Time for bed. Becka went to bed hours ago. All of the energy has been sucked out of her, but she still summons the strength to clean the house, smile at us, hug me and kiss me when I leave and return, and tend to the kids. I know she wants to feel normal, but I also know she feels worse than she's letting on. She doesn't want us to worry. (Sorry honey, it's too late for that). My heart is torn in half and I want her well. I'm waiting on the kids to go to sleep so I can lay down. Christmas is coming. Time to celebrate the birth of our Savior. I want so much to give her a wonderful Christmas. I really do hate cancer. I've never hated anything more in my life. I have a resentment against something that I have no power over, and it's very frustrating.
I pray for others, and I pray for forgiveness, but the last prayer I say and the first one in the morning will be the same from now on, "God please heal her, in Christ, Amen".
Good night. More to come.....
