looking for a miracle and we haven't given up hope. I'm praying for signs and wonders as to which way God wants us to go. Thank you so very much for the support you are giving to us. Several people will be here tomorrow! I can't wait to see them all!


God Bless and sweet dreams!

Day 220

It's Thursday night and it's time to fight! Becka saw another doctor today, one of the best brain cancer doctors in the state by the way, and he recommended starting her on another type of chemo. Any new suggestion is a good one at this point. We are grateful to God for the options he is giving us. We are also trying to get her in to a treatment facility in the Caribbean. We can cash in her life insurance for half it's face value, and I can cash in my 401K if needed, or at least take out a loan on it. It doesn't matter, as long as it works! We will sell everything and start completely over if it gives her one more day. 


I'm doing as many side jobs as possible. Everyone is helping out, and we are so very grateful! I was on the phone for a long time today with the doctor in the Caribbean. He explained his treatment methods. Here is the problem that we have faced all along. Becka's cancer started in her lungs, then spread to her hip and her brain. She underwent radiation for the brain cancer, then chemotherapy for the cancer in her body. The reason they can't treat brain cancer with chemo is because of what's called he "Blood Brain Barrier", which is a wall of blood vessels that surround the brain and protect it from intruders like Chemo, so the Chemo never gets to the brain. That's why they use radiation. The doctor in the Caribbean administers Chemo through the mouth, and he says he's had good results with treating brain cancer. At this point we are willing to try anything. There will be no regrets. I'm not going to look back in five years and say, "What if". All of our bases will be covered, and I don't care what it costs. I have a kidney for sale if anyone is interested! It looks like we will be having several yard sales!


All that matters to me is for her to be okay. It's been that way since I met her. I've never wanted to be anything else except for her husband. She is my one and only desire, and the love of my life. If there is anything that can be done to fix her, we will try it. Then, if she doesn't make it and she goes to Heaven, ONLY then can we say that it is God's will, so we have to try. 


There are so many people coming in this weekend! I can't wait to see them all. Friends and family from all over will be here, and I say "the more the merrier"! Becka needs the support, and so do Ruth and me, so come on down to North Carolina, and please be careful! I will pray for your safety right now!


I'm going to bed. Good night and God Bless! Love you all, mean it!

Day 219

It's Wednesday night and I just got home from work. I got off of work early today then went back to work. I'm so grateful to God for providing me the means to make money. I'm not mad anymore and I'm ashamed of my anger, even though I can't help the way I feel, but only what I do. I think I'm going through stages of emotion. There really isn't anything to be mad at except cancer, and I need to let God fight it because I can't. 


I'm totally exhausted so this is going to be kind of short. We have two reasons to rejoice tonight. Three really. Number one, Becka is okay. Number two, we are trying to get her in a clinic in the Caribbean to treat her cancer, and number three, Gina will be here tomorrow! I can't wait to see Gina and Becka is giddy! I so wish she lived closer, but we will take what we can get! As far as the clinic is concerned, the doctor there has extended the lives of many cancer patients by treating them with chemotherapy through their mouths so that it can get to their brains. As long as we have options, we have hope, and I don't care what it takes, but we are going to try. God is leading us because we are praying for his will, so if he wants her to go, then so be it. All will be revealed one day, but until then, we are running on faith. 


Please keep praying as I know you will. The Lord has blessed me beyond comparison, and just for today, I'm happy! Sweet Dreams and God Bless!